If my wife refused to wash my cloths I'd just keep wearing them dirty. I've worn the same cloths while backpacking for 3 weeks. Pioneers wore the same set of cloths for 6 months. If she didn't wash her cloths he might sooner notice.This wife could ask him to move the washing machine out on the driveway next to the trunk.I would be more apt to do that than carry small boxes.Another option is to squirt a bunch of dish washing soap in the washing machine with his cloths. This will cause it to make too many suds and it will flood. Then lazy husband can clean up that mess while rooster-pecking his wife for not helping. Role reversal is an option.Call the home teachers to come over and carry the laundry box into the house. If more people had done this more often, it might have saved that inspired program.a
Thank you for your article. Rather than look at our spouse for his/her shortcomings in the marriage, we should first examine our part in it. I find I read something and think "so & so really needs to read this" when in fact I need to study it deeper and implement it in my own life. Thank you again.
I appreciate this article very much ... just what I need because I'm not doing so well in this area lately. It makes me sad and disappointed in myself or in my husband. This article is spot on with really great advice and lots of wisdom. I always sit up and take notice with your articles. Thanks so much.
Wow...in reading these comments from the women in this thread makes me happy I am not married to any of them. Yikes...lots of judgement and thinking they are perfect. Too much in this culture of the husband is lazy and always in the wrong...things go both ways.
The reason that we should treat our spouses with compassion is not because we love them. At times they will give us many reasons not to, and our feelings of affection will wane. We should do it because we love God.
I did not misunderstand what the point of the article. If the guy was dealing with underlying mental issues I would be more understanding with his choices,but I still stand with my original statement. There are some people who through time develope being lazy and there are some people the attribute had always been there.If laundry detergent man is the first,then the advice that was given should absolutely be followed. If the second, then we should teach people not to marry lazy people in the first place.My dad happened to fall in the second category so I couldn't help but jump to my original statement.
I love that she went out and got what she needed and did not inable him to avoid his responsibility. I would have added, "You carry this baby and I'll bring in the detergent."
As a caregiver coach, spouses often reach out to me when they're ready to throw in the towel. They may judge their loved ones as not "adulting" or as being lazy, mean, not "emotionally available," or any number of things. I appreciate your advice to be compassionate and loving no matter what. "Adulting" can also mean being responsible for your own emotions instead of letting someone less capable dictate them for you. And it's usually work to flip your interpretation of your spouse's "lazy" behavior and get in their shoes for a minute. Everyone in every story is doing their best. D&C112:10
While I agree with Becky and Mary, if you find yourself in such a marriage, this advice is excellent. I have learned to think before I speak, and choose words carefully. It has avoided a lot of contention. Your heart must be at peace toward your spouse for the best results. Thank you for this article.
This just makes me sad, especially considering she is pregnant. She could have done his laundry too. If he feels “nagged” (hen-pecked is what MY father called it), then maybe he should try a little harder. My father laid around drinking beer every week end. My mom would ask for help. He refused to do much after his 5-day workweek. Women don’t get a day off or help unless the husband really cares.
I loved this article. You shared great wisdom. All marriage partners would do well to humble themselves and apply the steps you suggested. Thank you
Not sure, but I think Mary and Becky missed the whole point of the article.
It is quite evident that the qualities of the Savior are missing. It is also quite evident that the Lord did not have a hand in the marriage. My two first wives passed on due to terminal illnesses, and my present wife is just as great...the Lord had His hand in putting us together. Harmony should be expected from each spouse, a celestial attribute!
Mental illness and severe dysfunction, sometimes from abuse in peoples' childhood, does exist in the families of Latter-day Saints. This was my situation. We separated through divorce though we were resistant to that. The Lord wanted us to move away from each other's situation and become healthy. We have come back to each other in a more limited way, we ARE sealed and consider each other not just loved ones or friends but husband and wife of the future!
No one should walk on eggshells or have to cajole their (adult?) spouse to carry in a heavy box of laundry detergent in the example given. It is absurd to have to remind an adult of what they have agreed to do. Choices have consequences...And we are talking about choices, not "distractions." Adults don't need to be reminded, children might. "We teach people how to treat us by what we are willing to accept." What is the popular phrase these days? I believe it's called "adulting." It should be embraced, not avoided.
The laundry detergent guy sounds lazy. Maybe step one is to not marry a lazy guy in the first place
Thank you, Wally, for organizing these eternal truths into actionable steps for struggling marriages. I'm so grateful for your hard-earned wisdom gained from years of dedicated study and application.
I went through a very difficult time in my marriage and the book that helped me the most to take a better look at myself and to change myself was Wally Goddard's little book on marriage. I have come to appreciate all his articles for Meridian Magazine and want to express my gratitude to him for his love of our Savior and for his wise words of wisdom. (And to his wife who has helped to shape him, as he gives her so much credit!). Thank you!!
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