Replacing Substitutes for the Savior – With Him
By Steve and Claudia Goodman
Remember when you came running into the house as a child with a cut finger? Somehow a band-aid made it all better-as long as the cut wasn’t too bad! But somewhere along the line, we come to realize that a band-aid won’t fix everything. When the really big things happen, we need much more than a temporary fix; we need true healing.
Just as a band-aid offers comfort and reassurance, many sources can give consolation when hard times come. However, if we rely on them alone, we will never experience that deep inner healing. The formula is so simple: “.Will ye not now return unto me.that I may heal you?” (3 Ne. 9:13) In our exuberance to use all the resources at our command, sometimes it is easy for us to forget to tap into the greatest healing power of all, and to teach our children to rely on Him above all else. Only the Savior Jesus Christ can truly heal all infirmities, for He alone paid the price for all of us.
Let’s observe what happens when some of the common outside sources of comfort become a substitute instead of a supplement for healing.
Sources that can become substitutes:
Others
Last week a terrible tragedy occurred at our local high school. One of the students committed suicide. He and his girlfriend had split up three weeks earlier. She was almost inconsolable. She had to constantly be surrounded by people in order to function. She had to have someone sleep near her, talk to her, go everywhere with her, and continually remind her that it wasn’t her fault. But no matter how many times everyone reassured her that there was nothing more she could have done, she was not convinced-at least not for more than a minute. Her friends were a great strength to her in this time of need. However, nothing they could say or do would heal her heart.
The World
The five-year-old daughter of a single mother was hospitalized for a brutal beating. The mother’s boyfriend had been smashing the girl’s head against the wall time after time. The girl had confided to her mother earlier that he was hurting her, but the mother chose to listen to her boyfriend’s version instead, as he reassured her that he was doing nothing to her. As the girl lay at the brink of death, never to be normal if she survived, the mother could not forgive herself.
I was asked to console the mother, but after a few moments’ conversation, I hit a dead end. What could I say? The mother had disregarded her own daughter’s pleas for help, because she was more interested in the enticements of the world. In her pursuit of pleasure, she had never once considered that there might be a God in heaven. Now in her hour of need, her lamp was empty. It would take diligent effort to develop a relationship with the Master she had despised before she could be healed.
Professional Counseling
While there is a very real need for grief counseling and other types of professional help in times of crises, we must be certain that we and our children use counseling as an optional tool to help us identify our feelings and not as a substitute for the healing that comes through the Savior. If we would spend as much time and effort pursuing the true healer as we do seeking the advice of a counselor, we would certainly find Him.
Pres. Boyd K. Packer stated, “True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel.” (Conference Report, Oct. 1986)
Nothing we learn about healing can compare with knowing the Healer personally. He is the only one fully empowered to remove the cause of the anguish.
Justification
Often one of the most subtle substitutes for true healing is convincing ourselves that we have let go of past resentments when we actually haven’t. Often we tell ourselves we have forgiven past events, but have we? If we keep dwelling on them or brooding over them, we are still justifying our actions. The fact is, without the Savior’s forgiveness and our own, we are not truly free.
Several years ago I was working on a project with a person who greatly wronged me. Over a period of time he gently and kindly undermined me again and again until my confidence was at low ebb. Some of his incorrect training took me years to correct. In addition, he tried to take credit for work I had done, telling me I was not capable of producing anything on my own. When I finally realized what was happening, I terminated the business arrangement. However, I found myself brooding over it quite often.
A year later I was in a conversation with my mother. She interrupted me abruptly with the comment, “Claudia, you have some bitter feelings about this individual and you need to get rid of them. They are not only affecting you, but your entire family.” I opened my mouth to protest that I had forgotten all about the experience months ago. Then I began thinking of all the times I complained about him and made negative comments-not just occasionally, but several times a week. I thought I had forgiven and forgotten, but I really hadn’t. It had only been a mental exercise. I hadn’t taken the most important steps.
A few nights later on a rare occasion when I found myself alone, I sat down and wrote a letter to this individual. I listed all my complaints in detail and all the things he had done that hurt me and were not only unfair but damaging. It was a long letter-almost three pages single-spaced, but it contained every resentful feeling I had ever felt toward him. After I finished, I asked myself if I felt I could send him the letter so that he could see how he had wronged me and how to correct his faults. As I reread the letter, I realized that there was not one single sentence in it that would help him. He would flatly deny all I had said and be very defensive. He would twist it all and use it against me.
I reread the letter again, this time focusing on what things had hurt me so deeply that I had to share them with him, even if he were offended. Again I found that there was nothing that I could not recover from, given a little time. I then read the letter a third time, asking myself if there was anything I could not forgive. Seeing the whole thing in print helped me realize that there wasn’t nearly as many things as it had seemed when I replayed them over and over in my mind. I was able to understand specifically how I could recover from the injustices, overlook his weaknesses, and move on.
I knelt in prayer and asked Heavenly Father to forgive him and to forgive me. I also asked him to remove my bitter feelings. I arose, tore up the letter and threw it away. The feelings were totally gone with the letter-not because I had torn it up, but because I had released all those bitter feelings to Someone who could take them away permanently.
My thoughts never dwelled on that individual again, until I saw him six months later at our children’s viewing. Because all the feelings were gone, I could smile at him with love in my heart, shake his hand warmly, and thank him for coming. The only feelings I have for him now are gratitude for the things he taught me. This complete healing is the miracle of the Atonement. I doubt that any counseling, antidepressant, or person could have dissolved my bitter feelings so completely. Our children need to understand that there is One who can.
Ourselves
The Lord wants us to learn to do things for ourselves, but sometimes we can become so focused on making it without help that we forget all about Him. We can learn a profound lesson about relying on our Savior from the movie “Chariots of Fire.” It portrays the experiences of two Olympic medal winners in 1924. Harold Abrahams’ biggest goal in life was to win the Olympic gold medal. With the help of his trainer they painstakingly analyzed every part of every movement of his running. He followed a grueling training program, which became so intense that he even dropped his sweetheart because the Olympics were so much more important. Just before the race he commented, “Thirty seconds to justify my whole existence.” He won, but to me it seemed somewhat of a hollow victory as he and his trainer celebrated together in the bar alone after midnight. There was no one to share their joy, no one who really cared what he had done.
On the other hand, Eric Liddle trained by running for the sheer joy of it. He explained his motives thus: “God made me fast. When I run, I feel His pleasure.” When he arrived at the Olympics, he discovered that his race was scheduled on Sunday. In spite of deep disappointment and extreme pressure from his country’s delegation, he refused to compete. During the time of his scheduled race he was at a local Church, worshipping the God who made him fast.
Eric had learned throughout his life that the Lord would always sustain him. And He did. At the last minute one of his fellow runners who had already won an Olympic medal offered to let him take his slot in the mile race. Eric accepted. Even though it was a longer race than he had trained for, he ran with joy and confidence with the scripture from Isaiah he had heard at church burning in his heart. “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31) He won the gold medal, not on his own, but born up on eagle’s wings and went on to become a great missionary in China. His focus was beyond himself; hence, he was able to perform far above his own ability and his victory was sweet and a monument to others. Let us teach our children that there is One who can magnify them far above their own potential.
We learned that lesson for ourselves when our family sang at the UN Conference in Istanbul, Turkey. We had flown there on faith to perform at three smaller venues which we had had very little time to publicize. But after we had done all we could, we watched in amazement as our three humble concerts turned into twenty, culminating in a performance for the high plenary session of the UN where the world leaders were present. We were also on the news and in the newspapers every day for two-and-a-half weeks with headlines such as, “Goodman Family Steals the Show from Habitat II.” People kept asking us how we were getting such incredible publicity. The fact was we weren’t getting it at all. Someone else was working through us. We were learning firsthand about God’s promises. “Therefore., let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.” (D&C 123:17) Along with our need to do all we can there is nothing wrong with working hand in hand with the Lord. Things are so much better when we are following His plan.
Replacing Substitutes With the Real Thing
We all know how to make Jesus Christ live for us and for our children-scripture study, prayer, effective family home evenings, church meetings, serving others, in short, living the gospel fully in our lives. The thing we really need to focus on is doing it. We need to take literally the sacrament covenant we make to “always remember him.”
Jesus Christ said, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matt. 11:28-30) Do we believe the Lord literally meant what He said? Do we pause long enough to see miracles happening today when someone carrying a heavy burden of sin or grief literally has that burden lifted?
Nephi pointed out that after the Israelites were bitten by fiery flying serpents, the Lord “prepared a way that they might be healed; and the labor which they had to perform was to look; and because of the simpleness of the way, or the easiness of it, there were many who perished.” (I NE. 17:41)
How about us today? We have so many marvelous tools at our fingertips to help ease our burdens. And of course the Lord expects us to use the light we have been given and do many good things of our own free will. But when we have done all we can, do we have the faith to look to Him? Or deep inside are we afraid that it cannot really be that simple-that we must rely more heavily on antidepressants, counselors, friends, or ourselves-and keep plodding along under our heavy burden?
As we teach our children to cope with the many challenges of life, let us make certain that along with all the practical advice, we teach them as the Nephites did of old. “And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.” (2 Ne. 25:26) Then when those dark days of trouble overpower them, they will have the means and the faith to look heavenward and be healed. They will understand the last verse of the hymn “How Firm a Foundation.” They will not only know where to look-they will know Him.
“The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,.
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake!”
(Hymns, #85)
