There the elderly lady sat on the sidewalk outside a store in such a way that passersby could tell she had been there awhile and assume she was begging for money. Approaching the store, I noticed a man talking to her and as I came closer heard her explain that her ride (apparently a relative of some sort) had not come to pick her up. In fact, the situation was opposite what passersby surmised – she offered to pay him to give her a ride home. The man agreed (but turned down the money) and two or three of us helped her get into his car. After the door closed, one of the helpers said, “I hope she doesn’t shoot you” to which the voluntary chauffeur replied, “She doesn’t look like someone who’s packing heat.” I didn’t read anything the next day about a shooting in the neighborhood, so I assumed she got home okay.
The point is this. The generous person would have given, or at least offered, money and moved on. The kind person, on the other hand, offered something more important – time, effort and understanding. Even at possible risk.
Time, Kindness, Essence
Kindness is the essence of exaltation and time is the essence of kindness.
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin put it this way:
“Kindness is the essence of a celestial life. Kindness is how a Christ-like person treats others. Kindness should permeate all of our words and actions …. Jesus, our Savior, was the epitome of kindness and compassion. He healed the sick. He spent much of His time ministering to the one or many. He spoke compassionately to the Samaritan woman who was looked down upon by many. He instructed His disciples to allow the little children to come unto Him. He was kind to all who had sinned, condemning only the sin, not the sinner. He kindly allowed thousands of Nephites to come forward and feel the nail prints in His hands and feet.” (Emphasis added)
Note the time-rich verbs: heal, minister, speak with compassion, instruct, allow – especially kindly allow.
You remember the great event:
“Arise and come forth unto me, that ye may thrust your hands into my side, and also that ye may feel the prints of the nails in my hands and in my feet, that ye may know that I am the God of Israel, and the God of the whole earth, and have been slain for the sins of the world.
“And it came to pass that the multitude went forth, … one by one until they had all gone forth, and did see with their eyes and did feel with the hands, and … did bear record, that it was he, of whom it was written by the prophets, that should come.” (Emphasis added. 3 Nephi 11:14-15)
Think how long it took, how patient the Savior was, to allow thousands of Nephites to feel the nail prints in His hands and feet.
We’re told in 3 Nephi 17:25 the multitude at His first appearance numbered 2500. If each person there took only 10 seconds with the Savior, it would have amounted to almost seven hours. Even at five or six seconds a glance, He spent the better part of two General Conference sessions back to back standing before them. Although people must have been stunned, I can’t believe there weren’t any conversations. And that had to have taken even more time.
What patience. What kindness.
While generosity says to give the beggar a few bucks or quickly drop off a bag of food on someone’s porch (although this is a useful option if the giver wants to remain anonymous), ministering – true kindness – takes time.
As an example, bishops take time to understand the deeper layers of what’s going on in a person’s life before, say, writing a food order. Or, understanding the why, give counsel leading to self-sustainability. Governments, on the other hand, merely have a person fill out a form and if all the right boxes are checked, they “generously” (with other people’s money) provide assistance.
Again, true ministering – true one-to-one kindness – takes time.
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Gary Lawrence is the author of “The Magnificent Gift of Agency” available at Deseret Book, and the developer of the no-pressure comparison website whereagree.com to help the curious learn more about us. Free pass-along cards available by emailing him at [email protected].
