This is an interesting situation. Although she is his sister, she is actually a stranger. However, she is a stranger that he is supposed to love because she is actually a family member. He would have a hard time processing what his reaction to her should be.
There would be excitement because of finding each other, but it would be as a man and woman getting to know each other as adults who were sharing thoughts and feelings. Maybe both would find this appealing and new after being married for a long time. It is more on a romantic level since they have no history of growing up together as brother and sister.
It is sad that they don't have the maturity to see it for what it is, and recognize that their first responsibility and loyalty should be towards the one that they have promised to love and cherish forever, and who has stood by them all these years.
Joan
Name WithheldFebruary 24, 2021
My daughter had an experience with many parallels. She was adopted through LDS Family Services as a baby. With encouragement from both my wife and I, she found her birth parents. To make a long story short, she became very enamored with her birth father and moved in with him and his family a week after meeting him/them. They were everything to her and she started to treat us like we were someone she used to know. I found out through a relative that there is a thing called genetic attraction. It can be sexual or not sexual, and it can be a slippery slope. Fortunately, her birth father's family was going under a lot of changes due to building a new home, living with another family, extended family drama, etc., that there was no privacy and her birth father and birth step-mother had a good marriage. There was a lot of conflict over the whole situation and my daughter wouldn't speak to me for a year. After that, she wouldn't speak to my wife for six months.
For a long time, I felt like the father's version of "my wife dumped me for another man." Only, my version was "my daughter dumped me for another dad."
Another long story short, over several years things finally settled down and we have a much better relationship with her.
I'd suggest that you check out Genetic Attraction or Genetic Sexual attraction to see what it's about, and if there is a support group online, it would be a good place to learn more about it.
I'm so sorry for what you and your husband are going through. It's very painful and can be enormously heartbreaking. Approach this very prayerfully and if your husband refuses to go to counseling, you go by yourself so you can learn how to handle this. God bless you! I will be praying for you.
Maryann TaylorFebruary 22, 2021
I think the statement Geoff made that your husband cannot love you with all of his heart if he is giving her his deepest affections and affirmations is so true. I can understand your husband's excitement about finding his long lost sister. However, his behavior is extremely inappropriate. If he continues to refuse to go to therapy with you, I would tell him you cannot continue in the relationship as it is. Even if he stops his disloyal conversations with her, there is something very wrong in his mind, and he definitely needs counseling. His problems began long before his sister came into it.
David S.February 21, 2021
Interesting read!
Ann Blake-TracyFebruary 20, 2021
What you describe rings a bell for me as one of the Facebook group i head is called Antidepressant-induced Divorce Epidemic & we deal with some extremely bizarre situations where couples after being happily married for many years suddenly split due to bizarre situations forming quickly in their lives after being on an antidepressant even a short time.
I watched Utah go from the lowest divorce rate in the nation to over the national average of divorce in 7 years after the introduction of the first SSRI antidepressant. One couple from Idaho reported to me in the late 90's being in an LDS marriage group for counseling where each of the nine couples were highly encouraged to go on one of these drugs. This couple refused & they were the only couple out of that group of nine to remain married!
Then LDS Singles wanted me to come & lecture for them because they had noticed that those on these drugs were in what they called their "Revolving Door" group where they would join, find a mate, marry & come right back in no time divorced & ready to go through the same process all over again & again & again! The drugs change who you are. They are mind altering & can produce psychosis. Even Osama Bin Laden's son, Omar, has been diagnosed with Antidepressant-induced Schizophrenia. So I do believe it is important to make sure he is not on any "medication" that could produce this type of behavior. And if so you may want to read through this warning from the Apostle John about prescription drugs in our day, but keep in mind that the warnings to NEVER EVER change the dose of these drugs abruptly whether increasing or decreasing. Generally half the time spent on these drugs is what time is needed to withdraw safely. They say heroin withdrawal is nothing in comparison! :
Drugawareness.org/spirituality-and-sorcery
J. HamiltonFebruary 19, 2021
Excellent response. I ALWAYS enjoy reading Geoff's insights and suggestions. While the situations each time may not apply to me, I learn so much and have great "take aways" that are enlightening in my life and relationships. Thank you.
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JoanFebruary 24, 2021
This is an interesting situation. Although she is his sister, she is actually a stranger. However, she is a stranger that he is supposed to love because she is actually a family member. He would have a hard time processing what his reaction to her should be. There would be excitement because of finding each other, but it would be as a man and woman getting to know each other as adults who were sharing thoughts and feelings. Maybe both would find this appealing and new after being married for a long time. It is more on a romantic level since they have no history of growing up together as brother and sister. It is sad that they don't have the maturity to see it for what it is, and recognize that their first responsibility and loyalty should be towards the one that they have promised to love and cherish forever, and who has stood by them all these years. Joan
Name WithheldFebruary 24, 2021
My daughter had an experience with many parallels. She was adopted through LDS Family Services as a baby. With encouragement from both my wife and I, she found her birth parents. To make a long story short, she became very enamored with her birth father and moved in with him and his family a week after meeting him/them. They were everything to her and she started to treat us like we were someone she used to know. I found out through a relative that there is a thing called genetic attraction. It can be sexual or not sexual, and it can be a slippery slope. Fortunately, her birth father's family was going under a lot of changes due to building a new home, living with another family, extended family drama, etc., that there was no privacy and her birth father and birth step-mother had a good marriage. There was a lot of conflict over the whole situation and my daughter wouldn't speak to me for a year. After that, she wouldn't speak to my wife for six months. For a long time, I felt like the father's version of "my wife dumped me for another man." Only, my version was "my daughter dumped me for another dad." Another long story short, over several years things finally settled down and we have a much better relationship with her. I'd suggest that you check out Genetic Attraction or Genetic Sexual attraction to see what it's about, and if there is a support group online, it would be a good place to learn more about it. I'm so sorry for what you and your husband are going through. It's very painful and can be enormously heartbreaking. Approach this very prayerfully and if your husband refuses to go to counseling, you go by yourself so you can learn how to handle this. God bless you! I will be praying for you.
Maryann TaylorFebruary 22, 2021
I think the statement Geoff made that your husband cannot love you with all of his heart if he is giving her his deepest affections and affirmations is so true. I can understand your husband's excitement about finding his long lost sister. However, his behavior is extremely inappropriate. If he continues to refuse to go to therapy with you, I would tell him you cannot continue in the relationship as it is. Even if he stops his disloyal conversations with her, there is something very wrong in his mind, and he definitely needs counseling. His problems began long before his sister came into it.
David S.February 21, 2021
Interesting read!
Ann Blake-TracyFebruary 20, 2021
What you describe rings a bell for me as one of the Facebook group i head is called Antidepressant-induced Divorce Epidemic & we deal with some extremely bizarre situations where couples after being happily married for many years suddenly split due to bizarre situations forming quickly in their lives after being on an antidepressant even a short time. I watched Utah go from the lowest divorce rate in the nation to over the national average of divorce in 7 years after the introduction of the first SSRI antidepressant. One couple from Idaho reported to me in the late 90's being in an LDS marriage group for counseling where each of the nine couples were highly encouraged to go on one of these drugs. This couple refused & they were the only couple out of that group of nine to remain married! Then LDS Singles wanted me to come & lecture for them because they had noticed that those on these drugs were in what they called their "Revolving Door" group where they would join, find a mate, marry & come right back in no time divorced & ready to go through the same process all over again & again & again! The drugs change who you are. They are mind altering & can produce psychosis. Even Osama Bin Laden's son, Omar, has been diagnosed with Antidepressant-induced Schizophrenia. So I do believe it is important to make sure he is not on any "medication" that could produce this type of behavior. And if so you may want to read through this warning from the Apostle John about prescription drugs in our day, but keep in mind that the warnings to NEVER EVER change the dose of these drugs abruptly whether increasing or decreasing. Generally half the time spent on these drugs is what time is needed to withdraw safely. They say heroin withdrawal is nothing in comparison! : Drugawareness.org/spirituality-and-sorcery
J. HamiltonFebruary 19, 2021
Excellent response. I ALWAYS enjoy reading Geoff's insights and suggestions. While the situations each time may not apply to me, I learn so much and have great "take aways" that are enlightening in my life and relationships. Thank you.
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