I give because I have been helped so many ch by others. I feel a welcomed sense of duty to help others because of help I have received. However, I do find it hard to ask for help because I always feel like I don't really have it bad enough that attention should be put on me when there are others who could use it so much more. My life really isn't all that bad.
JulieJuly 18, 2017
I love Megan's comment. That's a lot the same with me. I'd also add that for me I just don't want to give the busy bodies something to gossip about. Allowing people to know what's going on with you makes you vulnerable to having the details spread through the neighborhood. I am a private person and prefer to keep it that way.
dbaker27July 6, 2017
I knew a Bishop who wouldn't accept help in preparation before he sold and moved. He is also the one who said don't offer help to another person if the other person hadn't asked for it. (Notice the word "offer" there, not pushing help on someone or insisting.)
KatyJuly 3, 2017
SO true! Thanks for sharing this! This is something I have struggle with in the past, but then had life experiences where I couldn't "hold it all together." I was so embarrassed that we needed help financially, physically, emotionally, as well as spiritually. I never expected to find myself in that situation because I was taught to work hard. Not matter how much I gritted my teeth though, we couldn't pass through it alone. To the few ward members who knew at the time, we received nothing but love. Now being on the other end where we can give, it has blessed me as I learn to be more Christlike with opportunities to love and serve. I am thankful for the privilege to help others too. It must have been a bit of how those who reached to us felt like. What a blessing to both the happy giver and the joyful receiver. Thanks agin for writing this.
Neal ChristensenJune 30, 2017
If givers are to receive the blessings of giving there must be grateful receivers.
HalJune 29, 2017
Thank you for a great article! I sometimes have this attitude of being embarrassed to have someone else provide service for me. I have to remind myself that even the Savior allowed other people to serve Him. If I truly want to be Christ-like I need to graciously accept offers of service from others just as I am willing to serve others myself.
AnonymousJune 29, 2017
Unfortunately I never ask for help anymore. I tried reaching out when desperate for understanding when dealing with mental issues...asking for a bit of time to do a calling or apologizing for not being able to do a service because I was struggling...and members backed away and avoided. The stigma I guess. You are broken and unusable if going through things like that. No one to talk to anymore...you don't exist. I then became fodder for gossip that keeps trickling back to me and is so painfully sharp. I never expected any of this and it was a heartbreakingly difficult experience that seems to never end as I still have the issues, still have the stigma, and still have the avoidance many years later. Sometimes it's unbearable. But it doesn't stop me from a strong testimony,, attending my meetings or keeping my covenants.
I know there are others dealing with the same issues as I do because I read about it over and over. But in my little ward out here in the Southern states and somewhat secluded...they stay quiet. Probably because this is what happens. So most of us are hurting and alone. Many inactive or barely hanging on.
But I'm blessed to know my Savior lives and that He listens to me, that there is no stigma with him... no harshness, no judgement, no avoidance...only love, mercy, a constant listening ear, peace when I need it the most and never-ending support. For that I'm so thankful and so blessed.
MeganJune 29, 2017
Pride is an easy thing to blame when it comes to refusing help. But another reason is a belief deep down that you are unworthy of the sacrifice of others, that you are not worth their time and effort. Many people in the church feel a deep-seated lack of worth that leaves them feeling they don't deserve to receive help. For those of us with anxiety and depression who know personally how hard it can be to stop and clean that house or make that cassserole, we don't feel able to ask others to do the same for us. We don't feel we merit it. And then we feel even more ashamed when our struggles are labeled as pride because it's not embarrassment, but a lack of self worth.
ElaineJune 29, 2017
Years ago when we were having a difficult time, our bishop told us we needed to humble ourselves and allow others to help us. Because by not doing so we could be depriving those who want to help of blessings. That has stuck with me.
Jay SessionsJune 29, 2017
Please receive our thanks and appreciation for such great meaningful articles!!! We are giving because we have received many great thoughts from your writing
Helene MatherJune 29, 2017
I grew up poor. We were not eligible for welfare even though our parents divorced when I was 2 and our mom died when I was 10. So finding creative ways to feed 5 siblings was tough. To this day I hate standing in line for free food. Whether it be a buffet at a wedding or a church function. I give because I know what it's like not to have. I recently went through a rough patch and was unable to decline help offered. I felt in a sense embarrassed that my life have resorted to this. I really love the article. I only wish the counsel given can bring an effect of change in how I see being on the receiving end. Thank you for posting.
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KellyJuly 19, 2017
I give because I have been helped so many ch by others. I feel a welcomed sense of duty to help others because of help I have received. However, I do find it hard to ask for help because I always feel like I don't really have it bad enough that attention should be put on me when there are others who could use it so much more. My life really isn't all that bad.
JulieJuly 18, 2017
I love Megan's comment. That's a lot the same with me. I'd also add that for me I just don't want to give the busy bodies something to gossip about. Allowing people to know what's going on with you makes you vulnerable to having the details spread through the neighborhood. I am a private person and prefer to keep it that way.
dbaker27July 6, 2017
I knew a Bishop who wouldn't accept help in preparation before he sold and moved. He is also the one who said don't offer help to another person if the other person hadn't asked for it. (Notice the word "offer" there, not pushing help on someone or insisting.)
KatyJuly 3, 2017
SO true! Thanks for sharing this! This is something I have struggle with in the past, but then had life experiences where I couldn't "hold it all together." I was so embarrassed that we needed help financially, physically, emotionally, as well as spiritually. I never expected to find myself in that situation because I was taught to work hard. Not matter how much I gritted my teeth though, we couldn't pass through it alone. To the few ward members who knew at the time, we received nothing but love. Now being on the other end where we can give, it has blessed me as I learn to be more Christlike with opportunities to love and serve. I am thankful for the privilege to help others too. It must have been a bit of how those who reached to us felt like. What a blessing to both the happy giver and the joyful receiver. Thanks agin for writing this.
Neal ChristensenJune 30, 2017
If givers are to receive the blessings of giving there must be grateful receivers.
HalJune 29, 2017
Thank you for a great article! I sometimes have this attitude of being embarrassed to have someone else provide service for me. I have to remind myself that even the Savior allowed other people to serve Him. If I truly want to be Christ-like I need to graciously accept offers of service from others just as I am willing to serve others myself.
AnonymousJune 29, 2017
Unfortunately I never ask for help anymore. I tried reaching out when desperate for understanding when dealing with mental issues...asking for a bit of time to do a calling or apologizing for not being able to do a service because I was struggling...and members backed away and avoided. The stigma I guess. You are broken and unusable if going through things like that. No one to talk to anymore...you don't exist. I then became fodder for gossip that keeps trickling back to me and is so painfully sharp. I never expected any of this and it was a heartbreakingly difficult experience that seems to never end as I still have the issues, still have the stigma, and still have the avoidance many years later. Sometimes it's unbearable. But it doesn't stop me from a strong testimony,, attending my meetings or keeping my covenants. I know there are others dealing with the same issues as I do because I read about it over and over. But in my little ward out here in the Southern states and somewhat secluded...they stay quiet. Probably because this is what happens. So most of us are hurting and alone. Many inactive or barely hanging on. But I'm blessed to know my Savior lives and that He listens to me, that there is no stigma with him... no harshness, no judgement, no avoidance...only love, mercy, a constant listening ear, peace when I need it the most and never-ending support. For that I'm so thankful and so blessed.
MeganJune 29, 2017
Pride is an easy thing to blame when it comes to refusing help. But another reason is a belief deep down that you are unworthy of the sacrifice of others, that you are not worth their time and effort. Many people in the church feel a deep-seated lack of worth that leaves them feeling they don't deserve to receive help. For those of us with anxiety and depression who know personally how hard it can be to stop and clean that house or make that cassserole, we don't feel able to ask others to do the same for us. We don't feel we merit it. And then we feel even more ashamed when our struggles are labeled as pride because it's not embarrassment, but a lack of self worth.
ElaineJune 29, 2017
Years ago when we were having a difficult time, our bishop told us we needed to humble ourselves and allow others to help us. Because by not doing so we could be depriving those who want to help of blessings. That has stuck with me.
Jay SessionsJune 29, 2017
Please receive our thanks and appreciation for such great meaningful articles!!! We are giving because we have received many great thoughts from your writing
Helene MatherJune 29, 2017
I grew up poor. We were not eligible for welfare even though our parents divorced when I was 2 and our mom died when I was 10. So finding creative ways to feed 5 siblings was tough. To this day I hate standing in line for free food. Whether it be a buffet at a wedding or a church function. I give because I know what it's like not to have. I recently went through a rough patch and was unable to decline help offered. I felt in a sense embarrassed that my life have resorted to this. I really love the article. I only wish the counsel given can bring an effect of change in how I see being on the receiving end. Thank you for posting.
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