I have not always been the best person, when it comes to treating my eternal companion, and most importantly, the love of my life, and how great I felt when we had two sons, that she was more than willing to bear the pains, fears, sorrows, and recriminations that she felt, when the third pregnancy ended in a spontaneous death of an unborn child, before third month of her pregnancy.
Since then, I have had way too many years of my own pains and sorrows, and have taken all of the blame that she took upon herself, as my own fault, for not taking as good care of her, as I should have, especially as a Priesthood holder, who knows very well that we share the Priesthood together. That neither one of us knows all that we need to know, and especially me, and that she is forever doing whatever the spirit inspires her to do, the gospel, the Book of Mormon, and all of the other books in our religiously blessed lives, and the Prophets, the Apostles, the General Authorities.
I have never witnessed a day or a night that she has not said her prayers, that she has not written something in her journal, that she has not thought of her Visiting Families, or others that she has just met for the first time, as they come from wherever they used to live, to become members of our Ward. I have also witnessed her reaching out to total strangers in the Ward, newer converts, or people just looking for a place to learn something new, and for a place to feel welcome.
She has a special spirit, that seems to sense when people are in need of a friend, a comforter who is willing to listen, instead of making suggestions before they even get their questions or their fears out of their mouths.
I was so fortunate to have had the opportunity to meet her at a Church Adult Conference, and we got married in about 6 months, and have spent the last 28 years, married in the temple, and had our only 2 boys born under the covenant. Without her, I would be nothing. It has been her personal mission, desire, and inspirations that have brought us closer together, when all else made everything else appear to be driving us apart.
I was 39, my 1st wife joined the Army before our first year of marriage was over, my 2nd wife was considered a homicide by the State Police, and it was a pedestrian event, and I was home at the time it happened more than 20 miles away.
I can only say that it was totally by inspiration that we both ended up in the Same Adult Singles Conference, prepared to get married in the Temple, and have shared both some of the best days of our lives together, raised our sons together, she taught them better about the gospel and doctrine, because I only be came a convert in 1978, and she became a convert when she was about 12 yrs old,
For the last 2 years, I have done my most important work in my lifetime, by assuring her that she has been right more times than I have, by encouraging, and praising her talent, skills, and abilities, as well as doing my best (although still failing) to listen to her thoughts and ideas on things in the gospel and doctrine of the Church, the conferences, and choosing to watch only uplifting, and approved movies on TV on Sundays, and telling her to make the choices, instead of me.
I know that I do not know as much as her about the gospel, but I also know that she will never lead me astray, never will leave me, and never will stop making my life better than my severely abusive childhood was, (by my own mother), my terrible nightmares of the year I spent in Vietnam, and the homicide of my 2nd wife; as if it was her responsibility to make everything better, and to love me unconditionally, even when I most likely did not deserve such love and devotion, and she certainly did, and I failed her along the way.
But, as I prayed, I prayed for years, only to have the blessing of her answer on Judgment Day would be to God, that she wanted to be with me for the eternities, and that I would be worthy of that blessing.
The answer I got, after several years from God, was, "I'm sorry. Only you can do that".
It was then that I realized that I HAD to make the changes in my life, that would bring my prayers into being a reality. I HAD to start treating her with respect, with honor, with gentleness, with kindness, and especially with thanks and love, and to begin utilizing her knowledge of the gospel, and her suggestions, and her examples, IF I ever expected that we would have a chance at spending eternity together.
That, and understanding that Jesus Christ's sacrifice, could really mean my sins too, and each Sunday Sacrament Meeting would be a repetition of the blessings of forgiveness, and that sacrifice, and that I would finally feel that we could actually spend eternity together.
I have always tried to tell her that she is very intelligent, always does what the gospel and Prophets tell us to do, and does everything in her power to do God's will, but she is much too modest to even believe that, but I will not stop telling her, because I believe that we cannot get to the eternities, without someone dragging us there, if need be, with patience, unconditional love, teaching by example, and never holding a grudge, and unless, and until both parties are working at that equally as hard, equally responsible, equally imparted by God with the authority, power, and glory reserved for the both of us, then neither one will have their chosen companion with them at the end.
I have a lot of trouble with men, especially Priesthood holders, that seem to believe that they need only their own power, authority, and missionary experience to get them there.
I am sorry, but I don't think that is enough for God.
Janet BellMay 9, 2016
The leaders of the Church have long championed this view that women are more than just intuition and decorators. Here are the words of President Gordon B. Hinckley from 1971 in a conference in England (they were part of an article called "For Girls Only" in the November 1971 New Era. The whole talk is worth reading) " You are not slaves. You are not serfs. You are not chattels. You are not dolls. You’re daughters of God, queens with a divine birthright and a marvelous eternal future. Lift your heads and smile and walk in the dignity of your birthright."
Glen DanielsenMay 9, 2016
Regarding the false ideas about women: If we want to explore the issue of CAUSE: The gospel and the Church give us our Creator's view of women. If there are false messages being believed, shall we blame the Church, or should be more truthful, and blame the outside influences that we PERMIT in our lives and the lives of our children? As just one example, think about how you allow television to blather in your home.
Glen DanielsenMay 9, 2016
"Good Reason" writes "But just try to be that kind of woman in your ward--the other sisters will hate you, resent you, ostracize you." Sister, I suggest you re-read the article. You missed the whole point of the article. Why would church members 'hate--resent--ostracize' you for being a strong, righteous daughter of God? And the comment below from "stevie mckenna" about members still holding on to "old cultural beliefs" just isn't true anymore. Everywhere i've been in the Church, I see that men want righteous, strong, able, competent women around them.
Good ReasonMay 8, 2016
This is a great article. I will share it widely.
But just try to be that kind of woman in your ward--the other sisters will hate you, resent you, ostracize you. If you want women to rise, then women in this Church have to change . . .
RobynMay 7, 2016
You have articulated what I have believed for as long as I remember, and what I have taught my daughters and my nieces.
JohnellMay 6, 2016
Well written and timely. Thank you.
MandyMay 6, 2016
Such an excellent article! Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a timely and important message.
Anne WingateMay 6, 2016
With what I am saying, I am not bragging. I am stating facts.
I am an ex-cop. If I had a dime for every major crime I have worked, I could buy several things I want and can't afford. I have a Ph.D. in English. I have taught writing in four universities in two states. I am married. I have raised or helped to raise six children, as well as my six younger siblings. I have sold 23 books to major publishers and posted several more online. I am old now, and have been quite ill. When I learned that my right knee had to be fused and I would have a metal rod from my ankle to my hip I only cried once, for about five minutes. When people say, "But--but--but--YOU'RE a MORMON?" I tell them about the Mormon nurse-midwife who went down on the Titanic because she refused to leave her patients, even though she knew they would all be dead in a matter of minutes. Mormon women have ALWAYS been exceptionally strong and effectual. Anybody who thinks women are or should be subservient do not understand either patriarchy or the priesthood. Unfortunately that lack of understanding extends to many Mormon men and women. Go forth and read the scriptures. By the way, Trish Mercer, I am convinced that there are many things that Joseph Smith knew and experienced that he never wrote down or told anybody.
s
Anitta MuhlesteinMay 6, 2016
The Zebedee Coltrin vision is sourced and commented on at this site: https://scottwoodward.org/josephsmith_visions_adamandevewithOCandZC.html. Eliza R. Snow also believed in a Heavenly Mother when she wrote "O My Father."
KateMay 6, 2016
Excellent article--thanks! I have felt that one of the most important things I can do as a mother is to teach my sons and daughters what a strong, committed woman is like. The prophets are teaching this--I hope we are listening!
Trish MercerMay 6, 2016
Where did you find that Zebedee Coltrin account? Is there a compilation of all of the visions and heavenly openings of Joseph Smith? I'm always fascinated by how much there is, and I'd love to see the resource of all of them, if one exists.
Colleen ANDERSONMay 6, 2016
Thank you! Great article. I needed to read that.
stevie mckennaMay 6, 2016
What a wonderful article! You have spelled it out completely! Unfortunately, women and men of the Church still hold onto the old cultural beliefs that women are subservient, weak,and less effectual than men. Hopefully this changes over time. Thank you for this article and your understanding and willingness to share this topic.
Comments | Return to Story
Ronald E.M. McBurneyMay 11, 2016
I have not always been the best person, when it comes to treating my eternal companion, and most importantly, the love of my life, and how great I felt when we had two sons, that she was more than willing to bear the pains, fears, sorrows, and recriminations that she felt, when the third pregnancy ended in a spontaneous death of an unborn child, before third month of her pregnancy. Since then, I have had way too many years of my own pains and sorrows, and have taken all of the blame that she took upon herself, as my own fault, for not taking as good care of her, as I should have, especially as a Priesthood holder, who knows very well that we share the Priesthood together. That neither one of us knows all that we need to know, and especially me, and that she is forever doing whatever the spirit inspires her to do, the gospel, the Book of Mormon, and all of the other books in our religiously blessed lives, and the Prophets, the Apostles, the General Authorities. I have never witnessed a day or a night that she has not said her prayers, that she has not written something in her journal, that she has not thought of her Visiting Families, or others that she has just met for the first time, as they come from wherever they used to live, to become members of our Ward. I have also witnessed her reaching out to total strangers in the Ward, newer converts, or people just looking for a place to learn something new, and for a place to feel welcome. She has a special spirit, that seems to sense when people are in need of a friend, a comforter who is willing to listen, instead of making suggestions before they even get their questions or their fears out of their mouths. I was so fortunate to have had the opportunity to meet her at a Church Adult Conference, and we got married in about 6 months, and have spent the last 28 years, married in the temple, and had our only 2 boys born under the covenant. Without her, I would be nothing. It has been her personal mission, desire, and inspirations that have brought us closer together, when all else made everything else appear to be driving us apart. I was 39, my 1st wife joined the Army before our first year of marriage was over, my 2nd wife was considered a homicide by the State Police, and it was a pedestrian event, and I was home at the time it happened more than 20 miles away. I can only say that it was totally by inspiration that we both ended up in the Same Adult Singles Conference, prepared to get married in the Temple, and have shared both some of the best days of our lives together, raised our sons together, she taught them better about the gospel and doctrine, because I only be came a convert in 1978, and she became a convert when she was about 12 yrs old, For the last 2 years, I have done my most important work in my lifetime, by assuring her that she has been right more times than I have, by encouraging, and praising her talent, skills, and abilities, as well as doing my best (although still failing) to listen to her thoughts and ideas on things in the gospel and doctrine of the Church, the conferences, and choosing to watch only uplifting, and approved movies on TV on Sundays, and telling her to make the choices, instead of me. I know that I do not know as much as her about the gospel, but I also know that she will never lead me astray, never will leave me, and never will stop making my life better than my severely abusive childhood was, (by my own mother), my terrible nightmares of the year I spent in Vietnam, and the homicide of my 2nd wife; as if it was her responsibility to make everything better, and to love me unconditionally, even when I most likely did not deserve such love and devotion, and she certainly did, and I failed her along the way. But, as I prayed, I prayed for years, only to have the blessing of her answer on Judgment Day would be to God, that she wanted to be with me for the eternities, and that I would be worthy of that blessing. The answer I got, after several years from God, was, "I'm sorry. Only you can do that". It was then that I realized that I HAD to make the changes in my life, that would bring my prayers into being a reality. I HAD to start treating her with respect, with honor, with gentleness, with kindness, and especially with thanks and love, and to begin utilizing her knowledge of the gospel, and her suggestions, and her examples, IF I ever expected that we would have a chance at spending eternity together. That, and understanding that Jesus Christ's sacrifice, could really mean my sins too, and each Sunday Sacrament Meeting would be a repetition of the blessings of forgiveness, and that sacrifice, and that I would finally feel that we could actually spend eternity together. I have always tried to tell her that she is very intelligent, always does what the gospel and Prophets tell us to do, and does everything in her power to do God's will, but she is much too modest to even believe that, but I will not stop telling her, because I believe that we cannot get to the eternities, without someone dragging us there, if need be, with patience, unconditional love, teaching by example, and never holding a grudge, and unless, and until both parties are working at that equally as hard, equally responsible, equally imparted by God with the authority, power, and glory reserved for the both of us, then neither one will have their chosen companion with them at the end. I have a lot of trouble with men, especially Priesthood holders, that seem to believe that they need only their own power, authority, and missionary experience to get them there. I am sorry, but I don't think that is enough for God.
Janet BellMay 9, 2016
The leaders of the Church have long championed this view that women are more than just intuition and decorators. Here are the words of President Gordon B. Hinckley from 1971 in a conference in England (they were part of an article called "For Girls Only" in the November 1971 New Era. The whole talk is worth reading) " You are not slaves. You are not serfs. You are not chattels. You are not dolls. You’re daughters of God, queens with a divine birthright and a marvelous eternal future. Lift your heads and smile and walk in the dignity of your birthright."
Glen DanielsenMay 9, 2016
Regarding the false ideas about women: If we want to explore the issue of CAUSE: The gospel and the Church give us our Creator's view of women. If there are false messages being believed, shall we blame the Church, or should be more truthful, and blame the outside influences that we PERMIT in our lives and the lives of our children? As just one example, think about how you allow television to blather in your home.
Glen DanielsenMay 9, 2016
"Good Reason" writes "But just try to be that kind of woman in your ward--the other sisters will hate you, resent you, ostracize you." Sister, I suggest you re-read the article. You missed the whole point of the article. Why would church members 'hate--resent--ostracize' you for being a strong, righteous daughter of God? And the comment below from "stevie mckenna" about members still holding on to "old cultural beliefs" just isn't true anymore. Everywhere i've been in the Church, I see that men want righteous, strong, able, competent women around them.
Good ReasonMay 8, 2016
This is a great article. I will share it widely. But just try to be that kind of woman in your ward--the other sisters will hate you, resent you, ostracize you. If you want women to rise, then women in this Church have to change . . .
RobynMay 7, 2016
You have articulated what I have believed for as long as I remember, and what I have taught my daughters and my nieces.
JohnellMay 6, 2016
Well written and timely. Thank you.
MandyMay 6, 2016
Such an excellent article! Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a timely and important message.
Anne WingateMay 6, 2016
With what I am saying, I am not bragging. I am stating facts. I am an ex-cop. If I had a dime for every major crime I have worked, I could buy several things I want and can't afford. I have a Ph.D. in English. I have taught writing in four universities in two states. I am married. I have raised or helped to raise six children, as well as my six younger siblings. I have sold 23 books to major publishers and posted several more online. I am old now, and have been quite ill. When I learned that my right knee had to be fused and I would have a metal rod from my ankle to my hip I only cried once, for about five minutes. When people say, "But--but--but--YOU'RE a MORMON?" I tell them about the Mormon nurse-midwife who went down on the Titanic because she refused to leave her patients, even though she knew they would all be dead in a matter of minutes. Mormon women have ALWAYS been exceptionally strong and effectual. Anybody who thinks women are or should be subservient do not understand either patriarchy or the priesthood. Unfortunately that lack of understanding extends to many Mormon men and women. Go forth and read the scriptures. By the way, Trish Mercer, I am convinced that there are many things that Joseph Smith knew and experienced that he never wrote down or told anybody. s
Anitta MuhlesteinMay 6, 2016
The Zebedee Coltrin vision is sourced and commented on at this site: https://scottwoodward.org/josephsmith_visions_adamandevewithOCandZC.html. Eliza R. Snow also believed in a Heavenly Mother when she wrote "O My Father."
KateMay 6, 2016
Excellent article--thanks! I have felt that one of the most important things I can do as a mother is to teach my sons and daughters what a strong, committed woman is like. The prophets are teaching this--I hope we are listening!
Trish MercerMay 6, 2016
Where did you find that Zebedee Coltrin account? Is there a compilation of all of the visions and heavenly openings of Joseph Smith? I'm always fascinated by how much there is, and I'd love to see the resource of all of them, if one exists.
Colleen ANDERSONMay 6, 2016
Thank you! Great article. I needed to read that.
stevie mckennaMay 6, 2016
What a wonderful article! You have spelled it out completely! Unfortunately, women and men of the Church still hold onto the old cultural beliefs that women are subservient, weak,and less effectual than men. Hopefully this changes over time. Thank you for this article and your understanding and willingness to share this topic.
ADD A COMMENT