If you paid attention in your junior high biology class, you’ll remember the lesson on the life cycle of butterflies.
Your teacher likely showed you photos, and maybe even a time-lapse video, of the egg stage, the hatching, the emergence of the caterpillar, then the miraculous grand entrance of the beautiful butterfly.
In many ways, that marvel of nature is an apt metaphor for our own development as human beings. We may not have literal wings, but through the gift of agency we have choice. And regardless of our circumstances our choices determine what and who we become.
That’s the thesis behind Frank Sonnenberg’s new book Become: Unleash the Power of Moral Character and Be Proud of the Life You Choose.
Frank is an award-winning author and well-known advocate for moral character, values, and personal responsibility. He’s written 11 books and has been named one of “American’s Top 100 Thought Leaders.” He’s served on several boards and has consulted to some of the world’s largest and most respected companies. His blog has attracted millions of readers.
If you’re talking with someone with those kind of credentials you likely have a lot of questions. Here are some of mine.
In today’s society, simple civility seems to be in troubling short supply. How can a leader (of a family, a team, an organization, or even a nation) foster civility?
Frank offers 11 guideposts to consider:
- Never lower your personal standards. Never! If others want to rant or be mean-spirited on social media, let them.
- Seek the truth. Search for the truth rather than subscribing to information that supports your existing beliefs.
- Think for yourself. While you may think that following the crowd is a safe bet, they may be leading you right off a cliff.
- Be objective. Encourage diverse viewpoints.
- Encourage debate. You don’t win a debate by suppressing discussion, you win it with a better argument.
- Judge ideas, not people. Discuss differences openly, honestly, and respectfully. Focus on the message, not the messenger.
- Remember, an opinion is not a fact.
- Don’t just talk. Some people don’t communicate. They just take turns talking.
- Try to find the merit in each other’s arguments. See their side of an argument before expecting them to see yours.
- Identify areas of common agreement and mutual interest.
- Put yourself in each other’s shoes. Ask yourself whether you’d be happy to trade places with them.
How can people proactively navigate their daily lives so they’re more likely to be happy?
Frank recommends taking this challenge: “For the next week, there will be no complaining, no worrying, no judgment, no jealousy, and no self-defeating thoughts,” he says. “That means that you must be optimistic, see the good in everything, and be a positive influence in other people’s lives.”
He knows that seems like a big ask, but he believes you can do it.
“Think how much happier you’ll be if you choose to be positive, see the silver lining, and appreciate all the wonderful things in your life,” he says. “When you see the good in the world, make people feel special, and serve as a positive influence, your soul will smile.”
Dr. Rodger Dean Duncan is the award-winning, bestselling author of CHANGE-friendly LEADERSHIP: How to Transform Good Intentions into Great Performance. For a FREE copy of his book, click here.
