Alcoholics make bad choices that they don't understand why they made them. And many of the choices are made under the influence and they don't remember making them. They can hate themselves and lash out not because they hate others but are embarrassed at their seemingly hopeless state and would rather push folks away than see the "reminders" of what they could have/should have done.
VickyApril 15, 2016
My mom "abandoned" me when I joined the Church. I was not to call, write, or in any other way try to contact her. I accepted that for many years, but again approached her and asked if I could take care of her when she got older and started to need more constant care. I was rejected again. I spoke with both my brothers about it and they told me is what I have since been able to share with several friends whose parents have chosen a similar course; Consider the disease. My mom has Borderline Personality Disorder, and both her parents were severe alcoholics, so the combination of the way she was raised and her own mental disorder have made her who she is today. Each time I think of the hurtful things she's said or done, I remind myself, "the disease is talking, not my mom." I also went to therapy for several months as I feel talking to a neutral party isn't a bad idea. Considering her disease (yes, your father's alcoholism is a disease) and her background I've been able to accept the outcome of my relationship with her. And I also have complete trust that the Atonement will fix all broken relationships someday.
dBApril 15, 2016
In my darkest moments and times when I feel utterly rejected by a loved one I remember that I am to become like the Savior and I do that at least in part through suffering as He did (albeit small in comparison) Suffering helps me understand Him and how amazing His life truly was. I try to remember that He, who was perfect, suffered all things and so why shouldn't I, one who is imperfect, suffer at least some things? My pain is mitigated by gratitude and amazement for the life and love of my Savior.
SusanApril 15, 2016
My children were similarly abandoned by their father, even though they had some contact and were with him at his recent death. Through the years, however, they turned to me when they felt his rejection again and again. All I tried to do was listen and over and over again tell them, "My love for you is much more than the love of two people." They seemed to have come to some peace over the years, for which I am grateful.
S. EllisApril 15, 2016
Telling the children that their mother has been lying to them all these years is not going to help them, but just be another form of abandonment. We don't know I'd he loved them or not. Only God knows that. It is better to let them think he did love them, but was too sick to express love.
CharlieBrown2292April 15, 2016
Something comforting that may also be emphasized is that life and relationships do not end at death. One of my friends never got to know his father, except for the time when his parents briefly met in court for their divorce. However, a series of miracles made it possible for him to meet people who knew his father and who helped him to get acquainted with him. In addition, he had sacred experiences in the Temple, that confirmed that his father had changed and cared about him. We can safely promise those kids that their father will likely come to his senses once on the other side of the veil, and will eventually reconcile with them.
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PeterApril 17, 2016
Alcoholics make bad choices that they don't understand why they made them. And many of the choices are made under the influence and they don't remember making them. They can hate themselves and lash out not because they hate others but are embarrassed at their seemingly hopeless state and would rather push folks away than see the "reminders" of what they could have/should have done.
VickyApril 15, 2016
My mom "abandoned" me when I joined the Church. I was not to call, write, or in any other way try to contact her. I accepted that for many years, but again approached her and asked if I could take care of her when she got older and started to need more constant care. I was rejected again. I spoke with both my brothers about it and they told me is what I have since been able to share with several friends whose parents have chosen a similar course; Consider the disease. My mom has Borderline Personality Disorder, and both her parents were severe alcoholics, so the combination of the way she was raised and her own mental disorder have made her who she is today. Each time I think of the hurtful things she's said or done, I remind myself, "the disease is talking, not my mom." I also went to therapy for several months as I feel talking to a neutral party isn't a bad idea. Considering her disease (yes, your father's alcoholism is a disease) and her background I've been able to accept the outcome of my relationship with her. And I also have complete trust that the Atonement will fix all broken relationships someday.
dBApril 15, 2016
In my darkest moments and times when I feel utterly rejected by a loved one I remember that I am to become like the Savior and I do that at least in part through suffering as He did (albeit small in comparison) Suffering helps me understand Him and how amazing His life truly was. I try to remember that He, who was perfect, suffered all things and so why shouldn't I, one who is imperfect, suffer at least some things? My pain is mitigated by gratitude and amazement for the life and love of my Savior.
SusanApril 15, 2016
My children were similarly abandoned by their father, even though they had some contact and were with him at his recent death. Through the years, however, they turned to me when they felt his rejection again and again. All I tried to do was listen and over and over again tell them, "My love for you is much more than the love of two people." They seemed to have come to some peace over the years, for which I am grateful.
S. EllisApril 15, 2016
Telling the children that their mother has been lying to them all these years is not going to help them, but just be another form of abandonment. We don't know I'd he loved them or not. Only God knows that. It is better to let them think he did love them, but was too sick to express love.
CharlieBrown2292April 15, 2016
Something comforting that may also be emphasized is that life and relationships do not end at death. One of my friends never got to know his father, except for the time when his parents briefly met in court for their divorce. However, a series of miracles made it possible for him to meet people who knew his father and who helped him to get acquainted with him. In addition, he had sacred experiences in the Temple, that confirmed that his father had changed and cared about him. We can safely promise those kids that their father will likely come to his senses once on the other side of the veil, and will eventually reconcile with them.
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