This Easter season, Cathy played the violin and I sang in the choir for The Lamb of God, a sacred oratorio by Rob Gardner depicting the final week of the Savior’s life through the eyes of the flawed mortal beings who knew Him best. It explores His miracles, suffering, death, and glorious resurrection.
Early on in rehearsals, I had my first opportunity to hear Angie Dugdale perform “Here is Hope,” where Jesus’ mother Mary is portrayed singing a bold testimony at the cross where her son had just been put to death. Although I had never met Angie, after the rehearsal, I felt impressed to tell her how her performance had moved me.
As we talked, she asked a piercing question: “Can you imagine watching your own son’s execution?” I told her I could imagine that more than she might think, because I had lost my sweet 24-year-old son in a tragic rock-climbing accident three years ago. That moment of raw vulnerability led to a conversation about grief and loss. Angie shared with me how much “The Lamb of God” had meant to her in bringing hope and healing over many seasons and performances. She also described being surrounded by this beautiful music as being “bathed in the atonement.” Every time I sang in rehearsal or performances after that, I thought about Angie’s metaphor. As I was surrounded by sacred music, it felt like being immersed in the Holy Spirit, washed clean, and healed by the presence of divine love.
A great many of our middle-aged singles have experienced great pain, betrayal, abandonment, and disappointment in marriage. Many find themselves in dire financial circumstances and worry about how to take care of themselves and their children. Many are emotionally and physically exhausted after years of dealing with a spouse with addictions or severe mental health issues. Grief over a lost relationship includes sadness about the death of a dream of the life they hoped for. I have heard many lament that the loss of a marriage inflicted a “pain that will never go away” (though it will). Cathy remembers thinking, “I don’t know how someone can feel this much pain and not die.”
While I was going through my divorce, I woke up every day feeling like I had been kicked in the stomach. It was a relentless and intense physical ache. I woke up to it every morning, carried it all day long, and took it to bed every night—and it lasted for 5 years.
If you are in pain because you are lonely, empty, afraid, or mourning a tragic loss, I see you. More important, Jesus Christ sees you. Isaiah described him as “despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3). Like many of us, Jesus was betrayed by someone he loved. He knows the immense pain of grief, rejection, sorrow, and loss you have experienced. As the prophet Isaiah wrote, “Surely he hath borne our griefs, carried our sorrows” (Isaiah 53:4). Jesus Christ knew how my heart broke when I received the news of my son’s death, and the grief I felt as I came to accept that my first marriage was not going to last.
Suffering and pain are part of the mortal experience and, when consecrated to Christ, they are sanctifying. Jesus suffered to understand and feel empathy for our suffering. When we suffer, we better understand others who suffer. We learn to see people more as Jesus Christ sees them, love them as He loves them, and thereby become a little bit more like Him.
As Paul wrote, “The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together” (Romans 8:16-17). Suffering with Christ means drinking the bitter cup of mortality, learning empathy for others who suffer, and trusting our Savior to not only deliver us but to raise us to glory with Him. Being an heir of God doesn’t just include receiving His glory, but also His power to provide peace and healing to others. My favorite verse of the beloved hymn, How Firm a Foundation contains this comforting promise:
“When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o’erflow,
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.”
Sometimes we are bathed in deep waters that threaten our peace. And yet our Heavenly Father’s promise to be with us and sanctify our suffering is unbroken. As I look back on my life thus far, the moments of “deepest distress” are the times when I have seen miracles and come to know of God’s love for me. There are things we can learn about love through loss that we cannot truly discover in any other way. But we do not have to discover them alone if we understand that He is with us.
My favorite moment in The Lamb of God is when Mary (portrayed by my friend, Angie) stands in the shadow of the cross and boldly sings her testimony that, “Hope did not die here, but here was given.” In this phrase, “here” is literally in the shadow of the cross, where Jesus had just been put to death–the very place those who were shouting “crucify him” (Luke 23:21) would have expected hope to die. Instead, “here” is the place Jesus worked out His infinite atonement bringing the hope of redemption to all humanity.
Similarly, in our own lives, the moments that hurt the most, and the losses that break our hearts are the very things that give rise to hope and healing. Why? Because those traumas are all part of the pain Jesus took upon Himself so He could understand and deliver us from them.
In the crucible of divorce, two things helped me more than anything else: my faith and my friends. My hope was literally the two great commandments in reverse (see Matthew 22:36-40). I relied on the love of God and the love of good friends—which is another way of being bathed in the atonement. Sometimes I would close the door to my study, play hymns on my computer, and sing along. For a moment, the pain of my circumstances would melt away, and I would be enveloped by the Spirit. Other times, when I was lonely and needed to tell my story and share my pain, several wise and loyal friends were there to assure me that life would get better, that they loved me, and that I was not alone.
Jesus promised that “whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst” (John 4:14). As disciples of Jesus Christ, we can give this water to others, as my friends gave it to me during my moment of overwhelming sorrow. Jesus said, “He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water” (John 7:38). I have been blessed with an abundance of living water and bathed in the atonement by the love of wise friends who have been put in my path by the Lord during the most desperate crises of my life.
Our Heavenly Father gave the hopeful promise: “I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten” (Joel 2:25). When my first marriage ended, I felt like I would never be truly happy again and believed the married years of my life had been wasted. But God keeps His promises. He healed my broken heart and more than made up the time I thought I had missed. I ultimately found a love beyond expectation with Cathy, and two more sons that I love as my own. He brought me from financial ruin to abundance. I have a life I could not have dreamed of ten years ago. I can testify that truly, “the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before” (Job 42:10). I have seen the fulfillment of these words of Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin in the final message of his apostleship:
“The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.”
I know this is true. In my moments of utmost adversity, the answer was always to be bathed in Jesus Christ’s atonement–to intentionally feel His divine love all around me and allow that love to transform and empower me. If we can be bathed in the atonement or “encircled about eternally in the arms of his love” (2 Nephi 1:15), divine love will provide us with the strength to become the kings and queens we were born to be. As Paul wrote, “the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared to the glory which shall be revealed in us” (Romans 8:18).
Watch The Lamb of God Dress Rehearsal
Resource:
Intentional Courtship can help in this journey.
About the Author
Jeff Teichert, and his wife Cathy Butler Teichert, are the founders of “Love in Later Years,” which ministers to Latter-day Saint single adults seeking peace, healing, and more joyful relationships. They are co-authors of the Amazon bestseller Intentional Courtship: A Mid-Singles Guide to Peace, Progress and Pairing Up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Jeff and Cathy each spent nearly a decade in the mid-singles community and they use that experience to provide counsel and hope to mid-singles and later married couples through written articles, podcasts, and videos. Jeff and Cathy are both Advanced Certified Life Coaches and have university degrees in Family & Human Development. They are the parents of a blended family that includes four handsome sons, one lovely daughter-in-law, and two sweet little granddaughters.
Purchase Jeff & Cathy’s book Intentional Courtship:
https://amzn.to/3GXW5h1
Connect with Jeff & Cathy:
Website: http://www.loveinlateryears.com/
Podcast: https://anchor.fm/loveinlateryears
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/loveinlateryears
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/LoveInLaterYears
Instagram: http://instagram.com/loveinlateryears/
Email: [email protected]
