This is an important principle that Brother Goddard is teaching here. Our self centered culture is not what is seen in the scriptural accounts of those who are forgiven, born again, and redeemed. Consider the stories of Alma, Enos, the people of King Benjamin, Lamoni and his father, and the woman in Luke 7, etc. All of these examples clearly portray a completely broken-hearted dejection immediately prior to being forgiven and born of God. The broken heart is not a contrived humility, but is a recognition of what King Benjamin called "an awareness of our worthless and fallen state." Only by recognizing this and appealing to Christ for mercy are we born again and redeemed.
Barbara SanfordMay 14, 2019
Disagree that self-esteem is anathema to serving and loving others, rather it increases empathy and realization of needs and means to love others. It is not only adaptive to fill your own cup but necessary in order to fill another's. Self-esteem is about our perceived "worth" and our perception of other's "worth" emanates from this perception. Therfore, it is more likely that we love those we perceive as "of great worth" as the scriptures state.
Dave MelansonMay 14, 2019
Certainly, we should avoid being self-centered and pursue humility. But I would also recall that our Young Women Values include both Divine Nature and Individual Worth.
President Harold B. Lee (quoting Sir John Frederick William Herschel) said “Self-respect—that corner-stone of all virtue.” And, “. . . when one does not have that love for himself . . . other consequences can be expected to follow. He ceases to love life. Or if he marries, he has lost his love for his wife and children—no love of home or respect for the country in which he lives, and eventually he has lost his love of God. Rebellion in the land, disorder and the lack of love in the family, children disobedient to parents, loss of contact with God, all because that person has lost all respect for himself.”
Elder Russell M. Nelson (speaking to his daughters) “My dear ones, in order to experience true joy in the morning, or at any time, at least three factors are needed. You need to feel good about the people with whom you live and work—your companions in life. You must feel good about yourself—not in any sense of conceit, but simply a proper esteem for yourself, well deserved. And possibly most important, you must feel good about your relation to God and sincerely love him.”
Sasha KwapinskiMay 14, 2019
The only "quibble" I may have with this article is that there actually are some (not all, but some) religious traditions which definitely do engage in degrading and belittling of one's self, even in some cases openly advocating self-hatred, or the refusal to entertain any good thoughts about one's self.(Continually thinking of one's self as "totally depraved," a"miserable sinner," "by nature evil," etc.) I ran right into this type of religious teaching some decades ago, before becoming LDS.
JenniferMay 14, 2019
Marcela, I understand what you're say but I think the point of the article is to point out where the "oxygen" comes from.
RonMay 14, 2019
I have been contemplating this very subject lately and have come to many of the same conclusions! Thank you so much for this well-written and concise article that has helped me and will undoubtedly help countless others. There is such an emphasis today on "you", "yourself", "loving yourself" and "you time", etc., often times the results of which are contrary to gospel teachings.
DianeMay 14, 2019
I loved this! Very thought-provoking.
Renaissance NerdMay 14, 2019
With my own kids I like the term self-respect, which is, I believe, entirely compatible with humility and selflessness.
Marcela StaceyMay 14, 2019
Putting the oxygen mask on yourself before assisting fellow travelers is not selfish - it is responsible. You can’t help others if your oxygen is lacking. It’s what you do with your oxygen supply that matters. So many LDS women already feel like they don’t measure up to all that is required of them, please let’s nit guilt trip them into thinking that taking care of their “oxygen” is another reason to feel not good enough. It’s a fine balance we are trying to find already. The Lord looketh on the heart. It’s Him whom we serve as we serve others. It’s a fine balance. Keep the oxygen mask on for the purpose of serving others.
Comments | Return to Story
Vardell TaylorMay 17, 2019
This is an important principle that Brother Goddard is teaching here. Our self centered culture is not what is seen in the scriptural accounts of those who are forgiven, born again, and redeemed. Consider the stories of Alma, Enos, the people of King Benjamin, Lamoni and his father, and the woman in Luke 7, etc. All of these examples clearly portray a completely broken-hearted dejection immediately prior to being forgiven and born of God. The broken heart is not a contrived humility, but is a recognition of what King Benjamin called "an awareness of our worthless and fallen state." Only by recognizing this and appealing to Christ for mercy are we born again and redeemed.
Barbara SanfordMay 14, 2019
Disagree that self-esteem is anathema to serving and loving others, rather it increases empathy and realization of needs and means to love others. It is not only adaptive to fill your own cup but necessary in order to fill another's. Self-esteem is about our perceived "worth" and our perception of other's "worth" emanates from this perception. Therfore, it is more likely that we love those we perceive as "of great worth" as the scriptures state.
Dave MelansonMay 14, 2019
Certainly, we should avoid being self-centered and pursue humility. But I would also recall that our Young Women Values include both Divine Nature and Individual Worth. President Harold B. Lee (quoting Sir John Frederick William Herschel) said “Self-respect—that corner-stone of all virtue.” And, “. . . when one does not have that love for himself . . . other consequences can be expected to follow. He ceases to love life. Or if he marries, he has lost his love for his wife and children—no love of home or respect for the country in which he lives, and eventually he has lost his love of God. Rebellion in the land, disorder and the lack of love in the family, children disobedient to parents, loss of contact with God, all because that person has lost all respect for himself.” Elder Russell M. Nelson (speaking to his daughters) “My dear ones, in order to experience true joy in the morning, or at any time, at least three factors are needed. You need to feel good about the people with whom you live and work—your companions in life. You must feel good about yourself—not in any sense of conceit, but simply a proper esteem for yourself, well deserved. And possibly most important, you must feel good about your relation to God and sincerely love him.”
Sasha KwapinskiMay 14, 2019
The only "quibble" I may have with this article is that there actually are some (not all, but some) religious traditions which definitely do engage in degrading and belittling of one's self, even in some cases openly advocating self-hatred, or the refusal to entertain any good thoughts about one's self.(Continually thinking of one's self as "totally depraved," a"miserable sinner," "by nature evil," etc.) I ran right into this type of religious teaching some decades ago, before becoming LDS.
JenniferMay 14, 2019
Marcela, I understand what you're say but I think the point of the article is to point out where the "oxygen" comes from.
RonMay 14, 2019
I have been contemplating this very subject lately and have come to many of the same conclusions! Thank you so much for this well-written and concise article that has helped me and will undoubtedly help countless others. There is such an emphasis today on "you", "yourself", "loving yourself" and "you time", etc., often times the results of which are contrary to gospel teachings.
DianeMay 14, 2019
I loved this! Very thought-provoking.
Renaissance NerdMay 14, 2019
With my own kids I like the term self-respect, which is, I believe, entirely compatible with humility and selflessness.
Marcela StaceyMay 14, 2019
Putting the oxygen mask on yourself before assisting fellow travelers is not selfish - it is responsible. You can’t help others if your oxygen is lacking. It’s what you do with your oxygen supply that matters. So many LDS women already feel like they don’t measure up to all that is required of them, please let’s nit guilt trip them into thinking that taking care of their “oxygen” is another reason to feel not good enough. It’s a fine balance we are trying to find already. The Lord looketh on the heart. It’s Him whom we serve as we serve others. It’s a fine balance. Keep the oxygen mask on for the purpose of serving others.
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