I have decided that I am sick of snow and ice. It came to me all of a sudden one morning on my way to work. I was driving down the highway, heading south, minding my own business, when all of a sudden my pickup truck hit ice and decided it wanted to go home. I used to have a horse like that. Slacken the reign for one second and she was headed back to her pasture at full speed, with or without her rider. Anyway, when I hit the ice, the horizon zipped around a few times, and I found myself heading north on the same road.
No problem, I thought. Just act nonchalant about the whole thing. I just smiled and waved at people as they went by. They waved back. However, they didn’t smile and they were only waving with one finger. I then remembered I was on a divided highway. Just stay calm, I said to myself. No need to worry about the semi truck bearing down on me in the passing lane. He’s got plenty of room to stop.
He was able to get into the other lane just in time to avoid making sheet metal out of my little Toyota pickup. It must have confused him too, because he called me a few things that didn’t even come close to my real name.
So there I was, realizing that I am really getting sick of snow. It wasn’t the first time that week either. I thought it might be good to get some exercise. Why not go jogging? By the time I got all bundled up to go outside, I couldn’t even walk, let alone jog.
My wife suggested a stationary bike. I’ve always felt a stationary bike was an oxymoron – you know like “smart bureaucrat”. I found one in the paper for a good price. (A stationary bike I mean, not a smart bureaucrat.) My wife and I both agreed to work out on the bike, so we went to see it together. It was a nice one, worth a lot more than the $49.99 they were asking for it.
While my wife was writing the check, I turned to the owner, who was helping me load it. “Why are you selling it for only $49.99, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“Well,” he replied, “if it’s under $50 then you can list it for free in the newspaper. I just wanted to get rid of the darn thing.”
“Why?” I queried further.
“Because, I’m sick of snow. I’m not going to ride that thing one more minute. Furthermore, I’m going to tie a snow shovel to the front of my pickup truck and drive down the road heading south. When I stop somewhere and someone asks me what that thing is tied to the front of my truck, I’m going to buy a home there and stay the rest of my life.”
That was a few weeks ago. Poor guy had spring fever really bad. Somehow the image of him in his truck heading south, with a snow shovel tied to the front, was all I could envision in my mind as the horizon spun by.
So, if you see a Toyota pickup truck with a snow blower tied to the front, just honk and wave and, if you don’t wave with just one finger, I will probably wave back.
