Unfortunately, "being in the world, but not of the world" usually means that LDS generally only socialize with other LDS. Holding membership or leadership position in a civic organization that would take away from your church calling is usually discouraged. Youth sports/activities that conflict with church youth activities are frowned upon. Real missionary work happens when true examples of Christ-like behavior are contrasted against lost hope, despair, and results of sin. Not at the Rameumptom on the first Sunday of the month...
Withheld once again..January 16, 2024
I do not expect it to happen, but wouldn't it be wonderful if it did! We must each do our part to include everyone. We must teach our children the importance of doing this, and they must see us living our lives that way. I have never expected to have special treatment, but I have expected Christ like behavior from my fellow ward members. Oh how I feel the sister's pain and frustration that her husband has been a project. It is hard for active members to understand that not everyone feels dissatisfied with their lives in the matter of religion. Unlike so many who sincerely testify that "something was missing" before they found the Gospel, many, my husband included, do not feel that way. He is an excellent husband and father who is very supportive of callings that have taken much time away from my being home, as Primary President, serving in YW & Relief Society Presidencies, temple attendance. The best "ministering brothers" have been the "ministering friends."
Dee MillarJanuary 13, 2024
I have been married twice and widowed twice both to nonmembers. . Active LDS all my life Grew up in a small town. Only member here in this small town for over 30 years until recently. Drive an hour to church.in bigger town .invite nonmembers friends to church Active in community. Organizations Lots of friends
Tamra DodgeJanuary 13, 2024
Been there. I was married to a non-member for 14 years. He was a good man, with a gentle spirit. We had two sons together. He would attend church with us on occasion, but finely opted to attend his childhood church with his parents. The boys would alternate between churches, which had to be confusing for them.
What I took from my experience, was the absolute ‘project’ making of my husband, and it appeared there was a competition as to whom would be the one to get him ‘dunked.’
He had the missionaries. Was invited to golf. Went with the Scouts on outings. Helped families move with the Elders Quorum. There was lots of fellowshipping, but with an underlying intention. For every step we would make forward, we would take two steps back because of something said or done.
My husband was the focus of ‘recruitment’ in his own words.
The marriage had taken a toll, and ended after a two and a half year court battle.
My sons finely received permission to be baptized, through a series of unexpected events, and years of waiting. Their father and his family were not pleased with the event, as miraculous as it was.
I had fully believed this man would accept the gospel, and integrate into my world with ease. His families traditions were very strong, and didn’t include the open mind or heart, that truth was out there.
I appreciate this Sisters experience. She is an island. Fits into both worlds, but not at home in either.
It wasn’t until I remarried, that I was invited to do couple things with fellow members. It’s hard. Uncomfortable for them, hard for me. I felt very much alone amidst my brothers and sisters.
WithheldJanuary 12, 2024
Your advice is sound, but in my experience of the last 50 years in a similar situation in my marriage, not realistic. I have found that active church members are so judgemental and have no or very little desire to develop friendships who do not meet "their standard " They make it hard for our children, making them. accountable for their parent's actions...."Where is your father?" Why doesn't he come to church?" Why didn't he baptize you?" " I hope our lesson on Temple Marriage didn't make you feel uncomfortable today."
Please, can't we accept everyone for the place they are currently in? Heavenly Father loves all of his children. He wants us all to come home to him...everyone will in his or her own time....eternal progression! Please ward leadership, have patience and empathy for those in your stewardship...we need your support and help to feel part of the ward family, especially our young children and teenagers. If you don't, " the world" will. I have lost children because of their experiences in church.
O SmithJanuary 12, 2024
The Latter-day Saint woman's comments are spot on! As a woman who has been a part-member family for 40 years, I have experenced every part of what she said. But your magazine story headline isn't really the right question. She wasn't asking how does she make friends -- she's made the effort to make friends. The real question is why church members don't respond in kind? I've done everytlhing you've suggested and yet, unless I initiate contact nothing much happens. There's an exception here or there, but in general members are cordial but they don't really include us in their lives. And yes, my husband has had some pretty rude baptism-ready type questions thrown at him just like your reader.
As a church we just don't know how to deal with non-member families. We don't expect non-members to come into our building or activites. I've had my husband at empty nester activities and members who don't know us just assume he's a member and have made comments about non-members as a whole in front of him -- and then die with embarassment when they find out he's also not a member. And then they avoid us.
I don't see a solution. And after 40 years it's exhausting to keep trying. Instead of counseling her about what she should do, there should have been more discussion about what the OTHERS should do when confronted with part member families in their wards. How do they become more inclusive? That's the issue we have to address.
Harvey HiggsJanuary 12, 2024
The Sister wishing members would be more sociable outside of church activities should be aware she is not receiving special treatment being excluded any more than active members. Most ward members I know don't socialize outside of church activities. Outside of church and family activities socializing doesn't happen.It seldom happen and I do not expect it to happen.
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MTJanuary 19, 2024
Unfortunately, "being in the world, but not of the world" usually means that LDS generally only socialize with other LDS. Holding membership or leadership position in a civic organization that would take away from your church calling is usually discouraged. Youth sports/activities that conflict with church youth activities are frowned upon. Real missionary work happens when true examples of Christ-like behavior are contrasted against lost hope, despair, and results of sin. Not at the Rameumptom on the first Sunday of the month...
Withheld once again..January 16, 2024
I do not expect it to happen, but wouldn't it be wonderful if it did! We must each do our part to include everyone. We must teach our children the importance of doing this, and they must see us living our lives that way. I have never expected to have special treatment, but I have expected Christ like behavior from my fellow ward members. Oh how I feel the sister's pain and frustration that her husband has been a project. It is hard for active members to understand that not everyone feels dissatisfied with their lives in the matter of religion. Unlike so many who sincerely testify that "something was missing" before they found the Gospel, many, my husband included, do not feel that way. He is an excellent husband and father who is very supportive of callings that have taken much time away from my being home, as Primary President, serving in YW & Relief Society Presidencies, temple attendance. The best "ministering brothers" have been the "ministering friends."
Dee MillarJanuary 13, 2024
I have been married twice and widowed twice both to nonmembers. . Active LDS all my life Grew up in a small town. Only member here in this small town for over 30 years until recently. Drive an hour to church.in bigger town .invite nonmembers friends to church Active in community. Organizations Lots of friends
Tamra DodgeJanuary 13, 2024
Been there. I was married to a non-member for 14 years. He was a good man, with a gentle spirit. We had two sons together. He would attend church with us on occasion, but finely opted to attend his childhood church with his parents. The boys would alternate between churches, which had to be confusing for them. What I took from my experience, was the absolute ‘project’ making of my husband, and it appeared there was a competition as to whom would be the one to get him ‘dunked.’ He had the missionaries. Was invited to golf. Went with the Scouts on outings. Helped families move with the Elders Quorum. There was lots of fellowshipping, but with an underlying intention. For every step we would make forward, we would take two steps back because of something said or done. My husband was the focus of ‘recruitment’ in his own words. The marriage had taken a toll, and ended after a two and a half year court battle. My sons finely received permission to be baptized, through a series of unexpected events, and years of waiting. Their father and his family were not pleased with the event, as miraculous as it was. I had fully believed this man would accept the gospel, and integrate into my world with ease. His families traditions were very strong, and didn’t include the open mind or heart, that truth was out there. I appreciate this Sisters experience. She is an island. Fits into both worlds, but not at home in either. It wasn’t until I remarried, that I was invited to do couple things with fellow members. It’s hard. Uncomfortable for them, hard for me. I felt very much alone amidst my brothers and sisters.
WithheldJanuary 12, 2024
Your advice is sound, but in my experience of the last 50 years in a similar situation in my marriage, not realistic. I have found that active church members are so judgemental and have no or very little desire to develop friendships who do not meet "their standard " They make it hard for our children, making them. accountable for their parent's actions...."Where is your father?" Why doesn't he come to church?" Why didn't he baptize you?" " I hope our lesson on Temple Marriage didn't make you feel uncomfortable today." Please, can't we accept everyone for the place they are currently in? Heavenly Father loves all of his children. He wants us all to come home to him...everyone will in his or her own time....eternal progression! Please ward leadership, have patience and empathy for those in your stewardship...we need your support and help to feel part of the ward family, especially our young children and teenagers. If you don't, " the world" will. I have lost children because of their experiences in church.
O SmithJanuary 12, 2024
The Latter-day Saint woman's comments are spot on! As a woman who has been a part-member family for 40 years, I have experenced every part of what she said. But your magazine story headline isn't really the right question. She wasn't asking how does she make friends -- she's made the effort to make friends. The real question is why church members don't respond in kind? I've done everytlhing you've suggested and yet, unless I initiate contact nothing much happens. There's an exception here or there, but in general members are cordial but they don't really include us in their lives. And yes, my husband has had some pretty rude baptism-ready type questions thrown at him just like your reader. As a church we just don't know how to deal with non-member families. We don't expect non-members to come into our building or activites. I've had my husband at empty nester activities and members who don't know us just assume he's a member and have made comments about non-members as a whole in front of him -- and then die with embarassment when they find out he's also not a member. And then they avoid us. I don't see a solution. And after 40 years it's exhausting to keep trying. Instead of counseling her about what she should do, there should have been more discussion about what the OTHERS should do when confronted with part member families in their wards. How do they become more inclusive? That's the issue we have to address.
Harvey HiggsJanuary 12, 2024
The Sister wishing members would be more sociable outside of church activities should be aware she is not receiving special treatment being excluded any more than active members. Most ward members I know don't socialize outside of church activities. Outside of church and family activities socializing doesn't happen.It seldom happen and I do not expect it to happen.
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