A young missionary recently arrived at the Ghana MTC admitted it was harder than he had expected. He is feeling homesick, he’s feeling the stress of so many classes, is adapting to the climate, and it’s just a little more difficult than he had anticipated.

When I hear that missionaries are homesick, I tell them I think that’s a good thing. It means they love their family. It means they are not an emotionless robot or an unfeeling sociopath. Adjusting to Missionary Life acknowledges that homesickness is common, especially if you haven’t been away from home much. So go ahead and let yourself feel sad for a few minutes and then get up and get busy and find ways to serve others.

Many times when our expectations are not met, we can become depressed, discouraged, and frustrated, and our energy level may drop and our commitment may wane. Often mental health counselors try to help people completely overcome those bad feelings. In a recent book by psychiatrist Dr. David Burns called “Feeling Great,” he teaches that instead of focusing so much energy to completely overcome all of our negative feelings, we should adjust our goal to feel a little bit depressed, a little bit discouraged, a little frustrated. Then we don’t wear ourselves out by trying to completely feel 100% better, but we will feel much better. And that feeling outweighs all of the negative feelings.

A few years ago, our grandchildren helped us paint the trunk of our citrus trees to help reflect the overbearing heat of the Arizona sun. As we were painting, some paint dripped on the ground and onto our pants. One grandson became distraught about the spillage. I reminded him that the spillage might be inconvenient, but it was not terrible. We could modify our expectations.

Of course, some people struggle with mental health issues that require the assistance of medication. It is not a sign of weakness to take medication. People take medication for diabetes, for asthma, for epilepsy, for many other conditions. We do not think any of them are weak, do we? We wouldn’t ask them to simply pray harder, memorize more scriptures, go to the temple more often. Medication allows us to do all of those wonderful things.

Adjusting to Missionary Life offers these suggestions:

  • Examine your expectations. Don’t expect everything to turn out the way you hoped. You will not do everything perfectly. Not every missionary will be totally obedient and kind. Your investigators may receive anti-Mormon misinformation. You may never speak the language like a native. Remember the Lord’s counsel to Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail: “All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. … Therefore, hold on” (D&C 122:7, 9).
  • Don’t try to control things you cannot. “Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed” (D&C 123:17).
  • Be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself with the same kind, comforting words you would use with someone else. Everyone gets frustrated or makes mistakes sometimes. Know that the Lord understands. Imagine Him sitting close to you, listening and offering support. Remember, thoughts of helplessness, hopelessness, or harsh condemnation are not from the Lord.
  • Refocus on gratitude. Notice what is around you. Focus for a few minutes on what is right, good, and positive about yourself and the world. Offer a prayer of gratitude for at least five specific things.

May the Lord bless us to remember that we are spiritual beings having this mortal experience to learn, to grow, and to progress with His divine help even when our expectations may need to be modified, abandoned, or completely changed to be His disciples.