The law of unintended consequences is a frequently observed phenomenon in which any action has results that are not part of the actor’s purpose. The superfluous consequences may or may not be foreseeable or even immediately observable and they may be beneficial, harmful, or neutral in their impact. For example, our government printed $4 trillion in COVID relief to help people get through the pandemic. They did not intend to create the runaway inflation we have seen over the last year — though that is the natural consequence of massively expanding the money supply while reducing production of goods and services.
The law of unintended consequences can apply in every area of life. You may spend an elaborate amount of money on first dates thinking it will impress your partner. The unintended consequence could be to overwhelm your partner and imply more interest than she can handle so early — or to create an expectation that you can always afford to spend lavishly on dates. You might save money by purchasing cheap running shoes that end up injuring your feet and incurring doctor bills. If a king is empowered to accomplish great things, he may use that power to become a tyrant.
As we explore relationships, there will always be unintended consequences — both positive and negative. Those are, to some extent, inevitable. You may marry someone who achieves great financial success or becomes a great cook after you are married — or you might be in a car accident together that costs one or both of you your life. Both outcomes are almost completely unforeseeable results of choosing to marry a particular person. It is, in many ways, always a leap of faith to choose marriage.
We often counsel against seeing red flags that are not really there — trusting your instincts too much when you are emotionally flooded and fearful. But we don’t want to ignore the opposite mistake, which is failing to consider the unintended consequences that are reasonably foreseeable. Does the passion you love in him often turn to anger? Does the generosity you love in her reflect a tendency to spend or give away money imprudently?
It is important to calmly consider the unintended consequences that could result from marrying a dating partner — not only to prevent unwanted consequences where possible, but also to evaluate whether your partner is a person with whom you could weather the unintended consequences that cannot be reasonably foreseen. Could you nurse him or her while he or she is dying of cancer for many months? If the answer to this is “yes,” perhaps you have a relationship worth keeping.
FEATURED THIS WEEK
LILY Pod Episode 105: Unintended Consequences (33min)
LILY Tube Video: How Red Flags Keep You Single (7min)
LILY Tube Short: Trying on New Thoughts (1min)
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About the Author
Jeff Teichert, and his wife Cathy Butler Teichert, are the founders of “Love in Later Years,” which ministers to Latter-day Saint single adults seeking peace, healing, and more joyful relationships. They are co-authors of the Amazon bestseller Intentional Courtship: A Mid-Singles Guide to Peace, Progress and Pairing Up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Jeff and Cathy each spent nearly a decade in the mid-singles community and they use that experience to provide counsel and hope to mid-singles and later married couples through written articles, podcasts, and videos. Jeff and Cathy are both Advanced Certified Life Coaches and have university degrees in Family & Human Development. They are the parents of a blended family that includes four handsome sons, one lovely daughter-in-law, and a sweet baby granddaughter.
