Singles

Divorce is an overwhelming experience emotionally, spiritually, physically, and even financially. And financial overwhelm can cause a great deal of stress and damage our lives in other areas. Some readers may feel financial stress because they are single parents who have never had a professional level job. Others may be businesspeople who have gone through a difficult time in their businesses, which hastened the divorce. Others may have suffered business reversals because of distractions involving their declining marriages or divorces. Still others may have experienced interruptions in their employment for similar reasons. And others may have financial problems resulting from a mountain of legal fees incident to their divorces.

Whatever the reason, my experience with divorce, as well as interacting with many divorcees over the years, tells me that experiencing financial overwhelm in the wake of divorce is a common experience. How you navigate financial reversals and the feeling of overwhelm will, to a large extent, determine when you are ready to move on to new relationships and build a new life.

If you are dealing with financial overwhelm incident to divorce, I want to introduce you to a strategy I call “Back to Basics.” There are seven key principles:

1. Pay your business first. If you own your own business and don’t have enough money to pay all your bills, pay your business first. For example, if you earn your living driving for Uber, pay your car loan and insurance and your cell phone bill first. Also, hold on to enough money to buy gas and pay for occasional repairs before you pay your rent or go grocery shopping. The priority must be to maintain your income. If you must, live on Ramen noodles and pancakes and couch surf with friends. Do what you must. Don’t starve production to feed consumption.I give this advice with a caveat. If the business is losing money or consistently not providing a basic living, cut your losses and get a paying job as soon as possible. Be realistic in your assessment. You cannot drive for Uber 20 hours a day or guarantee that your car will never need a repair. So, make realistic assumptions when you decide to try to turn around a business that is not meeting your needs after a solid attempt.
2. Spend only on absolute necessities. In a personal financial crisis, basic necessities mean food, basic (and I mean VERY basic) shelter, essential transportation for work, non-elective medical care, and only the clothing (preferably from a thrift store) and tools needed to work. This means no gifts, no dining out, no luxuries until you’re financially stable. Let others cover the extras for now including Christmas gifts for your children. At this time, your job is survival and creating stability. If you must have a car, buy what you can pay cash for. When I was starting a new business, I once paid $1000 for an old Volvo with almost 200,000 miles on it. I lived with relatives and commuted 40 miles a day. I drove that car for over a year and, by the time it died, I had the money for a better car. Don’t go into debt for a car, especially when you are already not making ends meet. 

4. Save everything left over. I mean everything. Even a few dollars a week can accumulate. If you are in a financial crisis, savings should be used only for efforts to improve your income—nothing else.
5. Choose low-overhead work. Again, using the example of driving for Uber, the following is a summary of expected costs for an Uber Driver by Matt Nesterak, Minneapolis research staff calculate new estimates of Uber and Lyft driver costs, Minnesota Reformer, April 24, 2024:

Driving for Uber may offer flexibility, but this cost breakdown shows how high expenses can contribute to financial overwhelm after divorce.

This means that you must earn between $1,854 and $2,253 each month before you can even start to eat or pay rent. Full-time drivers report approximately a net $16 – $20 per hour profit after expenses. $16 per hour over 2000 per year is approximately $32,000 per year for a full-time driver or 2,666.67 per month. The profit you make is barely more than the cost of making it. Most of the costs are fixed. For example, if you get sick and can’t work for a week, your car payment remains the same and you are still required to come up with it. You may see a gross income of $4700 per month and anticipate $56,000 per year. But the operating costs will eat you alive if you don’t account for them. I am not against Uber driving. Uber is a great option for some people who need a lot of flexibility in their schedule. But do the math. Calculate all the relevant costs and make sure it makes sense.

Compare this to the starting salary of a UPS driver making $23 an hour—which adds up to $46,000 per year. The cost of acquiring, operating, and maintaining the vehicle are UPS’s responsibility. The UPS package also comes with 100 percent health insurance coverage for the driver and dependents, which saves a family of four $10,000 to $15,000 annually.  In three years, pay can increase to approximately $49 per hour. With a little overtime that is a six-figure income without even factoring in benefits, which include $11 per hour in retirement savings and paid vacation, sick days, and holidays. Driving Uber is a less favorable deal by comparison because the costs of doing business are so high. So, when you are living on tight margins, make sure you count all the potential costs in advance. When other important considerations are equal, choose a job or business with low overhead.

6. Get a job that meets your financial needs now. Defer chasing dreams until you are back on your feet. You can still pursue your dream. But until it supports you, find work that pays the bills. Think of Hall of Fame Quarterback Kurt Warner. He stocked grocery shelves while chasing his NFL career. That’s what survival and persistence look like. If the only job you can get right now is doing phone surveys or taking orders at McDonald’s, accept that job and work it while you are looking for something better. When you get a better job, quit the first one and keep looking until you find something that pays you a good living wage.
7. Don’t count on your former spouse. I caution you against counting on money from a former spouse with substance abuse or addiction issues or a history of employment instability. If he wasn’t good at making money during your marriage, he is unlikely to be easier to work with or have better work habits after you divorce him. If your former spouse turns things around and can provide you with money, be happily surprised. But don’t allow wishful thinking to cloud your judgment. You will be better off spending your time and emotional energy earning your own money than trying to extract it from someone who is constantly struggling and lacks the competence to earn a living.
8. Get a bigger shovel. At some point, living frugally is not enough to dig out from under a significant financial avalanche unless you have sufficient income. That might mean additional career training, college, or other career opportunities. Getting a bigger shovel may require time outside work hours, and you may feel like you are too exhausted to do any more. But there is almost nothing more exhausting than being constantly on the edge of homelessness. Ask yourself if, in five years, you still want to be living paycheck to paycheck, unprepared for an emergency as trivial as a car repair, and in constant stress. Decide on that basis if getting a more financially rewarding career is worth the extra effort. If this subject depresses you, some breathing room would be a huge relief. If you don’t have it, make the sacrifice to get a career where the rewards are better.Finding a way to earn won’t get easier as you get older. There are many good careers that don’t require years of your life or tens of thousands of dollars in student loans. Plumbers and other skilled tradesmen make good incomes and have apprenticeship programs where you get paid while you learn the trade. Many Insurance agents are well-paid, though it takes time to get a business going and build up clientele. I could give many other examples. But the principle is simply to research careers that make a good income with a minimal investment of time and money.
9. Flush your debt and don’t take on more. I have seen many people going through divorce who max out credit cards or get new ones to catch up car payments, catch up payments on other credit cards, or otherwise put themselves on the debt merry-go-round. Debt is not the solution–it is the problem. If you are taking on new debt to catch up delinquent payments, that is a big clue that you are living beyond your means. 

Go to all your creditors and tell them you are contemplating bankruptcy. Ask them to restructure your debt to make the payments and the interest rate manageable. Some credit card companies will settle your debt for a lesser amount if you pay a lump sum and then close your account. If you get a good deal and can swing the lump sum payment, do it. If you have a substantial amount of unsecured debt, I suggest that you prayerfully consider bankruptcy. It may give you a clean slate and allow you to start repairing your credit immediately. From now on, live without using consumer debt and make it a priority to live within your means. Many divorcees attempt to cover a shortfall in income with debt, hoping things will improve in the future and they can easily catch up. Money is almost always easier to borrow than to pay back. Owing a lot of money can sometimes even limit your options in accepting certain employment that may be good for you but will not allow you to make the payments. Using debt for consumption robs your future for things you want today. 

This article may come across as grim and austere. But I also intend it to be hopeful. The draconian measures in this “Back to Basics” strategy are not intended to last forever. They are intended to help you take control of your money and stop the financial bleeding during a time of crisis to allow you to recover more quickly and move forward to creating a new life.

Resource:

Intentional Courtship can help in this journey.

About the Author

Jeff Teichert, and his wife Cathy Butler Teichert, are the founders of “Love in Later Years,” which ministers to Latter-day Saint single adults seeking peace, healing, and more joyful relationships. They are co-authors of the Amazon bestseller Intentional Courtship: A Mid-Singles Guide to Peace, Progress and Pairing Up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Jeff and Cathy each spent nearly a decade in the mid-singles community and they use that experience to provide counsel and hope to mid-singles and later married couples through written articles, podcasts, and videos. Jeff and Cathy are both Advanced Certified Life Coaches and have university degrees in Family & Human Development. They are the parents of a blended family that includes four handsome sons, one lovely daughter-in-law, and two sweet little granddaughters.

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