I smiled at your description of marriage feeling like an extended play date. What an excellent description that is. After 29 years of marriage I can't believe how lucky I am to still be on that "play date". Some may call you naive, but In my experience that is what marriage truly can be.
I'm so happy for you! I don't know why some people have experiences like yours and others don't. There is some truth to the "warnings" you were given by others. I have heard it SO many times, and experienced it to a certain extent myself. I don't know if the expectations are too big, or the stresses of real life get to be too much, or a variety of other reasons. I know I was validated when I heard other people share how much things changed after they were married. It helped give me strength to know I hadn't made a horrible decision because things had been difficult for us early on. You write beautifully and have great insights though. Enjoy!
You are very wise. Wise in your counsel and wise in your ability to communicate what most of us learn along the way but don't vocalize. Your love and your marriage are forever and that is evident in the way you look at each other and treat one another. We love you... and love to keep hearing your insights and lessons learned along the way. Keep sharing!
keep going for it...I'm with Abe Lincoln: 'People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." - after 67 years, that is about as true as it gets. Same goes for marriage-- 'Marriage is about as hard as people want to make it to be' OR 'Marriage is about as easy/happy as people make up their minds for it to be' -- I did thousands of divorces as a divorce attorney -- so, take this as an 'expert opinion' --
Mariah, you are wise beyond your years!
People have told me our whole married life that if we didn't fight, then we were not communicating, did not have a good relationship, etc. We have been married now for 35 years. We will sometimes, though rarely, have a discussion. We never speak in anger to each other. We never purposely hurt each other. Our love and devotion to each other has grown every year, sometimes in leaps and bounds. We are still each others best friends. Our first year was smooth and wonderful. And though we have had trials, we try to tackle them together instead of putting them between us.
I have been married three times. One of them was very difficult, and ended by abandonment and divorce. The second was interrupted by death. However, after all that, I married a third time and have now enjoyed 22 years of unbridled joy. My point is that all three marriages were happy and fulfilling, despite the problems with the first one. If i could rerun my life, I would gladly do it all the same way. Marriage is a great gift of Heavenly Father, and the pluses overwhelm the few problems that come and go. Expect your life to be full and happy because you dove into a committed marriage. Congratulations!
My husband and I met 18 years ago online. It was second marriage for each of us, and we had both had long and painful first marriages. So lots of people were anxious about us, especially since, due to his divorce not yet being final, we could not meet or date in person. We communicated every possible way for eight months, as we waited for the time when meeting would be legitimate. We had lots of people, who truly loved us, express serious concerns about our choices.
But we both knew that Heavenly Father had a hand in this connection and that it was the right thing for us. Those 8 months of nothing BUT communication helped us prepare for a lifetime together that has been pure joy, despite weathering some horrendous difficulties. We have not had one fight in those 18 years. We have had differences, disagreements and even had period of being less than happy with each other about something for awhile. But because we both learned how precious a solid relationship is, we always were able to say with complete conviction, "None of this stuff is important enough to fight about, and nothing except living the Gospel is more important to me than you are.""
Truthfully, most things aren't worth fighting about, in the eternal scheme of things. It helps that we each committed to living the Gospel in its fullest, and that if a prophet said it, we would do it. It helped that my sweet husband has never been the controlling, demanding type, but is very sweet and humble and patient. But we each knew that our relationship was wonderful and precious and we will not do anything to jeopardize it. We never DEMAND anything of each other, only ask kindly. Usually love is enough to make us want to make the other one happy. And if the thing desired is just too much, or too hard, well then, love is also the reason to be patient, understanding, and forgiving when we cannot have the thing or action we desire.
But I do think that eight months of ONLY intense and searching communication was a wonderful starting benefit to our relationship. I wish you all the best in yours.
Bravo! A "must read" for couples new and old.
This sounds so familiar. When was a junior in high school (back in 1990), I met a girl online. She lived almost 800 miles away, but we started emailing back and forth (there was no texting back then; the web didn’t even exist yet!) and within 24 hours were totally committed to each other. On the seventh anniversary of that meeting, we were married in the Washington, DC, Temple.
Everyone talked about how hard married life would be, what a change it would be from being single. We never saw it. The only things that changed were that we no longer returned to our separate homes at night, and we were able to share each other as completely as we shared our new apartment. It would be seven years before we had any a significant argument, and even that blew over by the end of the day.
Of course, things did get more difficult once we had kids, but it’s now been almost ten years since our oldest was born, and my wife and I are still very much in love and very much committed to returning home to our Heavenly Parents together.
Enjoy your marriage, Mariah. I’m sure you will have difficult times eventually, but as long as you don’t allow those difficulties to define your marriage, I’m sure you and your husband are in for a long and wonderful ride.
Dear Mariah: Following a message from your Dad, we almost met in Paris, and you were almost going to stay in my home for a few days, but fate decided otherwise. I missed not running into the daughter of my good friends Scot and Maurine, but I was delighted to learn about your nice wedding. My advice to you is inspired from a book I red from Scott Peck, Author of the 80's Best-Seller "The Road Less Traveled." Peck says that when he became a Resident in psychiatry, he found that he could get more improvement from his patients than Doctors who had been there for years. The difference? He was full of hope that he could help people to get better and this attitude carried over to the patients, while his seasoned colleagues had gotten cynical over the years about how challenging it was to get severely mentally ill people to recover. So, regardless of what other people experience in their marriages, and as valid as their advice may be, a fresh look at your chances to succeed in your own marriage will give you better chances to do well. Just keep being happy, positive and hopeful about the future!
Happy Marriage! It sounds like you have a great relationship with your new husband, and that should make for a lifetime of love.
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