Years ago, there were 3 of us girls who were best friends. A new girl moved into our small farming community who was our same age. Two of us included her in our group, but the 3rd girl felt threatened since she had always been #1! After a few weeks, the newcomer's mother invited the three of us to her home and talked with us about friendship. She invited us to sing together the song, "Angry Words, Oh Let Them Never." We left her home with new perspectives and the four of us became great friends.
This happened to my daughter when she was in 8th grade. One of the offenders was a church friend from 1st/2nd grade and the other was a non-member. We were shocked and confused by the exclusion and name calling, as was the church friends parents. We advised our daughter not to sink to their level, to be polite and to move on. A few years later, the church friend brought the non-member to girls camp. Our daughter was fearful that her camp experience would be ruined. Again, we gave the same advise and reminded our daughter that camp was "her turf" and that the non-member friend would be the one in unfamiliar surroundings. Leaders were made aware of the situation and camp went off smoothly for all of the girls. Flash forward to senior year of high school, the non-member girl praised our daughter for her "adult" behavior and apologized for her behavior towards our daughter. Now they are all adults, with families of their own. They mended the fences and have kept in contact. It was really rough in the beginning and middle, but in the end, it worked out.
I am an adult woman in my mid 60s and still have friends who are unkind. I finally just decided to cut them out of my life. I do not have to suffer through their endless one upmanship and attempting to denigrate my life. While it would be nice if a frank conversation would help, I have seen these people operate. They use gossip and out right lies to try to convince others to shun you.
A friend once said, "Life is junior high."
Best advice. Drop them and never look back.
I'm not a parent, but have had this situation much - both as a child and an adult.
We get bored "with the same old friends". My mom's advice was, "Well, if they don't want you around, find new friends." Just because you play together DOESN'T mean your "friends". It just means you're coveniently located to each other and the opportunity oganically emerged (setting aside the possiblity of forced "play dates" set up by helicopter parents in the past).
Kids do fine without us interfering and "making" children be friends; or setting up "play dates". Tell your daughter - if she feels ostracized or made fun of - that she doesn't have to be friends with these girls OR continue to play with them. But indeed, if there IS bullying, make the parents of those kids aware and help your child to find new people to play with or new hobbies to develop on their own.
A while ago my boy had a situation where he felt bullied by one kid in our ward. It happened mostly at school . At first , I felt like it was just “kids” but then I thought to better stop it from getting worse so I called my neighbor and told him what his son was doing. He took it well. He then talk to his son and now both boys are good friends again.
The key here is communication.Don’t feel afraid to talk to your neighbors about their daughters and solve the problem before it gets more complicated.
If they take it wrong, then is their fault. As parents we have the responsibility to correct our children. If they are the bullies they need to stop.
Our daughter had something similar happen to her between 7th & 8th grade. In our ward, she was included in a group of about 6 LDS friends, and they all got along pretty well. A new girl moved into our ward, and all of a sudden, our daughter began to be excluded from activities that the other girls would have. Then, they would talk about how much fun the activities were in front of my daughter at youth activities. Our daughter came home from many of those in tears. They never offered any reason for the exclusion. Our daughter was crushed. We just encouraged her to make new friends. She made a new best friend, a non-member girl with our same values, that turned out to be a huge blessing in her life. Even today, I'm a bit miffed about the way those LDS "friends" excluded her in junior high school, but my daughter has long forgiven them for it. Encourage your daughter to look for someone else who needs a friend, and become that friend for them.
Those are good suggestions. It is probably inaccurate to say that these are “friends.” Friends are generally kind and inclusive. It can help clarify the situation if you don’t confuse things by labeling them as friends as friends don’t act in unfriendly ways.
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