From my personal experience as an avid reader, I wasn't aware as a teen that 1. pornography could be written and 2. that it's rampant in fiction marketed toward young adults. I stumbled across it a lot, without seeking it out, and then didn't know what to do about it. Here's what I wish I had growing up:
Please make sure that in addition to letting your daughter know the boundaries that she also feels safe reporting to you. My parents would yell and berate me if they found an inappropriate passage in a novel I was reading, even though I didn't know the book I'd checked out was inappropriate. The shame without compassion drove me more into hiding what I was reading. Contrast this with my husband: to this day, I will let him know if I started a book and came across something inappropriate, just as an accountability partner, and he does the same when he encounters inappropriate content. It makes it easier to not fall into the trap of keeping secrets.
If possible, try to coach your daughter on how to find good material. It can help to look up reviews on Amazon or Goodreads before starting a book to see if anyone reports sexual content (I ironically found a great series because someone complained in a review about the LACK of explicit content). If she's an avid reader, she probably doesn't want to wait for you to get through the pile of books she wants to read, and this skill is something she can practice into later teenage years and adulthood as well. It might also help to discuss with her that while it's hard to set down a book (especially if it's one peers are reading), there is still clean fiction available. Discuss the genres she likes and try to find authors that write clean fiction within those genres.
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LorettaJune 14, 2024
From my personal experience as an avid reader, I wasn't aware as a teen that 1. pornography could be written and 2. that it's rampant in fiction marketed toward young adults. I stumbled across it a lot, without seeking it out, and then didn't know what to do about it. Here's what I wish I had growing up: Please make sure that in addition to letting your daughter know the boundaries that she also feels safe reporting to you. My parents would yell and berate me if they found an inappropriate passage in a novel I was reading, even though I didn't know the book I'd checked out was inappropriate. The shame without compassion drove me more into hiding what I was reading. Contrast this with my husband: to this day, I will let him know if I started a book and came across something inappropriate, just as an accountability partner, and he does the same when he encounters inappropriate content. It makes it easier to not fall into the trap of keeping secrets. If possible, try to coach your daughter on how to find good material. It can help to look up reviews on Amazon or Goodreads before starting a book to see if anyone reports sexual content (I ironically found a great series because someone complained in a review about the LACK of explicit content). If she's an avid reader, she probably doesn't want to wait for you to get through the pile of books she wants to read, and this skill is something she can practice into later teenage years and adulthood as well. It might also help to discuss with her that while it's hard to set down a book (especially if it's one peers are reading), there is still clean fiction available. Discuss the genres she likes and try to find authors that write clean fiction within those genres.
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