As my wife and I were enjoying breakfast at one of our favorite restaurants, I overheard part of a conversation from a couple at a nearby table. Apparently, she had ordered a breakfast that included a biscuit. She thought that the biscuit came with gravy. When the order arrived, it was simply a biscuit with eggs, bacon, and fried potatoes. She was disappointed that it wasn’t biscuits and gravy. Her husband appeared pretty adamant that she made an error and should just eat what she ordered. Adding a side order of biscuits and gravy would be an additional $4.60. She asked if she could have the side order. He repeatedly refused. Finally, he ordered the biscuits and gravy but continued to berate her for her error.
By contrast, Wendy Watson Nelson shared how generous President Russell M. Nelson was. In a casual conversation, she mentioned something she was thinking of buying. He would immediately go out and buy it. She said that she learned to be very clear that she was only thinking of buying something. He was so kind and solicitous that he always acted quickly to fulfill her desires.
In both cases, it was not an issue of money. It was an issue of showing that we love and care for and esteem our spouse, our children, other family members, missionary companions, teammates, co-workers, ward members, neighbors — that we see them, we hear them, we feel for them and we desire to serve them. Of course, we don’t fulfill every whim or act outside a carefully planned budget. But it’s not about biscuits and gravy. it’s about helping them feel heard, understood, and validated.
In General Conference Priesthood meeting April 2016, Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf gave a talk “In Praise of Those Who Save.” His counsel can apply to all relationships and especially in marriage and families.
Elder Uchtdorf taught that “In God’s plan of happiness, we are not so much looking for someone perfect but for a person with whom, throughout a lifetime, we can join efforts to create a loving, lasting, and more perfect relationship. That is the goal.”
“Brethren, those who save their marriages [relationships] understand that this pursuit takes time, patience, and, above all, the blessings of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It requires you to be kind, envy not, seek not your own, not be easily provoked, think no evil, and rejoice in the truth. In other words, it requires charity, the pure love of Christ.”
Elder Uchtdorf included the following points:
- … strong marriage and family relationships [all relationships] do not happen just because we are members of the Church. They require constant, intentional work.
- “be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great [relationship]. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.”
- … astonish your wife [others] by doing things that make her [them] happy.
- Those who save their marriages [relationships] choose happiness.
- If we look for imperfections in [relationships], we will certainly find them, because everyone has some. On the other hand, if we look for the good, we will surely find it, because everyone has many good qualities too.
- … celebrate the small acts of grace that spark tender feelings of charity.
- … seek the will of the Lord and listen for the promptings of the Holy Ghost.
- … the beginning and the end of the solution is charity, the pure love of Christ. Without this love, even seemingly perfect families [relationships] struggle. With it, even families [relationships] with great challenges succeed.
- Set aside pride… Even when you are not at fault—perhaps especially when you are not at fault—let love conquer pride.
- As we emulate the Savior’s love, He will surely bless and prosper our righteous efforts to save … and strengthen [all of our relationships].
May the Lord bless us to set aside pride and emulate our Savior’s love in all of our relationships.
