Brother Jensen did not show up to teach his Sunday School class. He did not line up a substitute teacher. In fact, he did not even call a member of the Sunday School presidency to let them know he wouldn’t be able to teach. He just did not show, again.
Does this situation sound familiar? Perhaps one of the reasons people repeatedly fail to follow through on commitments is that we struggle to hold them accountable.
My co-authors and I recently studied what happens to individuals, teams and even entire organizations when underperformers abound. While it would be nice to find that slackers are few and far between, we unfortunately found that 93 percent of employees report working with people who don’t pull their weight. Even more disturbing than the prevalence of poor performance is what doesn’t happen, when it comes to dealing with a slacker. Our research found only 10 percent speak up and hold underperforming colleagues accountable. As a result, slacking co-workers cause a quarter of their hard-working colleagues to put in four to six more hours of work each week. And worse-four out of five say the quality of their own work declines when picking up others’ slack.
It turns out that when it comes to confronting a slacker, most people assume the conversation isn’t worth having. Reasons people list for staying silent include the belief that speaking up won’t make a difference, will undermine their relationship, or that it isn’t their place to confront the other person at all. Some even fear retaliation or just simply don’t know how to begin that type of accountability conversation.
Although we haven’t researched accountability specifically in our church or other non-profit organizations, I suspect if we did, our findings would be very similar, or worse. Holding others accountable in a volunteer church setting provides some unique challenges because we often feel bad for adding more to others’ already busy plates, we don’t want to hurt feelings or offend, we want to be kind and charitable and we hate being the bad guy.
Despite these challenges, we must remember to consider the risks of not speaking up, in addition to the potential risks of speaking up. What are the consequences of teachers not showing up for their classes? Of leaders planning poorly? Of assignments being missed? What happens when events are poorly attended or when efforts are lackadaisical?
The only way to help each other be more responsible is to hold each other accountable to fulfill our duties and commitments. Here are a few skills that can be used to hold others accountable in a way that builds relationships and helps improve outcomes.
1.Suspend judgments and get curious. Perhaps your fellow Saint is unaware of the effects of his or her actions. Enter the conversation as a curious friend rather than an angry superior. Ask yourself, why would a reasonable, rational person not follow through? Did they forget? Did something prevent them from fulfilling their responsibilities?
2.Make it safe. Don’t start by diving into the issue. Establish safety by letting your brother or sister know you respect him or her and remind him or her of the mutual goals you share. You might say, “Brother Jensen, I appreciate your willingness to accept the call to teach Sunday School. I know you love the youth and want to serve them, as do I.”
3.Share facts and describe the gap. Start with the facts of the issue and strip out accusatory, judgmental and inflammatory language. Then, describe the gap between what was expected and what happened. For example, “Last Sunday, I went to your class and you were not there. As near as I can tell, none of the presidency received a call from you beforehand, and a substitute teacher did not show up. What happened?”
4.Tentatively share concerns. Having laid out the facts, tell your brother or sister why you’re concerned. Help him or her see the natural consequences of his or her actions. You might say, “When you don’t show up to teach your class or make other arrangements, the youth are left without a teacher and none of us are prepared to cover or fill-in.”
5.Invite dialogue. Next, ask if he or she sees the problem differently. If you are open to hearing others’ points of view, they’ll be more open to yours. For example, “Do you see it differently? Help me understand what you are thinking.”
This simple approach does not guarantee every accountability problem will be solved. However, it does minimize defensiveness and disrespect. It also increases the likelihood that issues can be discussed and worked through in a respectful, loving way that solves problems and strengthens relationships.
About Ron McMillan
Ron McMillan is the four-time New York Times best-selling co-author of Crucial Conversations, Crucial Confrontations, Influencer, and Change Anything. He is also the co-founder of VitalSmarts, an innovator in corporate training and organizational performance. VitalSmarts has consulted with more than 300 of the Fortune 500 companies and trained more than 800,000 people worldwide. For related content from Ron and his co-authors, please visit www.crucialskills.com.
jiFebruary 3, 2015
I look at all this a little differently. To me, everything in the church is a gift -- and no one has a right to DEMAND a gift. If a sister teachers a Primary class, that is a gift to those children -- and if she doesn't come one Sunday, well, the children don't get her gift that Sunday -- if the kids have to stay with their parents during the Primary lesson hour, that's okay. Yes, everyone should do their best to magnify their callings. But we seem overly focused on holding people accountable rather than appreciating people and the gifts they offer. In the work world, we hold people accountable by paying them wages and letting them go to another employer if things don't work out -- in the church world, we don't pay wages and we don't give members a chance to seek for employment in another church organization. Seriously -- if the ward organist misses a Sunday unexpectedly, what happens? What fails? We can still sing -- and we can still pray -- and we can still bear testimony -- and we can still partake of the sacrament -- yes, we miss his or her gift of music for that day, but the sacrament meeting isn't a failure. Has anyone ever shared a sentiment of appreication with their organist for his or her weekly gifts? So I reject any thought of holding church members accountable in our pastoral churches. However, I am supportive of the original posting's suggestions in an effort of ministering to the absent Sunday School teacher.
Lisa ReisingMarch 21, 2013
While I appreciate the great ideas shared here in how to confront this problem in our wards and stakes, I have a different perspective about the author's statement that we are shy about holding people accountable in "a volunteer church setting". When was the last time anyone "volunteered" to serve in a calling? We are called to serve. We accept an assignment. It is an extension of our covenant in becoming a member of the church. We don't volunteer to be a bishop or a scout leader or a teacher. When people fall down in a priesthood-generated call to serve it becomes a situation that needs remedy (which we can all be sympathetic to) but which nonetheless demands accountability. Just because we are unpaid does not make us volunteers. In other organizations "volunteers" are sometimes paid and sometimes not. If you think about it, there is a difference. Even missionaries do not volunteer to serve in specific missions - they are assigned, for a specific job in a specific amount of time. We exercised agency to be baptized and join the family of Christ - once "in", we have obligations - and when we accept a calling from a priesthood leader to serve we have an obligation to fulfill what is expected. In my estimation the breakdown of this commitment often comes in a poorly communicated "call" and/or training from immediate leaders about what the job actually entails, what the expectations are, and to whom the person will be accountable to. We all have room for improvement in these various assignments... but this is definitely not a volunteer organization - we are under a covenantal agreement to serve by assignment.