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August 20, 2022

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LBFebruary 6, 2015

I have had a similar situation. It's the child that we need to think about here. At the time, I told my two year old the truth. Although she didn't process it all, I kept it up front about her real biological father/family. It would have been hard to hide it from her since she has noticeable strong Asian decent and I have none. She will in time come to her own way of handling the situation. Grandparents are just trying to keep their relationship with their granddaughter alive too. And their connection with her can help heal them and the loss they are going through at this time. Remember, there is plenty of love to go around. Love only makes more love. Allow the relationships to blossom. You may be wanting to go on with your life, but this is part of your child's life. You cannot afford to block or break these ties in her life. It's a part of who she is. And things change as they get older and when they become teenagers. This will not hinder her relationship with your fiancee. It didn't with mine. My daughter adores him. Your daughter has already established a relationship with your fiancee. It doesn't have to be forced. He shouldn't be worried whether she will accept him as her father or not. It will just happen because he is playing the role already. My child is now nearly forty and has never had any questions, resentments, or issues with time spent with either side; and she is a very happy individual and has a good relationship with her other family. I have always thought that fear and contention are the tools used to cause grief and pain. When understanding and love are put in its place, it will build the respect and compassion that is needed to build good relationships and peace in a family.

Junk BinFebruary 6, 2015

It is nice the grandparents want to be part of YOUR DAUGHTERS LIFE but there are some rules to be worked out. They need to completely understand that they need to follow your rules period. Your are in charge. You, your daughter, and your fiancee are the core family. Everyone else is nice to have but cannot be allowed to disrupt things. Speak with an attorney and get the guidelines. Alienating you ex in laws will be the result of them not following rules you set up. They can obey the rules and guidelines or be barred, it is their choice. If they are LDS, you can counsel with their Bishop about them not dealing fairly with relatives.

DianeFebruary 6, 2015

I have a great-nephew that learned at a very early age the difference between a father and a daddy. He knows that his father was with him when he was born, but his daddy is the man he is with every day. A two-year old can learn that she has two "daddies". One of them -- say, "Daddy Joe", lives with Heavenly Father now. The other one, "Daddy Sam" lives with her on earth. Details can come later in life. I also think the in-laws are very unfair saying that their son is her "real daddy." Both men are real. Both love her very much. The parents are hurting, obviously, but they should stop hurting their daughter-in-law for her choice to move on with life.

Gerry MFebruary 6, 2015

My grandson has a stepfather whom she calls Daddy, and his biological father who is called Father at least to our ears. While Father may try and make things difficult for my daughter in some respects the process seems to work. He's 6

Kathi IzoboFebruary 5, 2015

I divorced my husband (a child abuser) when my twins were a little over 1 year old. I remarried to a wonderful guy whom the boys always called dad. They knew they had a "real" dad, but it was not relevant to their lives. He came to see them when they turned 3 years old. When they were 6 they asked to be adopted so they could go to school with their "dad's" last name. From the time of the adoption until one of the boys got married at age 22 they had no contact. The boy getting married invited his "real dad" to the reception and he did come. The twins offered in every way to renew a relationship with him and he did not take advantage. Now the man lives in my brother's town and see my brother frequently. He has never asked about the twins. I just think it is so sad. He had every opportunity to stay in their lives even after the adoption, but evidentally it just was not meaningful enough. Thanks for listening.

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