A man once asked Jesus, “Which is the great commandment in the law?” Jesus replied: “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” (Matthew 22:36–39).
Interestingly, research has shown that developing and maintaining healthy relationships with others lowers stress and anxiety, helps improve depression, helps overcome addictions, adds to our happiness, and increases our lifespan.
Throughout the booklet Adjusting to Missionary Life, there are multiple suggestions and tools to help us to know, to love, and to serve.
In Preach My Gospel, we are taught that Charity is “the pure love of Christ” (Moroni 7:47). The prophet Mormon said that we should “pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that [we] may be filled with this love” (Moroni 7:48).
As we make the effort to know other people and to serve them, we learn to love them even as the Lord loves them. One simple formula to know and to love others is UAAA. [adapted from teachings by A. Lynn Scoresby, BYU professor emeritus of family sciences.]
U: We take the time to Understand them. We listen to their thoughts and feelings; we learn of their hopes and fears and dreams and goals without being critical or judgmental. They feel heard, understood, and validated.
A: We Accept them for who they are including their strengths and abilities as well as their imperfections. They might be from another country or a different culture or have different traditions, but we can accept them and love them as children of our Heavenly Father.
A: We Appreciate them as brothers and sisters. We even appreciate their imperfections as we hope they appreciate and accept us with our own imperfections because none of us is perfect.
A: We perform Acts of kindness and give service without any expectation of recognition or reward or compensation. We do the right thing just because it is the right thing to do.
One key to understanding is recognizing different personality types. There have been many books written, classes taught, and tests developed to analyze personalities. Some basic personality styles include extroverts and introverts.
Extroverts are naturally outgoing and are very comfortable talking to people. Extroverts gain more energy by talking to people. Introverts are comfortable observing people and situations. They, too, can be very comfortable and effective talking to people, but introverts gain more energy by having some alone time. Missionaries need to be with their companions 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Even life at home can require some alone time. Adjusting to Missionary Life provides suggestions that especially work for introverts to create alone time when writing, praying, reading, or planning. Ask your spouse, your family, or your companion for some quiet time, but make sure they understand you are not upset with them. And make sure to provide them time to recharge, too.
Other personality styles include different gifts, talents, skills, and experiences. People come from different countries, cultures, tribes, and families with different customs and traditions. Some individuals are detail-oriented, some are more social, some are organizers, some are creative, some are natural leaders, some become leaders. And the scriptures teach that we can pray for gifts and develop talents. How much do we see that and appreciate that in our spouse, companion, family? The key to understanding each other is to understand like the Savior does. Then, if different personalities appear to clash, we can turn that around by learning from each other and drawing closer to each other with patience and love. Then we can combine our gifts, skills, and talents to serve together and bless the lives of those around us.
As we practice UAAA, we can really get to know and love others. This includes our spouse, our children, our families, co-workers, church members and those we contact in our daily activities. As we open our hearts to others, we will feel more strongly the love Jesus has for all of us.
John 13:34 says: “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.”
May the Lord bless us to feel His love, to share His love, and to love as He does in all that we do!
[Please note: The ideas contained in these articles are tools and suggestions for self-care, but they are not intended as a substitute for consultation with a qualified mental health professional. In addition, if you are experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please seek medical or mental health assistance immediately. In the U.S., call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Or use the Lifeline Chat at 988lifeline.org/chat/. Services are free and confidential.]
