This is clearly a gut level issue, as the comments demonstrate. My sister remarried and moved into his house; he's easy going and let her redecorate, relandscape. My experience was one of control and power; there's no negotiating in this scenario. I'm sure there's many possibilities in between. Hopefully, it can be discussed and worked out.
I strongly recommend that both parties come to agree on purchasing a new home and negotiate on pieces of furniture that will come into the new home. There will be many adjustments to be made on a daily basis so to remove the home and furnishings from the mix would be a good idea.
I watched this happen to two friends who both married widowers, both ended terribly. It made me realize if this should ever happen to me, I would not move into another woman's home. If we didn't "start over" in a home new to both of us, I would seriously consider if it should ever happen.
I totally understand her comments- I had the same thing happen when I married Kay- come to find out he just didnt want to "move" all my things- even tho I had newer appliances etc It was hard for me moving into another woman's home with her photos, memories, friends and furnishings everywhere when she had passed away and was no longer "there".
I actually got very angry about it and would not allow my items to be "left behind" as they were ME, and this would be MY new home too. I was going to a place where I had NO friends, no home of my own and hours away from my 2 older sons.
I am glad I talked it over with him - however I would suggest that NO man or woman ever allow anyone to do this to them. My "items" were all I had of "my own" and have been and are still a comfort to me.
I went through the same thing from the other side. She didn't want to change anything in her house. The problem can also be a control issue. Either way, this should have been brought up during the courtship. I see this happening in my own ward as second marriages take place.
This comment will be too late for the person posting the original question.....but I have to say that anyone marrying a man (or woman, I suppose) less than a year after their spouse's death will likely not be in for a pleasant experience. There is no way the man is prepared to make rational decisions nor to be committed to a new relationship. I've seen this many times and pray that, if that time ever came for me, I would remember what I've experienced as I've seen my father-in-law remarry (twice) after my mother-in-law's death. Remarriage was a blessing for my mother, but that was 20 years after my father's death!
It's possible that your husband simply doesn't realise how uncomfortable you must feel. Does he have any adult children with whom you're on good enough terms to confide in? Many years ago, when my father remarried, my new stepmother had exactly the same experience as you. After a couple of months she came to me in some distress, because my father still had his wedding photograph from his marriage to my mother on display in the bedroom. It was bad enough, said my stepmother, to use my mother's kitchen equipment and to sleep in her bed, without being overlooked by her photograph. I had a quiet word with my father and he was horrified at his own thoughtlessness. It simply hadn't occurred to him that his new wife might experience some sensitivity and he took steps to ensure that she felt more comfortable thereafter.
You don't mention if he has children. I have a friend whose father remarried just over six months of her mother dying. She was 6. The new step mum has gotten rid of all trace of the first mother. No photos were allowed, special memories were all thrown out, including home made clothes made especailly for that child. My friend as a YSA struggles with this. Be careful if throwing things out that the children will need emotionally to be connected to their mother.
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