Many of my friends have set a goal for a more united family in the New Year. Sound familiar? Some families have fissures and breaks that kept everyone from uniting at Thanksgiving or Christmas. Some have hurtful words still burning in their hearts. Some despair that healing will ever happen.
But it can. We all know that we live in impassioned times. Social issues, politics, religion, personality differences—everything seems magnified and polarized. Satan has amped up the heat, and turned family members against one another as never before.
But he doesn’t have to win. In fact, he never has to win. Here’s the magic formula:
- Instead of showing disappointment, fatigue, horror, or any other reaction that only widens the gap, show curiosity. In fact, try making “curiosity” your theme word of the New Year. Keep loving your family member, and simply ask to know more about what they think and why. Don’t judge, don’t correct, just learn. Don’t you find their brain fascinating? Wouldn’t you like to know more about how they came to this conclusion? This doesn’t mean you are giving up your own beliefs; you are merely learning about theirs.
- Allow for silence and space. Maybe both of you can mull over each other’s views without saying anything. This is a chance to calm down, pray, take a deep breath, remember how deeply you love the other person, and show respect for their feelings. Turn it around: If you had a strong position someone disagreed with, wouldn’t you want to be treated this same way?
- Ask, “What would you like to have happen?” or “What would that look like?” Seek for a way to allow room for both of you to exist with mutual respect, and above all, demonstrate love.
- Do something together that you can agree on—if it involves service so much the better. Set aside your differences and work to help Sister Smith get to the doctor, or Brother Jones to fix his fence. Sometimes these moments remind us that loving others is far more important than quibbling about current politics. Focus on what you do have in common. Don’t let one issue cross out your entire history together. Talk about times when you had fun together, worked on something together, or even felt grief together. Bonds were formed; let’s not break those if we can. Let’s build from there. Must we agree with every single opinion of those we love? Do we not have friends of other faiths, other backgrounds, other interests? Can’t we agree on movies we like, foods we crave, habits that annoy us, things that make us laugh?
- Think about how soldiers unite. They often disagree about dozens of things—but they choose a purpose that rises above their differences, and work together for a cause or a goal. Can you both make Family Unity a priority?
- Have you ever changed your mind about anything? Share that. Demonstrate that you are not a block of cement, but a growing, listening, learning being. How else can revelation change us? See if both of you could envision being able to adjust your thinking. I know that with my testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel, nothing could change my mind. But that doesn’t mean I must now hate everyone who disagrees with me. Can they say the same?
- Try re-framing what each other says. “Okay, if I’m understanding you correctly, you feel…” demonstrates that you’re truly listening, and you want to get it right. It dials down anger, and helps both of you work for understanding. I wrote another Meridan article here about five years ago, describing other ways to actually get along.
- Stay in control of your temper. When we lose that, Satan is winning. And if we can just agree to defeat him together, at least we have that in common!
- Keep praying, keep attending the temple, keep your covenants. Your example is more powerful than you realize. Pray for faith. Pray for insight. Pray to know what you need to change. And keep inviting estranged loved ones to join you. Come and tell that hilarious camping story… come and make your amazing cheesecake… I need you on my Scrabble team… come and sing with us… come and help Ella with her math—she has your same drive… come and laugh at little Noah’s jokes…make it about more than your disagreements. The message is: I love what you bring to the table.
Yes, it’s work to keep a family together. We need to allow others to have their own views—sometimes different from ours—and realize we are both climbing and growing. Hopefully we want the best for one another. And that love is the glue.
Joni Hilton teaches Seminary, and is the author of dozens of best-selling LDS books. She was a script writer for Music and the Spoken Word for 30 years, and has hundreds of life hacks on her Youtube Mom channel.
MaryannJanuary 6, 2026
I'm all for creating family unity, and one of the best ways to avoid the political divisions is just to agree that you won't talk about that subject. I am really not interested in asking questions, or opening up a discussion, about WHY someone supports abortion on demand, or wants to eliminate the 2nd Amendment, or talk about trans-gender issues. I believe discussing these things is rarely productive or helpful. I think we should be focusing more on how we are alike as children of God, and on the love that binds us together. The world is obsessed with our differences which often puts "diversity" on a pedestal.
Corey D.January 4, 2026
Easier said than done. Especially when the family members viewpoints be it political, religious, social or whatever, particularly religious are what is causing them unhappiness in their lives but they don't see it or don't want to admit it and so they distance themselves from family.