Every one of us has prayed for something we desperately want. Then, knowing we should also do our part, we roll up our sleeves and try to help God with our latest request.

This is a great idea when it comes to hunting for a job, finding a lost item, or listening to the Holy Ghost’s promptings about whom to marry or where to move.

But, too often we apply this same “God helps those who help themselves” mentality to situations where we simply need to get out of His way.

We have some less-active grown children. Like many parents, I would send them articles, songs, and thoughts. I would mention my hopes and dreams for them, and my confidence in their futures. I kept their names in the temple, something I will continue to do. I would fast and pray for them. Twice I found single women at the temple whose names and numbers I would pass along.

And for more than 20 years, I would pray, giving God ideas. Here are some of my brilliant suggestions:

  •             Have a Latter-day Saint family walk by, singing a favorite Primary song.
  •             Have them meet a Latter-day Saint person while in line at a store.
  •             Have a Latter-day Saint girl fall out of the sky.
  •             Have them hire someone fantastic, and find out they’re a Latter-day Saint.
  •             Have them move next door to a terrific Latter-day Saint family.
  •             Have them get into a minor car accident, just enough to shake them up and make them reevaluate life. (And this                       actually happened. Well, the first part but not the second part, and I felt terrible.)
  •             Have their local ward ask them to teach a class on their area of expertise.
  •             Have them receive a visit from a dead ancestor in the middle of the night.
  •             Have them look up at the clouds and see the shape of a temple.
  •             Have them re-read their photo albums which include their Primary talks.
  •             Have them see missionaries and remember the joy of their own missions.
  •             Have a member take them under their wing and build real friendship.

I could go on and on. Many of you could, too. And then one day it hit me: God doesn’t need my ideas! He’s God!  He has far better ideas. I could just picture Him chuckling and shaking His head at my feeble attempts to “help.”

And then I had a second idea:  Just maybe all my mental gymnastics and bustling about could be backfiring!  Did I need to simply get out of the way?

It hit me that by praying for the wanted outcome, and then running around as if it were still all up to me, I might just be undoing the careful groundwork Heavenly Father is laying. I could almost hear a gentle “Hush, Joni. I’ve got this.”

One time, after a fervent prayer for one of them, I started up the stairs and distinctly heard, “One step at a time.” Like many promptings, this one had layers of meaning. One was the wonderful assurance that God was listening to my prayers and was absolutely aware of this child. Another was that I needed patience. What we want has to happen on His timetable. If rushed, it might not have the elements that will secure lasting dedication.

Sometimes we simply need to hand it over to God and exercise faith that He wants His children back even more desperately than we do.

And that’s when my desperation turned into inspiration. I said another prayer, this time asking for my own change—that I could have more faith.  Wham!  I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders.  By putting my faith in my Father in Heaven, I was able to relax, and even feel the joyful optimism of a secure future.

We are living in ultra-ridiculous times. Satan is having a heyday, turning the world upside down, and gathering victims at record speed. But do we not realize that God is aware of this?  He is mindful of every child, and is doing exactly what is needed—and when—to help them return.

We often think mortality is the be-all and end-all, when it’s really just a blink. Some of our loved ones will die before they fully return. But then, guess what? We have a new chapter, a gigantic expanse of eternity, and if it takes a thousand years, so be it, but they will come back. I know this.  And when I stop and realize that this is literally God’s promise, then I feel peace. I am confident. I am faith full.

So, what can we do? We can simply love our children. We can resist nagging. We can welcome them home and set a good example. We can secure the blessings we want by faithful temple attendance and Family History work. We can keep our covenants. And we can remember reassuring quotes such as these:

From Elder Henry B. Eyring in April 2019 General Conference: “Some have tried with full heart for that blessing, yet it has not been granted. My promise to you is one that a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles once made to me. I had said to him that, because of choices some in our extended family had made, I doubted that we could be together in the world to come. He said, as well as I can remember, “You are worrying about the wrong problem. You just live worthy of the celestial kingdom, and the family arrangements will be more wonderful than you can imagine.”

From President Gordon B. Hinckley, confirming the apostolic promise made by Elder Orson F. Whitney: “The Prophet Joseph Smith declared — and he never taught more comforting doctrine — that the eternal sealings of faithful parents and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the Cause of Truth, would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity. Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life or the life to come, they will return.”

From President Lorenzo Snow: “When the Gospel is preached to the spirits in prison, the success attending that preaching will be far greater than that attending the preaching of our Elders in this life. I believe there will be very few indeed of those spirits who will not gladly receive the Gospel when it is carried to them. The circumstances there will be a thousand times more favorable.” And “…You that are mourning about your children straying away will have your sons and your daughters.”

From Elder Boyd K. Packer: “We cannot overemphasize the value of temple marriage, the binding ties of the sealing ordinance, and the standards of worthiness required of them. When parents keep the covenants they have made at the altar of the temple, their children will be forever bound to them.”

Thus, let us take heart and accept the joy of God’s Plan of Salvation. By wringing our hands and worrying we demonstrate a lack of faith. We also please Satan, who would have us be miserable. Let us look at the big picture, and remember that God is over all and will gather in his children. Let us look forward to that day with gratitude, peace, and faith.

Joni Hilton is a Latter-day Saint author, Seminary teacher, and shares YouTube Mom life hacks at .