Editor’s note: Because this film is rated R, we normally would not review it, but since the premise of the film is about two sister missionaries who are caught in the carefully devised trap of an atheistic sociopath and are themselves depicted so egregiously, we inform you as a warning. This film not only portrays missionaries in a false way, but endangers them. 

Heretic is a boring movie that feels like watching a rejected lecture on atheism.

The film opens up to two missionaries, the naive Sister Paxton, and the worldwise Sister Barnes. They discuss the pornography they watch and the anatomy of male acquaintances.

Before following up on a referral to see “Mr. Reed,” Sister Paxton’s skirt is pulled down, and she is mocked for her “magic underwear.”

You might think Mr. Reed is the bad guy. After all he kidnaps and psychologically tortures the missionaries. But this movie really likes Mr. Reed. He is the smartest character in the movie, is oh-so-charming, and the screenplay goes out of its way to tell you that Mr. Reed never forced anyone to do anything.

He has concocted a plan to trick the sister missionaries into coming into his house and locking them in so he can tell them everything that’s wrong with religion. In order to work around the missionary’s safety regulations, his plan is elaborate and defies believability.

At first, he tells the missionaries that he sees dignity in religion, but he doesn’t maintain the facade for long. That’s when the lecturing really starts.

The movie feels like the writers want you to be thinking about Mr. Reed’s assertions about religion, but his thoughts are so simplistic that their only possible appeal is to those who already hate religion and just want to cheer along. Anyone who says the movie made them think, or they left with some “good questions” clearly hasn’t given religion any serious thought before.

In the end, the film is simply nihilistic.

I’m not likely to ever truly love a nihilistic film. I believe the world is too full of meaning. But you can make a nihilistic film well, such as No Country for Old Men or Taxi Driver. These films can engage insights that help broaden the perspective of all who watch them; they don’t have to literally lecture you to get their point across.

Heretic wants you to consider it a think piece. But this isn’t a think piece; it’s revenge. The film feels like one of the writers got turned down when he tried to make a pass at a sister missionary, and wanted to get back at her. So they made up imaginary missionaries who they could make do whatever they want. They then put sexualized words into their mouths, literally stripped them of their clothes, mocked their religion, forced them to listen to their half-informed lectures over and over and over again, and then made them abandon their faith by the end. This isn’t a movie so much as a petty voodoo doll. These missionary caricatures are an insult to real missionaries. This movie is gross, but not gross in a way where you have to see it to believe it, just gross like a two year old eating with their mouth open—just better to turn away.

If this film was worth watching, it would be exploitative. But I suppose, thankfully for everyone, it’s too boring to be worth watching.

As a movie critic, I can acknowledge a (very) few minor artistic successes. The production design is above average. Hugh Grant is compelling as Mr. Reed. But Sophie Thatcher and Chloe East who play the two sister missionaries are in over their heads. Their performances simply don’t have the weight or nuance necessary to carry the plot to the degree required. But the main artistic failing here is how poorly paced the film is because of the directors’ need to keep interrupting themselves so that they, through Mr. Reed, can lecture you about their beliefs.

For the many Latter-day Saints who read this magazine, I’m sorry this film was made about you. The constant talk about “magic underwear” is crass. For the many who have served as sister missionaries, I’m sorry your caricature has been paraded around to satisfy some voyeuristic fantasies about you. You deserve better.

Go watch Lost on a Mountain in Maine, The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, or even HitPig!, you’ll feel better and it will be money better spent.

One half out of five stars. Heretic releases in theaters nationwide on November 8.