My husband of 26 years left me right before COVID hit hard. There were no calls or texts for six months. I filed for divorce and he got served and started (with a fight) spousal support. Two payments later he’s now been back for a few months. He says it’s a midlife crisis (he’s in his early 50s). My question is how and what do I do now?
More Marriage Features
Along the way in marriage, we may wonder if we failed to discern fundamental flaws in our partners when we were courting. We wonder if we made poor decisions in marrying the people we did. Or we begin to demand that our partners change. Resentment grows. Contention increases. Is there hope to get back to a loving relationship in the midst of such irritations?
We have five small children, and I am a stay-at-home mom. I always dreamed of this and I would not change it for anything in the world! But parenting so many small children, especially during a pandemic with no outside help, is mentally and physically exhausting. My husband is the only one I can turn to for relief and he resents it.
Our son’s last visit home was filled with despair. His wife is from another country. He speaks her language. They have three children. The past couple of years my son has been reaching out to my wife and me, in more detail. His growing depression and despair are evident. He says she has an intellectual disability that he did not know about until after the marriage.
Dr. Mark Chamberlain and I co-authored the book, "Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity" back in 2011. In this episode we talk about the origin of this book, how it helps couples, and what things we would change if it were reissued today.
My husband was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder three years ago. He still just wants to “work on the marriage,” and has a very difficult time doing any personal core work. In fact, he doesn’t go to therapy anymore.
Betrayed partners are understandably terrified to offer forgiveness and compassion to their unfaithful spouse. They've often already offered the benefit of the doubt, forgiveness, understanding, and compassion over years when they were being lied to and manipulated. So, the idea of extending this back to their partner doesn't feel safe. What is to be done?