For years we have been taught that repentance requires a series of steps. These steps can include: recognize the sin, feel remorse, confess the sin, make restitution, and resolve never to sin again. In my experience as a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, I found it can take a client weeks or years of therapy to move through each one of these traditional steps of repentance. It is not something anyone can do in a single day. Therefore, daily repentance, which President Nelson has repeatedly encouraged, must mean something different.
What Daily Repentance is NOT
The doctrine and Covenants teaches, “By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins—behold, he will confess them and forsake them (D & C 58:43.) Forsake means to “abandon, leave or renounce.” Thus, according to the Doctrine and Covenants we have not repented of our sins until we have abandoned them. This implies that if we commit the same sin again, after we thought we had repented, we must not have completely repented. The quest to never repeat a sin can be very discouraging and may explain why people cringe when they hear the word repentance.
One of the saddest experiences we had as mission leaders was working with a young elder or sister who struggled with sin, worked mightily to overcome a particular sin or sins, but was continually plagued with the same behavior. Imagine their delight when they began to understand President Nelson’s teachings about daily repentance. “Repentance is not an event;” he said, “it is a process” (April 2019 General Conference We can do better and be better).
What is Daily Repentance?
Consider how revolutionary this teaching is! Repentance is not an event; it is a process. It’s not like we choose one sin at a time, and go through each of the steps of repentance, crossing them off our list as we go and then move on to another sin.
When President Nelson encourages us to engage in daily repentance, he does not expect us to abandon whatever sin we committed by the end of the day. He is inviting us to focus on repentance. “Nothing is more liberating, more ennobling, or more crucial to our individual progression than is a regular, daily focus on repentance (April 2019 General Conference, We can do better and be better).
The prophet explains what he means by “daily repentance.” “Experience the strengthening power of daily repentance—of doing and being a little better each day.”
This simple definition of daily repentance, doing and being a little better each day, seems much more do-able than completely abandoning all our sins.
“Real” Repentance
What then do we make of the scripture that says the truly repentant must forsake their sin?
Elder Christofferson provides an answer. In his talk, “The Divine Gift of Repentance” (Oct 2011 General Conference) he provides two separate definitions of repentance.
One of the definitions is the following: “Repentance means striving to change.” This definition is consistent with President Nelson’s admonition to do and be a little better each day.
In the same talk Elder Christofferson provides a second definition of repentance. This definition incorporates the doctrine that the truly repentant forsake their sins. “Real repentance, real change may require repeated attempts, but there is something refining and holy in such striving.” (The Divine Gift of Repentance, Oct 2011 General Conference)
Forsaking Sin Takes a Lifetime
“Real repentance” or “real change” doesn’t happen in a day. It happens over an entire lifetime. Even though we have no intention of repeating a sin there is no guarantee we won’t return to our sins before we die. King Mosiah was aware of this risk when he invited his people to give up their desire for a king and to let judges rule the land. King Benjamin says, “If my son should turn again to his pride and vain things he would recall the things which he had said and claim his right to the kingdom which would cause him and also this people to commit much sin.” (Mosiah 29:9)
King Mosiah is talking about Aaron, or his other sons (Ammon, Omner and Himni) all of whom had stopped persecuting the church and gone on a mission to the Lamanites. These were the men of whom the scriptures say, “Now they were desirous that salvation should be declared to every creature, for they could not bear that any human soul should perish… (Alma 28:3). Even though his sons had had a mighty change of heart, even though they were going about doing good, King Mosiah understood there was always a risk that they would sin again.
Therefore, daily repentance or “striving to change” and continually coming closer and closer to Christ is the only type of repentance we can assess.
Doing Good Lasts a Lifetime
Real repentance does not simply mean we completely stop doing something bad. It also means we begin doing something good. We change our hearts, having no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually. Evidence of our repentance is the good we do every day of our lives.
Preach My Gospel says, “Repentance may involve an emotional and physical process. People must stop ongoing, ingrained ways of inappropriate acting. Undesirable actions must be replaced with healthy and appropriate behaviors (PMG p. 189).
Giving up a bad habit without replacing it with something good can be ineffective. Like a weeded garden– unless something replaces the weeds they will grow right back. This is why people who give up smoking often begin to chew gum or carry a pencil in their hand. They need something to do with their mouth and their hand besides smoking a cigarette.
I had a client who wanted to overcome a pornography addiction so whenever he had the urge to turn on the computer, he turned to family search instead and delved into his family history.
Many times these two tasks, ceasing to do bad and beginning to do good, are related–such as returning money that was stolen. But we shouldn’t look at doing good things with our life as making up for our sin. We do good things with the rest of our life because we have a change of heart and no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.
It may appear that the restitution stage of repentance is a way of making up for what we did that was bad. This cannot be the case because 1) many times we have no ability to repair the damage we have done and that is why we need Jesus Christ and 2) our sin does not always involve a singular event or behavior. It could be our thoughts or attitudes or beliefs that need changing. 3) No matter the nature of the sin, doing good for the rest of our lives is part of the process of repentance.
The good things we do are not necessarily “restitution” for the bad we have done. Elder Maxwell said, “In that process of striving to become more like Him through steady improvement, we must be in the posture of repentance, even if no major transgression is involved.” (Testifying of the Great and Glorious Atonement April 2001 General Conference)
Note that we can be in the process of repentance even when no major transgression is involved. This means all the good we do, related or not to our sin, is part of the repentance process.
We might be less confused if we consider “daily repentance” as the process of repenting, or a focus on repentance. It does not mean we experience recognition, remorse, restitution and resolve in one single day. We don’t necessarily repent daily; we are in the process of “repenting daily.”
Instantaneous Repentance
The scriptures seem to indicate there is another type of repentance that we could call “instantaneous repentance.” This is the type of repentance where we make an about-face. We decide in a single moment to turn away from our sin and turn toward The Savior. This type of repentance is all about the desire of our hearts. We may not yet have changed our behavior, we may not have had the chance to change our behavior, but we have “no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.” This is the type of repentance that can occur when the Holy Ghost witnesses that we have been headed in the wrong direction and we better change our direction. The decision to change is a type of repentance. It is all about our focus, our goals, our desires. This may be the beginning of a life-long journey, but the change of heart surely counts as repentance.
A mighty change of heart is what King Benjamin’s people experienced after his powerful discourse in Mosiah chapters 2-5. It is what the people of Zarahemla experienced after Alma put the church in order and the people were again “established in the way of righteousness.” It is what Alma the younger experienced when he realized he was in danger of being cast off and called out to his redeemer. We still may need an entire lifetime to prove that we will never return to our old ways, however, this mighty change of heart can happen in a moment of humility when we make the decision to change our ways.
Why “Repenting Daily” is Liberating
What a relief to discover we are having success with repenting even when we encounter the same sin again. We don’t feel ashamed or discouraged or feel the need to give up. We recognize that stumbling is part of the process of growing. We are natural men. We learn from our sins. We grow closer to the Savior as we access the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. We also recognize that the good we do is an indication that we are repenting, and we can rejoice in the good we do, not wallow in the bad we have done.
Preach My Gospel teaches, “Repentance is a lifelong process. God welcomes us back every time we repent.” “Every time we repent” doesn’t mean “every time we give up a sin.” It means every time we make a choice that brings us closer to Christ. Coming unto Christ is good news. This is delightful. This shouldn’t make us cringe. This should make us hold our heads high and embrace the world.
How “Repenting Daily” leads to “Real Repentance”
Repentance is not merely a change of behavior; it is a change of heart. Therefore, true repentance, where we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually means we have experienced a change of heart. Repenting daily can lead to a change of heart.
Perhaps we might find ourselves committing the same sin again, feeling guilty once again. However, as we examine our behavior, noting the difficulty we are having giving up the sin, we are forced to ask, “why did I do what I did”? We notice patterns. We ask, “what is it that keeps drawing me to this particular sin?” In virtually every case there will be an underlying thought or emotion that precedes a behavior.
For example, if we lost our temper and said something mean to a loved one, the behavior is the words we shouldn’t have said, but the emotion behind the harsh words may be lack of charity.
In another example, gossiping about a ward member may be the outward behavior, but underneath the words may be pride or envy. Noting the outward behavior alerts us to the underlying sin that we want to overcome.
Overcoming underlying sins such as pride, envy, coveting, lack of gratitude, entitlement, unrighteous judgement, resentment, gluttony etc. will be possible as we recognize that the variety of sinful behaviors we commit on a daily basis likely have the same underlying emotion. As we overcome the underlying emotion we become more Christ-like and less likely to ever commit the same sin again. Our desire to sin is gone. Our heart is changed.
How do we Identify Underlying Emotions?
As mission leaders we often found that once they arrived in the mission, the missionaries began to recognize sins they didn’t even know they had. Because they were now in an environment where the spirit was strong, it was more apparent when they entertained thoughts that didn’t belong in that environment. In this spiritual environment the spirit was able to get through to them. They were often shocked to discover the error of their ways.
Although sinful behavior is easy to recognize, recognizing the underlying emotions is not always as easy. If we are steeped in rationalization or justification, we won’t recognize our sin. When we stand in holy places the spirit will help us recognize our sins. As we attend sacrament meeting and ponder during the sacrament, we put ourselves in position to have the spirit whisper the changes we need to make. The temple is another holy place where the spirit can teach and reveal what we need to change.
Standing with holy people also helps us recognize sin. Once I was asked to work in the kitchen to help celebrate the wedding of a member of our ward. The family had worked very hard to provide a lovely menu. However, keeping trays filled, and cleaning up messes was a big job. There was another woman working in the kitchen was who not pleased with the assignment. She complained endlessly about the family’s lack of planning, their refusal to hire professionals, the difficulty of preparing the food. Fortunately, a third kitchen worker brought the spirit into the room. She said wonderful things about the family, the bride’s worthiness, the family’s ability to live within their means, and the creativity of the menu. The grumbler was touched by this woman’s charity. Her conscience was pricked and the next time I performed service with her she came with an entirely different attitude. She was delighted to serve.
Repentance is the process of coming closer to Jesus Christ. We come closer to Christ as we become more like him. We become more like him when we think like He does and when we act like He does. When we exercise compassion, when we forgive an offense, when we reach out to others we are repenting daily.
JeaNette Goates Smith is a retired Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Licensed Marriage Therapist. She and her husband served as mission leaders in the Dominican Republic from 2017-2000. For more information go to www.smithfamilytherapy.org.
