interesting comments - I have noticed a certain attitude from some givers that people are in need when they're not. I know of one person who forces her way into people's lives and relationships just to point out "opportunities for service or counsel" - just so she has something to bring into their lives. I've seen couples who are quite content have their lives turned upside down just so this person can say "look at how unhappy you are, but it's OK because I'm now her to help". That person is an extreme, but I do see a lot of "well meaning" people who do not respect the rights or autonomy of the receiver at all - and when they "give", it's too easy for the receiver to lose control over what happens - and that can more insulting or damaging than any ill fitting sweater.
Pam but please use annomous for this commentAugust 26, 2014
I used to spend hours making homemade Christmas gifts for my husband's parents, siblings and nieces and nephews. I had made a beautiful dress for my mother-in-law in the size she had told me she wore, the dress was too small (because she had told me a smaller size). She threw the dress to my sisters-in-law to try on, it didn't fit them so they threw it back at me. The outfits I made for my nieces were given back to me in a bag of hand me down clothes the very next month. I stopped wasting my time and money.
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desAugust 26, 2014
interesting comments - I have noticed a certain attitude from some givers that people are in need when they're not. I know of one person who forces her way into people's lives and relationships just to point out "opportunities for service or counsel" - just so she has something to bring into their lives. I've seen couples who are quite content have their lives turned upside down just so this person can say "look at how unhappy you are, but it's OK because I'm now her to help". That person is an extreme, but I do see a lot of "well meaning" people who do not respect the rights or autonomy of the receiver at all - and when they "give", it's too easy for the receiver to lose control over what happens - and that can more insulting or damaging than any ill fitting sweater.
Pam but please use annomous for this commentAugust 26, 2014
I used to spend hours making homemade Christmas gifts for my husband's parents, siblings and nieces and nephews. I had made a beautiful dress for my mother-in-law in the size she had told me she wore, the dress was too small (because she had told me a smaller size). She threw the dress to my sisters-in-law to try on, it didn't fit them so they threw it back at me. The outfits I made for my nieces were given back to me in a bag of hand me down clothes the very next month. I stopped wasting my time and money.
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