Father: Guardian upon the Watchtower
by Claudia Goodman
In a day when harsh voices insist that women are all powerful and totally self-sufficient, many are led to believe that they don’t need men. They insist that the role of fathers is redundant and obsolete, that men are merely appendages to the family.
But there are also those who step forward boldly to proclaim that a child is not whole without a father. The father’s presence in the home is so vital and all-encompassing that families who have lost their fathers must do everything in their power to compensate for them. There are ways to do so, however. Home teachers, bishops, uncles, and grandfathers are among those who can help fill the gap. In addition, we have the Lord’s promise that He will not leave His children to deal with more than they can handle. He will make up the deficit after all we can do.
I like to think of the father as a guardian upon the watchtower of each family fortress. He spends time every day at the pinnacle, keeping a constant vigil against enemies of every kind. From his vantage point he can see all that is happening with vision. And where is the mother? Down in the trenches, fighting the daily battle. She is changing diapers, wiping noses, doing dishes, driving children to activities, and so on. She gets lots of quality time with each child in the process, yet it’s almost impossible to work in the trenches and see the whole vision at the same time. If a mother is to focus fully on her work, she needs a strong father to do his part. From his vantage point as the guardian on the watchtower, the father can be a powerful influence in the lives of his children. I would like to highlight four areas that are especially important.
Perspective
First, a father gives valuable and crucial PERSPECTIVE to his family. He is removed just far enough from the situation that he can have a different view.
When our oldest daughter was a tiny baby, I bought her a darling outfit at the store. I thought it was one of the cutest I had ever seen. I dressed Melissa in it and excitedly showed her to my husband Steve. He took a long look at her and then slowly responded, “Claudia, it’s really cute, but it isn’t modest.”
“She’s only a baby,” I explained. “Most baby clothes aren’t very modest.” But as I thought about it, I realized Steve was right.
I took the outfit back to the store the next day and exchanged it for one that was a lot more modest, even though it wasn’t as cute. It was a simple event that might have been forgotten by the next day-except that it proved to be pivotal in our lives. A father’s broad perspective set the pattern for future decisions, and all seven of our daughters have dressed modestly-from birth. Then when they have reached the age they could go through the temple, none of their wardrobes have had to be modified in any way.
Last fall our daughter Marilee celebrated her twenty-first birthday. She was attending BYU and was totally immersed in her major. She was dating a number of young men but just hadn’t found the right one. She had considered serving a mission but didn’t have any strong feelings that she should when she prayed about it. Marilee and I had talked about her future many times. Even though things were going well, we could both feel that something was missing in her life. “Why don’t we talk to Dad?” I suggested.
I had learned early in our marriage that whenever I’m not sure what to do, it is time to consult the father of our home. His perspective is an important addition to mine. I can give lots of valuable input on decisions, but he sometimes has a vision I may not see.
As Marilee shared her concerns with her father, he gave her a perspective of missionary work that expanded her vision. He helped her understand that the reason she hadn’t received any strong feelings about serving a mission was because she needed to make that choice, not just leave it up to the Lord. What did she want to do? She had to decide, then ask the Lord if it was all right with Him.
Acting on her father’s counsel, Marilee decided that she really did want to serve a mission. She called the bishop and moved forward in faith. When she returned from her interview, her face glowed with joy. “It’s right, Mom!” she beamed. “I know I’m supposed to go! I’m so glad I followed Dad’s counsel.” A few months later she wrote from Germany, “I can’t imagine that I ever wondered if I should serve a mission. I’m so happy here!” Her father’s perspective helped her open the door to her future.
Protection
The second thing a father offers as a watchman on the tower is PROTECTION. Often he can detect distant dangers lurking long before we encounter them in our daily activities.
When our oldest son Shawn was about nine, he was involved in a biking accident that cut his leg open to the bone. We were both frantic and sobbing as I carefully wrapped his leg in a clean dishtowel and drove him to the local hospital. Suddenly a feeling of calm settled over both of us, and we arrived at the hospital in complete control. Later my husband called and asked, “What happened at 12:30 this afternoon? I had a feeling that something was wrong at home, so I pulled my car off to the side of the road and said a prayer for you.” He offered his prayer at the same moment we felt protection and peace.
On our way back from an international trip, our family had a layover in New York City. Steve decided to take us to a Broadway musical-a once-in-a-lifetime experience for us. I was excited to see a prominent show that many had said was superb, but instead Steve chose to take us to “Beauty and the Beast.” I was a little disappointed and asked him why he chose that play over the one I had hoped to see. He said he didn’t feel the message of the other one would be as uplifting for our children. We greatly enjoyed the performance.
A year later Steve and I had the opportunity to attend the other musical as part of a conference we were attending. I was very disappointed in its theme and content was so glad our children had not seen it, thanks to Steve’s insight in protecting them in all situations.
One night when Julianne was at BYU, she was having some deep concerns regarding friends, dating, and schoolwork. She was crying in loneliness as she struggled to do her homework. Then the phone rang. “Hi, Julianne, this is Dad calling from California. Is something wrong? I just had a feeling I should call you.” A father’s protection reaches across the miles to encircle those he loves.
At the Crossroads
As a guardian on the watchtower, a father can also determine the significant or pivotal events in his family’s lives, so that he can be there AT THE CROSSROADS. Mother can enjoy and support most of the little happenings in her children’s lives, but there’s nothing like a father to make things special. One of the highlights for our children have been what we call “special times” with their dad-shaving with him, noisy kisses, tickle fights, times when Dad drives to Provo to give a daughter a priesthood blessing, treats at 7-Eleven, hikes in the mountains, emails to say I love you, or just a good talk on the bed.
Our little grandson Alex was playing out on our swing set the other day, when he discovered a big ant pile. Fascinated, he watched it with his mother for a while, but his excitement was too great to contain. Over and over he shouted, “Daddy, Daddy!” Nothing would do short of finding his dad and leading him by the hand out to enjoy his wonderful new discovery with him.
Our three sons, Mark, David, and Peter, will never forget the Klondike Derby scout camp. Here is the story in Mark’s words: “Dad was away on a business trip, but he promised he would meet us at the camp. We pitched our tent and began watching for him. Finally it got too dark and cold to stay up any longer. Just then Dad arrived with treats for all of us and even a heater! He had driven five hours to catch a flight that connected with another one that would get him to our camp in time. Dad is so cool. He’s always there for us!”
Four nights after our car accident, Andrea’s condition was so critical that the doctor called our family together. Even Steve, who was also in intensive care, was wheeled into the meeting. The doctor explained to us that all the machinery hooked up to Andrea was maxed out and that they didn’t expect her to survive, but that they wanted to wait until morning to turn off the machinery. The immediate response of several of the relatives was to call all the extended family and tell them to rush to the hospital before Andrea was gone. I didn’t feel good about it but wasn’t sure what to do. Then Steve gave the advice we all needed. “I’m not so sure Andrea is ready to go. Let’s not give up on her yet.” Even in his severely weakened state, Steve was there at the crossroads giving his family the direction they needed. The next morning Andrea improved dramatically and started on the road to recovery.
Last week Mark graduated from high school. The night before graduation, his dad was informed that he had to meet with a client the next day in a city five hours away. In order to be back in time for Mark’s graduation, he left at 4:30 the next morning, held the meeting, and immediately drove back, arriving just in time. Even when he is out of town, a good father finds ways to be there at the crossroads of his family’s lives.
Tenderness
Finally, a father is not afraid to be TENDER with his children. Our daughter Christy tells the following story about her father: “I had had a hard day, a hard week. Nothing seemed to be going right. It was one of those times. I had been crying. Then my dad came in and said, ‘What’s wrong?’
“I said ‘Nothing.’ I didn’t want to talk about it.
So he put on some romantic music-I think it was ‘Snow White’-and danced around the kitchen table with me. Then he looked me in the eyes and said, ‘You’ll always be my girl.’
At that moment it didn’t matter who thought anything about me. I knew my dad loved me and that he always would.”
One night after performing at BYU Education Week, we decided to spend the night at my parents’ home in Provo, since it was late and we were tired. As we were settling in, Steve told me he thought he had better drive home to Sandy (forty-five minutes away) because he had an early meeting the next morning. Forty minutes later he called to say he was returning. He didn’t know why, but he just had a strong feeling he needed to come back.
When he finally came to bed a couple of hours later, he woke me and told me what happened. He arrived at the house to find our daughter Marilee sitting alone on the porch swing sobbing. He went and sat down by her and put his arms around her as she told him that she and her boyfriend had just broken off their relationship. She knew it was right but was so much in need of comfort. And there was her dad, right at the crossroads, offering protection, perspective, and most of all the tenderness she needed so much at that time.
As we honor our fathers this month, may we always remember that they are every bit as vital to children’s success and happiness as are their mothers. We pay tribute to those who honor the greatest calling a man can hold-Father: a guardian upon the watchtower.
2001 Meridian Magazine. All Rights Reserved.
