I am thankful for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have a sort of love-hate relationship with it. I love it for what it is, its origin, its prophets, revelation, keys, ordinances, and covenants. I hate it for what it does to my pride. I much prefer the image of Jesus Christ as the Lamb of God, but when he turns into the Lion, He becomes a Hunter on the move. He’s very disturbing to my comfort. I feel C.S. Lewis’s angst to the core when he exclaimed, “What do people mean when they say ‘I am not afraid of God because I know He is good?’ Have they never even been to a dentist?[1]
The word definition comes from Latin, which means “of the finite.” We tend to define things by their limitations. Words are the house of meaning; but what do we do with a Being who is “infinite and eternal” (D&C 20:17)? What about His atoning sacrifice, which is also described as “infinite and eternal” (Alma 34:10)? Do we ever get to the bottom of God? If He is the Alpha and Omega, doesn’t that suggest a beginning and an end, or are those words also gateways to more iconoclastic shenanigans?! Do we ever arrive at that moment where we can proclaim, “Now I get it!” and we can say it with a straight face?!
God, Truth, and Reality are perpetually iconoclastic. They will always break our definition of things. No wonder Chesterton quipped, “We do not really want a religion that is right where we are right. We want a religion that is right where we are wrong.”[2] If I ever find myself saying, “I wish the Church would change!” I am betraying my ignorance of the truth that God is God, and I am not. What sort of foolish fellow would ever ask God to budge? The whole idea of repentance is that I change to meet God’s character rather than the other way around! This, of course, assumes that God is running the show around here and not some Darwinian, materialistic reductionism.
Look, I get the fact that Disney’s mother Gothel from the movie Tangled was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad lady, but at least she got one line of her ditty right: “Mother knows best!” My Mom was—and is—a fountain of wisdom. One of the many gems she dropped on me was, “Look, son, the church comforts the disturbed and disturbs the comfortable.” Then she up and moved to Brazil for three years because that Church she followed asked her to. After my father and mother got home, that same Church asked them to rinse and repeat the process for another two years! Yeah, I get it—the church disturbs the comfortable alright.
Sometimes (okay, most of the time), I like my world all wrapped up in a comfort blanket, sitting in my hobbit-hole, with a book nestled snugly in my hands, and a cup of Stephen’s Candy Cane Cocoa placed comfortably nearby. Yes, I like my cat purring on my chest, a copy of The Lord of the Rings in hand, and my world exactly created in precisely my image! It is my natura naturans! How dare those prophets, bishops, ministers—or, for that matter, God—disturb it! Who do they think they are?! Who do they think I am?! I wonder if there is something to the fact that one of the names of God is “I AM”? I wonder if my disconnect with the Church has to do with my disconnect with my perception of reality. This God of ours—and His Church—is indeed iconoclastic.
Chesterton further observed that “religion is the thing that makes the ordinary man feel extraordinary; it is an equally important truth that religion is the thing that makes the extraordinary man feel ordinary.”[3] I wonder if this is why Moses, after experiencing God, flatly stated, “Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed” (Moses 1:10). Why would he? Why would a prince of one of the most powerful kingdoms on planet earth consider himself “nothing”? This in no way means he is worthless, just nothing compared to God. It is like fixating on a star in the night sky. We admire the beauty, the light, and the sea of darkness in which it sits, but when the sun rises in the morning, all other competing lights diminish. It isn’t that they suddenly got turned off; it’s just that they became absorbed in the brightness of the Son.
So then, do I love God and the Church? Yes . . . dang it! God wants me to not only believe in Him and admit the truth, but he wants me to “see, smell, handle, hear, and devour the truth.”[4] I see my religion not as a theory but as a love affair—with all the ups and downs, temper tantrums, and romantic interludes thrown in for good measure. President Gordon B. Hinckley said, “Life is like an old time rail journey–delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”[5]
When I have my issues with God, I find that I am not seeking the Lord “to establish his righteousness,” but that I am seeking to walk in my “own way, and after the image” of my “own god, whose image is in the likeness of the world, and whose substance is that of an idol” (D&C 1:16). The most powerful false god in the world is the one I see in the mirror. I want gods created in my image, but Jesus Christ is beckoning, loving, prodding, and, dare I say, hunting me down until I choose to let God fashion my life in His image—to “let God prevail.”[6] Vae victis! And blessed be the name of God.
[1] C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed, (San Francisco: HarpereOne, 2015), 43.
[2] G.K. Chesterton, The Catholic Church and Conversion.
[3] Charles Dickens, “The Dickens Period.”
[4] G.K. Chesterton, “Alarms and Discursions,” (1911).
[5] Ensign, November 1984, 86.
[6] President Russell M. Nelson, “Let God Prevail,” General Conference, October 2020.
brooks sNovember 10, 2021
Wow. Would love for you to write another book. Let me know when your next one is published. Love your writing style.
Pam RoderNovember 9, 2021
Always grand to hear/read Patrick Degn. Brilliant mind that causes me to smile agree and wish I could say things as well as he. Thank you for the wonderful insight from our paltry human view of God and His "Alpha and Omega" perspective. Thank you Patrick.