When our baby died, not a man approached me. The rejection when I needed fellowship of other men the most sent me into severe depression and almost-suicide; the baby's death was easy compared to the rejection. I learned from that - when there is a tragedy, my hand is extended every single week when I see them at church. I also warn them that I'm a hugger and they'd better tell me if they DON'T want to be hugged. I let them know that when I ask how they are doing, I really DO want to know. And then I listen. Where I'm allowed I do other things to fellowhip, but you have to know the person and know what their needs are as well as their limits.
MaryannAugust 2, 2014
Many years ago I had a baby girl who lived for only 5 hours. I was astonished when a church member responded by telling me how WONDERFUL that was because I had a baby guaranteed to me in the Celestial Kingdom. His "CONGRATULATIONS!" attitude was so insensitive I could hardly believe it. His tone of voice suggested that I had just won the lottery. Years later My precious Grandmother died. As I grieved for her, I had yet another church member express impatience that I was mourning for someone who was so old and ready to die. When my mother was dying from cancer, ANOTHER church member made the comment, "Well--we're ALL dying!" Needless to say, as members of the church, we need to eliminate these insensitive, flip comments. Instead of dismissing the real pain of losing a loved one, we need to allow the bereaved to feel what they are feeling, and to offer compassion in our words and actions. Skip the "pat" comments, allow them to express their grief, and give them a hug.
J. G.August 1, 2014
Yes, just do something! I remember when my father died, people in my ward said, "if I can do anything, let me know." And so nobody did anything. Since the funeral was in another city, no one even came to the funeral. After it was over people just ignored me as they did before.
At the time of his death, and after their comments to "let me know", I felt, "What? Do they want me to call and say "Can you fix sandwiches for us?" or "Can you watch my baby while I take the others shopping for clothes to wear to the funeral?" It was a very lonely and difficult time. I still remember the pain. Just do anything that would take some of the burden away. It will be appreciated more than you know.
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Been ThereAugust 5, 2014
When our baby died, not a man approached me. The rejection when I needed fellowship of other men the most sent me into severe depression and almost-suicide; the baby's death was easy compared to the rejection. I learned from that - when there is a tragedy, my hand is extended every single week when I see them at church. I also warn them that I'm a hugger and they'd better tell me if they DON'T want to be hugged. I let them know that when I ask how they are doing, I really DO want to know. And then I listen. Where I'm allowed I do other things to fellowhip, but you have to know the person and know what their needs are as well as their limits.
MaryannAugust 2, 2014
Many years ago I had a baby girl who lived for only 5 hours. I was astonished when a church member responded by telling me how WONDERFUL that was because I had a baby guaranteed to me in the Celestial Kingdom. His "CONGRATULATIONS!" attitude was so insensitive I could hardly believe it. His tone of voice suggested that I had just won the lottery. Years later My precious Grandmother died. As I grieved for her, I had yet another church member express impatience that I was mourning for someone who was so old and ready to die. When my mother was dying from cancer, ANOTHER church member made the comment, "Well--we're ALL dying!" Needless to say, as members of the church, we need to eliminate these insensitive, flip comments. Instead of dismissing the real pain of losing a loved one, we need to allow the bereaved to feel what they are feeling, and to offer compassion in our words and actions. Skip the "pat" comments, allow them to express their grief, and give them a hug.
J. G.August 1, 2014
Yes, just do something! I remember when my father died, people in my ward said, "if I can do anything, let me know." And so nobody did anything. Since the funeral was in another city, no one even came to the funeral. After it was over people just ignored me as they did before. At the time of his death, and after their comments to "let me know", I felt, "What? Do they want me to call and say "Can you fix sandwiches for us?" or "Can you watch my baby while I take the others shopping for clothes to wear to the funeral?" It was a very lonely and difficult time. I still remember the pain. Just do anything that would take some of the burden away. It will be appreciated more than you know.
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