Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this subject. I could have written it myself. I remember the day I forgave my mother freely. She related a time in her childhood when her drunken father came home, pushed my grandmother down the stairs, brandished his gun, and was threatening to shoot her. My mother was seven years old at the time, jumped on his back and screamed at him to not kill her mother. I'm sure he didn't even remember it the next day.
I never knew until she told that story, what kind of childhood my mother had. People of that generation rarely spoke about unpleasant or difficult things.
My mother was physically abusive to all eight of us kids, as was my father. Being the oldest, I resented all I had to do to take care of my siblings. I brought it up one time as an adult and she said, "Who do you think took care of them when you weren't around?" I knew then that I wouldn't ever get an apology, or something like, "I know it must have been hard on you too" from my mother, so I gave up. At least I tried.
When I heard her childhood story for the first time, I frankly forgave her on the spot for the abuse in my childhood. She has told me several stories since. She had nothing to work with.
Thankfully, I joined this church, hoping it would show me how to be a loving mother. It was the best decision I ever made.
She still isn't a very loving mother, but she's my mother. We're supposed to honor our parents. My siblings have all forgiven her but one, that one needing to hear some loving concession from my mother, and still hasn't, but we all keep tabs on her now. She's in her late 80s, fiercely independent, and strong willed. That's just who she is.
BurbidgeOctober 26, 2020
Thank you for your story. I felt like you were telling my story. For years I have been asking the Lord to help me have loving feelings towards my parents. It’s hard . At times I think I’ve done it, then A memory will resurface all my sad feelings, and I have to start forgiving all over again.
You have encouraged me to keep asking, keep forgiving and keep trying
GTOOctober 26, 2020
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. My mother had NPD, as did her mother, and both left a lot of wreckage in the family. Though I was always respectful and courteous, I had to distance myself, since she was a sinking ship. Heavenly Father did tell me she had done the best she could, and since she passed away she has been actively involved in trying to mend the damage and support the grandchildren she only cared about in principle. Miracles have happened.
LexaGraemeOctober 26, 2020
Wow. Thank you for sharing something so tender.
Pattie SOctober 26, 2020
Thank you for your heart-felt article. I, too, had a struggling relationship with my mom. She and I never really bonded and I will always feel sad about that. I bonded with my Grandmother at a very early age. There are times that I cannot see my mother in my life until 5 years of age when my mother remarried. I have come to the conclusion that her first marriage was a tremendous hardship to her. She was beat by her first husband many times. I will always be forever grateful for her making that call to my Grandmother and leaving that abusive relationship. I was only months old and my brother was 2. Mother had a breakdown and my Grandmother cared for me during the nights because mom didn't hear me even though I slept in the same bed as her. All and all, I believe we need to forgive our mother's for their imperfections for I know I have even many imperfections and need to be forgiven from my children. I love forgiveness!!!
DavidOctober 26, 2020
None of us escape childnood unscathed to at least some degree. All parents have shortcomings. As we also do as parents and spouses. Christ's wise teachings were of forgiveness rather than righteous indignation, which applies to those who are close to us as well as the stranger. Thank you for the reminder the forgiveness contains blessings for all concerned, including the forgiver!
Juliann BradshawOctober 26, 2020
Thank you for sharing your journey. I’m currently trying to make sense and peace with my own mother. She is deceased but the healing can still occur. You’ve given me some insights and hope. Thanks for the Light.,
Michael JonesOctober 26, 2020
My mom and me did not get along for 10 years. It all started when I was a child about 3 years old. My mom was a single mom and she eventually married a man who, as far as I was concerned, was nothing but than the adversary personified. He abused my mom, he abused me and he abused his two daughters and his son. Most of my youth was spent running away with my mom and my step-siblings to escape his drunken rages which occurred on a bi-weekly basis. I blamed my mom for what was going on but my mom could not divorce the man because she had 4 children to raise. We eventually all grew up and fled our childhood home leaving my mother on her own. She finally divorced him and ended up being thrown out of her home with the barest minimum and at the age of about 50 she had to start all over again. Then my life fell apart as I was unable to get myself going with what I had been dealt with. I finally called my mom in 2000 and she told me to come home, without hesitation, which I did thankfully. And so began the road to reconciliation. My eldest step sister ending up committing suicide in 2007 and my other two step siblings cast my mother out of their lives and wanted nothing to do with her. Then in 2014 my mother began to deliver excruciating pain, that resulted in her being unable to continue earning an income. She could not even walk anymore. I then took over her newspaper delivery business so that I could support her and sustain her. In March of 2019, in a fit of pain, my mother thanked me, in tears, for being there for her and at the age of 75, for the first time in her life, she told me that she loved me. On 30 March 2019 my mother passed away and to this day I cry, as I am right now, for her loss. I grew to love my mother and I beg everyone who has an issue with their mom, please fix things. The pain of losing your mother is something that is almost unbearable.
Marsha LangOctober 26, 2020
What a beautiful, beautiful story. Forgiveness is a MIRACULOUS thing!!! Thank you for sharing.
KipOctober 26, 2020
Thank you for sharing this tender experience. I am sure many can relate and we always underestimate the power of forgiveness. Many times we think we have forgiven, but we haven't forgotten and President Kimball indicates that's the ultimate. Our best is all we have and we do not know what that is for others because we don't know all the circumstances. "Hearing Him" is always the answer.
Sage GallagherOctober 26, 2020
Thanks for sharing this beautiful account. We are blessed by our prophets counsel. And by the example of good friends.
JimOctober 26, 2020
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful experience in learning, accepting and forgiving. I've had smilar experiences with regards to feelings about my mother due to an abusive childhood and mental illness. I couldn't think of anything good to say about her at the funeral, and instead read "Like a Broken Vessel", pausing midway to express my desire to have a mother who was mentally there. I learned later of the abuse she suffered as a child and I slowly started to feel compassion. But I'm not as far as you are yet. I'm grateful for your sharing what that journey and destination looks like.
HeidiOctober 25, 2020
Thank you for sharing your story and process of receiving personal revelation. It’s very helpful to hear experiences like this.
Gaye WillisOctober 25, 2020
Thank you for sharing the beautiful and tender experience. This is a wonderful example to all of us and the power of healing that comes to our lives and as Hear Him. #HearHim!
MargaretOctober 24, 2020
This is a beautiful, important essay. Thank you. I needed to read this today.
DianeOctober 24, 2020
Thank you for sharing this. Just thank you!
J L GuinnOctober 24, 2020
Thank you so much for this article! I will be sharing it with my sister who unlike me holds resentment towards our mother. I and my siblings was raised by a stepmother who married my dad at age 19 and took on 3 stepchildren. I am now able to look objectively at what she faced but my sister has not been able to put the past in a box and leave it alone. Maybe this article can help. I am lucky enough to still have my parents at age 91 and 84 and I can look at them as people who had no handbook and did their best. I love them dearly.
Comments | Return to Story
SKOctober 27, 2020
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this subject. I could have written it myself. I remember the day I forgave my mother freely. She related a time in her childhood when her drunken father came home, pushed my grandmother down the stairs, brandished his gun, and was threatening to shoot her. My mother was seven years old at the time, jumped on his back and screamed at him to not kill her mother. I'm sure he didn't even remember it the next day. I never knew until she told that story, what kind of childhood my mother had. People of that generation rarely spoke about unpleasant or difficult things. My mother was physically abusive to all eight of us kids, as was my father. Being the oldest, I resented all I had to do to take care of my siblings. I brought it up one time as an adult and she said, "Who do you think took care of them when you weren't around?" I knew then that I wouldn't ever get an apology, or something like, "I know it must have been hard on you too" from my mother, so I gave up. At least I tried. When I heard her childhood story for the first time, I frankly forgave her on the spot for the abuse in my childhood. She has told me several stories since. She had nothing to work with. Thankfully, I joined this church, hoping it would show me how to be a loving mother. It was the best decision I ever made. She still isn't a very loving mother, but she's my mother. We're supposed to honor our parents. My siblings have all forgiven her but one, that one needing to hear some loving concession from my mother, and still hasn't, but we all keep tabs on her now. She's in her late 80s, fiercely independent, and strong willed. That's just who she is.
BurbidgeOctober 26, 2020
Thank you for your story. I felt like you were telling my story. For years I have been asking the Lord to help me have loving feelings towards my parents. It’s hard . At times I think I’ve done it, then A memory will resurface all my sad feelings, and I have to start forgiving all over again. You have encouraged me to keep asking, keep forgiving and keep trying
GTOOctober 26, 2020
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. My mother had NPD, as did her mother, and both left a lot of wreckage in the family. Though I was always respectful and courteous, I had to distance myself, since she was a sinking ship. Heavenly Father did tell me she had done the best she could, and since she passed away she has been actively involved in trying to mend the damage and support the grandchildren she only cared about in principle. Miracles have happened.
LexaGraemeOctober 26, 2020
Wow. Thank you for sharing something so tender.
Pattie SOctober 26, 2020
Thank you for your heart-felt article. I, too, had a struggling relationship with my mom. She and I never really bonded and I will always feel sad about that. I bonded with my Grandmother at a very early age. There are times that I cannot see my mother in my life until 5 years of age when my mother remarried. I have come to the conclusion that her first marriage was a tremendous hardship to her. She was beat by her first husband many times. I will always be forever grateful for her making that call to my Grandmother and leaving that abusive relationship. I was only months old and my brother was 2. Mother had a breakdown and my Grandmother cared for me during the nights because mom didn't hear me even though I slept in the same bed as her. All and all, I believe we need to forgive our mother's for their imperfections for I know I have even many imperfections and need to be forgiven from my children. I love forgiveness!!!
DavidOctober 26, 2020
None of us escape childnood unscathed to at least some degree. All parents have shortcomings. As we also do as parents and spouses. Christ's wise teachings were of forgiveness rather than righteous indignation, which applies to those who are close to us as well as the stranger. Thank you for the reminder the forgiveness contains blessings for all concerned, including the forgiver!
Juliann BradshawOctober 26, 2020
Thank you for sharing your journey. I’m currently trying to make sense and peace with my own mother. She is deceased but the healing can still occur. You’ve given me some insights and hope. Thanks for the Light.,
Michael JonesOctober 26, 2020
My mom and me did not get along for 10 years. It all started when I was a child about 3 years old. My mom was a single mom and she eventually married a man who, as far as I was concerned, was nothing but than the adversary personified. He abused my mom, he abused me and he abused his two daughters and his son. Most of my youth was spent running away with my mom and my step-siblings to escape his drunken rages which occurred on a bi-weekly basis. I blamed my mom for what was going on but my mom could not divorce the man because she had 4 children to raise. We eventually all grew up and fled our childhood home leaving my mother on her own. She finally divorced him and ended up being thrown out of her home with the barest minimum and at the age of about 50 she had to start all over again. Then my life fell apart as I was unable to get myself going with what I had been dealt with. I finally called my mom in 2000 and she told me to come home, without hesitation, which I did thankfully. And so began the road to reconciliation. My eldest step sister ending up committing suicide in 2007 and my other two step siblings cast my mother out of their lives and wanted nothing to do with her. Then in 2014 my mother began to deliver excruciating pain, that resulted in her being unable to continue earning an income. She could not even walk anymore. I then took over her newspaper delivery business so that I could support her and sustain her. In March of 2019, in a fit of pain, my mother thanked me, in tears, for being there for her and at the age of 75, for the first time in her life, she told me that she loved me. On 30 March 2019 my mother passed away and to this day I cry, as I am right now, for her loss. I grew to love my mother and I beg everyone who has an issue with their mom, please fix things. The pain of losing your mother is something that is almost unbearable.
Marsha LangOctober 26, 2020
What a beautiful, beautiful story. Forgiveness is a MIRACULOUS thing!!! Thank you for sharing.
KipOctober 26, 2020
Thank you for sharing this tender experience. I am sure many can relate and we always underestimate the power of forgiveness. Many times we think we have forgiven, but we haven't forgotten and President Kimball indicates that's the ultimate. Our best is all we have and we do not know what that is for others because we don't know all the circumstances. "Hearing Him" is always the answer.
Sage GallagherOctober 26, 2020
Thanks for sharing this beautiful account. We are blessed by our prophets counsel. And by the example of good friends.
JimOctober 26, 2020
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful experience in learning, accepting and forgiving. I've had smilar experiences with regards to feelings about my mother due to an abusive childhood and mental illness. I couldn't think of anything good to say about her at the funeral, and instead read "Like a Broken Vessel", pausing midway to express my desire to have a mother who was mentally there. I learned later of the abuse she suffered as a child and I slowly started to feel compassion. But I'm not as far as you are yet. I'm grateful for your sharing what that journey and destination looks like.
HeidiOctober 25, 2020
Thank you for sharing your story and process of receiving personal revelation. It’s very helpful to hear experiences like this.
Gaye WillisOctober 25, 2020
Thank you for sharing the beautiful and tender experience. This is a wonderful example to all of us and the power of healing that comes to our lives and as Hear Him. #HearHim!
MargaretOctober 24, 2020
This is a beautiful, important essay. Thank you. I needed to read this today.
DianeOctober 24, 2020
Thank you for sharing this. Just thank you!
J L GuinnOctober 24, 2020
Thank you so much for this article! I will be sharing it with my sister who unlike me holds resentment towards our mother. I and my siblings was raised by a stepmother who married my dad at age 19 and took on 3 stepchildren. I am now able to look objectively at what she faced but my sister has not been able to put the past in a box and leave it alone. Maybe this article can help. I am lucky enough to still have my parents at age 91 and 84 and I can look at them as people who had no handbook and did their best. I love them dearly.
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