Mental Health Minute – Plan for the Best, Prepare for the Worst

When one young man was about to be released from prison, he had made plans to move to a certain city, paid the fee for and received relocation approval, his family had reserved a place to live, and he had a job set up. Then, three days before his release, the relocation approval was revoked. The county where he had committed his crime wanted him released to their county so they could monitor his compliance with probation rules for 12 months before approving relocation to a different county. He was devastated, crushed, and angry. Group members offered sympathy and solutions.

One solution was to create a back-up plan. Your family, even on this short notice, can help find a place to live and a place to work. Your family is already giving you emotional and financial support. You have already committed to comply with probation rules. And you have committed to yourself and to us that you will never do anything to return to prison. How can you make your back-up plan work? To give additional perspective, an older group member said, “I’ve got 14 years more on my sentence. I would trade places with you in a heartbeat!” Other group members reminded him that any bad day on the outside is always better than a good day on the inside.

How often do we overreact when things don’t go our way? How much calmer would we be if we had a backup plan? How much less anxiety would we have if we plan for the best and prepare for the worst?

Here are four suggestions that can be helpful as we make plans:

1. Make plans, but don’t get upset at things outside your control. Have a backup plan. When my wife and I served a mission at BYU-Hawaii, we could rise in the morning to sunshine and blue skies. Another great day in this beautiful island paradise! But we always took an umbrella because there could be unexpected rain showers. We had a backup plan. And we used it often. We learned that frequent rain is what makes Hawaii wonderfully green! [Note: Right now we are praying for all those affected by the extensive rains and flooding.]
2. Prepare well, envision success, rehearse your plan. If things don’t go according to plan, go to plan B, or plan C. Don’t get discouraged. Be flexible. When Nephi and his brothers failed twice to obtain the plates of brass from Laban, Nephi did not give up. He learned to trust the Lord and went “being led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do.” (1 Nephi 4:6). And the Lord helped him obtain the plates of brass.
3. Ask, “What is the worst that can happen?” and plan your response. What if we plan a date, or a wedding, a trip, or a reunion, etc. and things don’t go well, our backup plan doesn’t work, and we must simply live through the experience. Instead of becoming devastated, crushed, or angry, how can we transform the situation into a learning experience? 
4. Trust in the Lord’s plan and stay true to your covenants. If things don’t work out, maybe there is a greater blessing and a more important plan than our own. When Joseph of Egypt was sold into slavery by his brothers, he could have dreamed of retribution, he could have given in to the tempting invitation of Potiphar’s wife, he could have become angry when he was thrown into prison for fleeing from the tempting invitation of Potiphar’s wife. Yet, he trusted the Lord and stayed true to his covenants. The greater blessing and the fruition of the more important plan came 22 years later! When Joseph revealed himself to his brothers, he said ” 5 Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life… 7 And God sent me before you to preserve you a posterity in the earth, and to save your lives by a great deliverance. 8 So now it was not you that sent me hither, but God… ” (Genesis 45:5, 7-8). 

In all of our planning, we can learn to have faith in and trust the Lord even in times of uncertainty and testing. Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught: ” … never doubt the reality of faith. You will gather the fruits of faith as you follow the principles God has established for its use.”¹

Elder Scott shared these principles which can apply to our planning:

“Trust in God and in His willingness to provide help when needed, no matter how challenging the circumstance.”

“Obey His commandments and live to demonstrate that He can trust you.”

“Be sensitive to the quiet promptings of the Spirit.”

“Act courageously on that prompting.”

“Be patient and understanding when God lets you struggle to grow and when answers come a piece at a time over an extended period.”

May the Lord continue to bless us as we plan and prepare and trust Him in this beautiful mortal experience!

Footnotes

1. Scott, Richard G., The Sustaining Power of Faith in Times of Uncertainty and Testing, General Conference April 2003.

Mid-Singles and the Mid-Life Crisis

At age 38, I thought I had the world by the tail. I had a beautiful family consisting of myself, a lovely wife, and two beautiful children. I had just built a beautiful custom home that overlooked the small rural town where we lived and out to Puget Sound. I was the owner of a law firm that I had started from scratch five years earlier. And I had been recruited to run for a seat on the Washington State Court of Appeals—a very prestigious and powerful judgeship. I was well thought of in the community I had moved to five years earlier, and in my profession. I was a young man in a hurry with a lot of energy and ambition.

I ran a great campaign but lost the election, which was followed relatively closely by the great recession that struck in 2008. Within three years, I lost my 15-year marriage, my beautiful home, my business, and the association of my children for a large portion of the year. I felt like I had lost everything I had spent my entire adult life trying to build. At age 40, I fell into a deep depression that lasted about five years.

During my long night of depression, I doubted things would ever get better. I had worked so hard for so many years to achieve what I had so far—only to see it slip away in a frightfully short period of time. I asked myself, “Why should I even try to get back to where I was? I could work another 10 years and just lose it all overnight again. This kind of thinking kept me stuck in the emotional mud and unable to believe good things could last for me. Because I seemed to be perpetually broke, I felt limited in my ability to move into a new relationship. As a Latter-day Saint, I wondered if anyone who I might want to marry would be reluctant to marry a divorced man. Perhaps most troublesome of all, I was emotionally depleted and did not feel I had the strength to overcome all the forces arrayed against me.

“Mid-life crisis” is the term we use to describe the disappointment and emotional turmoil that comes to many of us between 40 and 60 years old, when we realize that we don’t have unlimited time remaining to achieve our lives’ ambitions and, perhaps, we aren’t going to become president of the company or a Supreme Court Justice, live in a mansion, or make a groundbreaking scientific discovery. A divorced Latter-day Saint may be tormented by the idea that no other success can compensate for failure in the home. We may tell ourselves that we have not only failed at marriage but at life.

A Latter-day Saint who has never married may be grieving the hope that they would have their own children or build a life with a spouse in the springtime of their lives. Many say, “I always knew some Latter-day Saints got divorced but I never thought that would be me!” or “I always took for granted that I would get married as a young adult and never imagined I would be single into my 40s.” The loss of those long-held dreams is almost always extremely painful. I have seen many Latter-day Saints marry within weeks of ending a multi-decade marriage, who seem to be in a hurry to replace what they have lost as quickly as possible.

Often when Latter-day Saints experience these losses in the family realm, the damage to their self-esteem can easily spill over into other areas of life, such as career, and even in personal spirituality. A man who saw his role including the primary responsibility to provide for his family often feels like a failure if he struggled to provide, or if part of his wife’s dissatisfaction with the marriage included his failure to earn more or provide better. The stresses of temporal concerns can contribute to marital problems—and marital problems often contribute to depression, anxiety, and distractions that can contribute to worsening financial problems.

A woman who got married in her early 20s and stopped going to college or focusing on a career may feel genuinely terrified when she finds herself single at middle age and having to figure out how to support herself financially for the first time—which is its own kind of mid-life crisis. Many such women feel less valuable when they find that the market will not pay them very well for their experience over the last couple of decades. Many feel an urgency to re-marry quickly because they don’t know another way to find the financial support they need. But that kind of desperation for financial support may leave a person vulnerable to overlooking serious deficiencies in other areas important to marriage because she is so focused on having her financial needs met. Also, a woman looking for a “knight in shining armor” to rescue her from a financial mess is less attractive to the kind of man she may really prefer to be married to.

Between these common stereotypes lies a wide range of experiences—ways in which mid-life can quietly catch us off guard, stirring up spiritual unrest, self-doubt, anxiety, and even depression—and reminding us that time is limited, just as we begin to feel farther from our dreams than ever before.

If you are among the multitude of Latter-day Saint mid-singles who are in the throes of mid-life crisis, I have a few suggestions that can help you to navigate these challenges and come away happier and more fulfilled than ever before:

1. Let it go. You are at a time of life when you and those closest to you have made mistakes that have caused pain. Do the best you can to make amends for your part in causing the pain. But regardless of how others respond or whether they ever seek to make things right, do as Paul counseled and “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you“ (Ephesians 4:31-32). Holding on to conflict and pain will sap your strength. Let it go and you can move forward unencumbered by the injuries of the past.
2. Put God on the Throne. The reason I felt so hopeless during my mid-life crisis was that I thought solving the mounting pile of problems was all up to me, and I didn’t feel up to the task. You are middle-aged now and you have learned about your limitations. As the Levite Prophet Jahaziel said, “Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God’s” (2 Chronicles 20:15). Jesus also promised “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).The reason His yoke is easy and His burden is light is that he is on the other side of the yoke, and lending you His strength. Even when you feel all alone, help is coming. Pray in faith, knowing that He has a plan for you that is more glorious than you can imagine, and watch and wait for Him to show up in your life. Worrying and stewing about things you cannot control is soul-sucking and exhausting. You can “rest” when you allow yourself to believe that He is in charge and He wants to take care of you.
3. Remember that Life is not a race. When I was a younger man on my mission in Australia, I wanted to be the first person from my MTC group to be a senior companion, and then a trainer, and then a district leader, and then a zone leader. You get the idea. I was called to each of those positions in turn, relatively early in my mission. Several months ago, I heard that a missionary I knew who never became a trainer, district leader, or zone leader, had recently been released after twelve years as a stake president. I have never been ordained a high priest, which is honestly fine with me. Some of my law school classmates are retiring now. I have just re-built financially enough to have a good start on building a retirement. I am nowhere near ready to retire.Life has brought me the experiences I needed—which didn’t include being either a high priest or a stake president up to this point or retiring early. My path is unique and need not be compared to others. So, if you see your old high school sports rival pulling up to the class reunion in a Mercedez Benz, tell yourself it is ok. Let your life be your life, and understand that the experiences you dream of will come for you at the right time. Remember, “the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all” (Ecclesiastes 9:11).
4. Base your reevaluation on things that last. Middle age presents a unique opportunity to reevaluate the way you have lived in the past and determine what has worked for you and what has not. As the proverb says, “Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established” (Proverbs 4:26). So, ponder the path you have trod in the past and honestly evaluate what has worked and what practices or ideas you need to let go of. You are old enough to have experience, but young enough to have time left to implement what you have learned. As you strive to re-build your life, make your foundation on things that last, like the wise man who built his house on the rock (see Matthew 7:24). The intellectual fads of the moment will mostly die away. Money will eventually be eaten up by inflation. The new sports car and a bunch of temporary romantic flings are fleeting pleasures. What lasts? Prayer lasts. Your relationship with God lasts. The love of people who have truly chosen you lasts. “The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: but the word of our God shall stand for ever” (Isaiah 40:8).
5. Look at the advantages. You are old enough to know, but young enough to do. You have the advantages of experience and time ahead of you. This is the time when you will decide who you really want to be. As a young man, you may have liked the idea of working in your profession more than you liked doing the work. You may have tried a business or profession and liked the idea but found that your native skill set was better suited to something else. I do not recommend getting divorced. But if you are already in that position, you are free to try a new career or interest that may suit you better. You are free to try new hobbies and make new friends. Your mid-single life will be what you make it.
6. Get excited! Start a list of things you want to explore. What kind of people are you interested in dating? What romantic moments would you like to enjoy? What kind of experiences would you like to have? Would you take up painting or sculpting as a creative outset? Would you like to take up hiking or fishing or skydiving or skiing? Would you like to make a list of national parks you would like to explore over the next 5 years? Would you like to get together a group of single friends and take a cruise together? Be creative, use your imagination, and plan some adventures. You have an opportunity to reinvent yourself and live the rest of your life with more intention. If you chose to read this article, I think you are ready to choose an enthusiastic and hopeful approach to the rest of your life.

Mid-life, especially for Latter-day Saint singles, can be a season of deep introspection, unexpected loss, and emotional upheaval—but it can also be a time of powerful renewal. My journey of success, personal collapse, and spiritual rediscovery reflects a broader experience shared by many who find themselves navigating mid-life crisis alone. Rather than remaining mired in disappointment or fear, I encourage you to shift your mindset: to let go of bitterness, trust in God’s plan, abandon comparison, build on lasting values, and embrace the unique opportunities that come with experience and maturity. With faith, forgiveness, self-compassion, and a willingness to dream anew, mid-life can become not a decline, but a beginning—a time to reimagine one’s path with clarity, purpose, and hope.

Resource:

Intentional Courtship can help in this journey.

About the Author

Jeff Teichert, and his wife Cathy Butler Teichert, are the founders of “Love in Later Years,” which ministers to Latter-day Saint single adults seeking peace, healing, and more joyful relationships. They are co-authors of the Amazon bestseller Intentional Courtship: A Mid-Singles Guide to Peace, Progress and Pairing Up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Jeff and Cathy each spent nearly a decade in the mid-singles community and they use that experience to provide counsel and hope to mid-singles and later married couples through written articles, podcasts, and videos. Jeff and Cathy are both Advanced Certified Life Coaches and have university degrees in Family & Human Development. They are the parents of a blended family that includes four handsome sons, one lovely daughter-in-law, and two sweet little granddaughters.

Purchase Jeff & Cathy’s book Intentional Courtship:

https://amzn.to/3GXW5h1

Connect with Jeff & Cathy:

Website: http://www.loveinlateryears.com/
Podcast: https://anchor.fm/loveinlateryears
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/loveinlateryears
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/LoveInLaterYears
Instagram: http://instagram.com/loveinlateryears/
Email: [email protected]

Come, Follow Me for Sunday School: “If Ye Are Not One, Ye Are Not Mine”, Doctrine and Covenants 37-40

Cover image: Saints Move to Kirtland, by Sam Lawlor.

Anchored in Christ

A few years ago, Sister Sheri Dew spoke to our team at BYU. She shared a story from her life. Here is that story as published in an article about Sheri in the Deseret News:

[Sheri] was a star player in basketball-crazy Kansas at a tiny high school in Ulysses (population 4,000), averaging 23 points and 17 rebounds a game. She had a hook shot, a post-up move, a jump shot, and she could move under the basket to get free for shots.

“With all the modesty I can muster, I was good,” [Sheri] says. “I haven’t seen many girls who could play basketball at that age who were as good as I was.” But this was in the late ’60s and ’70s, when there were few opportunities for girls to play college basketball. She chose to attend BYU and planned to try out for the school’s basketball team.

On the day of tryouts, she reported to the Richards Building, opened the gym door a crack, peeked at the players inside and the confidence drained right out the bottom of her shoes. She couldn’t make herself step through the door. She thought she could work up her courage if she paced the hallway outside the gym for a while. She walked back and forth — for three hours.

She never did enter the gym. When the tryout ended, she walked slowly to her dorm, castigating herself for not having the guts to try out.

“It’s is one of my biggest regrets,” she says. “I’ve never gotten over it.”

Jump ahead to last autumn. BYU athletic director Elaine Michaelis, who coached the basketball team when Dew was a student, invited Dew to speak to the school’s female athletes. Dew told the above story for the first time in her life, one she hadn’t even confided to her family. Her point was that these athletes were doing something she had wanted to do, but lacked the courage to try.

Afterward, Michaelis told Dew, “I remember my 1971 team really well. You know why? We played all season one player short. I tried to fill my roster, and I couldn’t. That year I was looking for a tall center who could post up.”

Sitting in her office, Dew finishes this story and says, “I felt as if I had been kicked in the stomach when she told me that. That was supposed to be my spot on the team. You mean out of 25,000 students they couldn’t find one girl who could fill that spot?!

“The truth is, nobody can take your place.”[i]

I think we all, at times, have had similar experiences in which we know there is something significant we can do in life, but for whatever reason we hesitate. Like Sheri, we look through the crack in the door of our opportunity or calling, and decide not to step through. Sometimes we are afraid, afraid of failing, afraid of what others may think or just plain intimidated; but in the end we wish we had made a different decision.

The challenge is that we have to make decisions without clarity and without seeing the end from the beginning.

Mark Twain once said, “Good decisions come from experience.  Experience comes from making bad decisions.”

Wouldn’t it be great if we could make important decisions in life by seeing the end from the beginning?  We would make better decisions. But the truth is, we don’t possess a crystal ball and even if we did, it would fight against the plan of salvation which requires that we act on faith and make decisions to help us learn by our own experience.

Faith to Move to Ohio

In December of 1830, the saints were living in several major locations including Colesville, Fayette and Seneca county, and Palmyra/Manchester.  Saints from these areas would eventually join a newer-yet-growing group of saints in Kirtland Ohio. Literally every member of the church was new. The church itself was new. The patterns of worship and ways members supported each other in the gospel were new to many people. The Lord wanted the saints to have strength together.

Even more, persecution was mounting. And the saints in small numbers were often overwhelmed by the opposition. In D&C 38:31,32 he says, “That ye might escape the power of the enemy, and be gathered unto me a righteous people, without spot and blameless…ye should go to the Ohio….”

Many saints were left looking through a small crack in the door of their future in order to make the decision as to whether they would move. They had only heard about Ohio—which was on the edge of the American frontier in many ways. They would be leaving homes they had built, friends they had made, and a way of life they were used to living.  Even more, 1830 is not like 2021. In 1830, any degree of comfort you achieved was often hard fought for and won. They would be leaving their comfort.

Moving to a new place meant building homes, forgoing comforts, facing the brutality of the elements, and knowing that there was work, a lot of hard work ahead of you. There was the reality that many could lose money on the sale of property if they could sell it at all.  There were real risks not only in terms of loss of property or wealth, but also in terms of loss of life.

In section 38, the Lord shares the purpose of the move to Ohio and perhaps the gifts that those who were obedient would find as a result:

• Learn to esteem your brother as yourself
• Be one with each other
• Become a righteous people
• Practice virtue and holiness before the Lord
• The riches of eternity
• Be endowed with power from on high

Who wouldn’t move in exchange for the riches of eternity or the chance to make temple covenants?  If a move would help you become more righteous and virtuous, it would be worth it right?  But the saints at the time, couldn’t fully see or understand temple covenants or what it meant to be endowed with power.  So, they had to make their decision with a limited view.

So, how do we make better decisions even when we can’t see the end from the beginning?

Elder Scott shared several principles to help us:

“The first principle: Place the Savior, His teachings, and His church at the center of your life. Make sure that all decisions comply with this standard….  [By doing so, the] whole course of your life may be altered for your happiness and the Lord’s purposes.

The next principle: Recognize that enduring happiness comes from what you are, not from what you have.  Real joy comes from righteous character, and that is built from a pattern of consistent righteous decisions…. For happiness now and throughout your life, steadfastly obey the Lord, no matter what pressure you feel to do otherwise.”[ii]

When we follow the Savior, no matter what, we find real joy that comes from a righteous character. When we place the Savior and his teachings at the center of our life, we anchor our life in Him.

President Nelson said it best,

“When your greatest desire is to let God prevail, to be part of Israel, so many decisions become easier. So many issues become nonissues! You know how best to groom yourself. You know what to watch and read, where to spend your time, and with whom to associate. You know what you want to accomplish. You know the kind of person you really want to become.”[iii]

When our first decision in life is to anchor ourselves to the Lord Jesus Christ, we avoid the confusion that often comes our way in typical decision making.

Anchored in Christ

Moroni wisely said, “Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.”[iv]

Anchoring in Christ and his gospel makes us and our decisions sure and steadfast. Anchoring in the right or wrong way is common in decision making.  Psychologists call it anchoring bias.

Anchoring bias is this:  When people are making a decision, they often use an anchor or focal point whether they realize it or not. Psychologists have proven that we tend to rely too heavily on the first piece of information we learn and this creates a subsequent bias in our decision making.

“For example, imagine that you are buying a new car. You read online that the average price of the vehicle you are interested in is $27,000 dollars. When you are shopping at the local car lot, the dealer offers you the same vehicle for $26,500, which you quickly accept—after all, it’s $500 less than what you were expecting to pay. Except, the car dealer across town is offering the exact same vehicle for just $24,000, a full $2,500 less than what you paid and $3,000 less than the average price you found online.”[v]

Likewise, anchored in the view of the world rather than the view of testimony,

some saints were not inclined to move to Ohio. Some claimed “Joseph Smith invented it to deceive the people and enrich himself.  John Whitmer wrote in his history that this claim arose because the hearts of the Saints ‘were not right in the sight of the Lord, for they wanted to serve [both] God and man.’”[vi]

In our life when we get some savings in our bank, a secure job, and find a level of security or comfort, we often are tempted to place our anchor and trust in worldly things. We no longer need to pray for everyday necessities.  In this state, if we aren’t careful that security can serve as our anchor rather than security in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Anchoring in truth and in Christ helps us to avoid anchoring bias in our decision making.  By anchoring in Christ, we eliminate many of the small decisions that come our way.  Small decisions about whether we will follow Christ have already been decided.  So, we have less confusion in our life.  By anchoring in Christ, we measure all things relative to Him, the source of truth and we are less likely to be deceived.

But even if we are anchored in Christ, we must make decisions on faith. “We do not always receive inspiration or revelation when we request it,” said Elder Dallin H. Oaks. “Sometimes we are delayed in the receipt of revelation, and sometimes we are left to our own judgment. We cannot force spiritual things. … Our life’s purpose to obtain experience and to develop faith would be frustrated if our Heavenly Father directed us in every act, even in every important act. We must make decisions and experience the consequences in order to develop self-reliance and faith.”[vii]

When we are anchored in Christ, we have His help to navigate the roads of life after we’ve made the best decisions we can.  His help and the guidance of the Holy Ghost will help us through life’s necessary course corrections.

Avoiding the Cares of the World

In January 1831, Joseph Smith received a revelation directed to James Covel, a reformed Methodist minister. Covel for a short period of time, showed interest in the church (recorded in D&C 39 & 40.

Covel while drawn to the principles and teaching of the gospel, was unable to change his life to live the life of a disciple of Christ. In explaining why, D&C 40 explains that Covel didn’t follow the call because of “fear of persecution, and the cares of the world.”

Many of us have not fully heeded calls that have come our way because of fear or cares of the world, and can probably relate in some ways to Covel.  Fear and cares of the world are two of Satan’s best and most often used tools.

Perhaps he cared about his reputation. Covel was a well-known minister within the reformed Methodist movement in upstate New York.  He had established himself in his community, purchased property, practiced medicine, performed marriages and preached. A few of Covel’s sons also became Methodist ministers.

Perhaps he was afraid of the effort required.  He was 60 years old and had an established reputation in his religious and community circles.

There may have been additional reasons:  Covel had been a minister for 40 years and the thought of a move to Ohio was difficult, he may have had established beliefs that were hard to change or the thought of leaving family and friends was too much.

Regardless, why was the revelation received and recorded in the Doctrine and Covenants?

Here are a few possible reasons:

1. To teach us that the Lord invites us, calls us and encourages us to make the right decisions. He extends his arm to all of us. He loves us individually and wants us to join Him.
2. We need to learn to not let fear or the cares of the world cause us to miss callings that come our way.

D&C 39 has played a role in my own decision making.

As a young father, I was in graduate school and about to graduate. My wife and I were facing the difficult decision of where to live and begin our career. We had fasted and prayed for many weeks without any resolution. We had job offers and deadlines to accept those offers.

One of the jobs I was considering was in Cincinnati, Ohio.  Both jobs were equally good. The pay and opportunity for growth similar. We wanted to make the right decision and we had to let the companies know the following day. I left my wife at home with our baby daughter and drove to the temple to seek some inspiration.

In between praying and thinking on the matter, I opened my Doctrine and Covenants and was reading a number of scriptures.  At one point, I opened the page to Section 39. I read verse 7:  “And now, behold I say unto you my servant James, I have looked upon thy works and I know thee.”  I read it again and put my own name in place of “James.”  I felt the Lord did know me.

Then, I kept reading and verse 9 says, “Thou hast seen great sorrow, for thou hast rejected me many times because of the cares of the world.”  And those words fit my life at the time.  In the previous few months, I had been so focused on my school work and trying to find a job, I hadn’t been as focused on the Lord as I should have.

It occurred to me that my prayers were all about worldly things.  What is the right job?  What would be best for my providing for my family?  And I had the sudden thought that I had not prayed which job or location would be the best for serving the Lord. I hadn’t placed as a priority where I could do his will.

I bowed my head and asked for forgiveness. I now prayed to learn where the Lord would have me live so I could best serve him and bless my family.  After this prayer, I kept reading.  Soon, I read verse 14. It says, “thou art not called to go into the eastern countries, but thou are called to go to the Ohio.”

At that point in time, I felt the Spirit tell me, that like James I was called to go to Ohio.  As I reflected on my previous thoughts about the job and city, it became clear that it was the right decision. Interestingly, at the same time my wife received similar inspiration from the Lord.

We left for our new home with the confidence that we were doing the Lord’s will.  There is nothing better than confidence in the Lord. I am so grateful that when we were far away from home as a young couple and faced challenges, we knew that the Lord had directed us there.

Not long after arriving in Ohio, I was called as a seminary and institute teacher. My wife and I served in many callings that allowed us to serve and grow.  When I reflect back on that today, my feelings of gratitude to the Lord for his guidance are overwhelming.  It is amazing how merciful and loving our Heavenly Father is to us. He has given us a source for strength and comfort.

Elder Oaks taught, “The cares and temptations of the world are very real to all, especially to those who have accepted the doctrines and made the covenants of the restored gospel. Prophetic teachings often run counter to the popular ideas and prejudices of the world. Church members must, therefore, take special care to avoid the mistake of James Covel, an early convert, who rejected the word and the way of the Lord because of ‘the fear of persecution and the cares of the world.’”[viii]

Elder Oaks taught that one of the most effective ways to push back against the cares of the world is to keep the Sabbath Day holy. “He who created us knows what patterns of behavior will allow us to achieve our maximum physical and spiritual performance, and He has given us commandments designed to guide us into that behavior. When we honor the Sabbath day, we separate ourselves from most of the world, but we are blessed richly for it.”[ix]

Keeping the sabbath day holy, breaks our weekly pattern and gives us time to pull away from the cares of the world.

It’s interesting to note that the Lord tells Covel in D&C 39:9 that he has had great sorrow in his life because he rejected the Lord because of cares of the world. The Lord knew James’ weakness and warned him. He also gave him a great promise and calling if he would change.

The Lord will show us our weakness and provide a way to overcome that weakness.  Ether 12:27 says, “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness.  I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

The principles of the gospel we learn from D&C 37-40 teach us the riches of heaven can be ours if we anchor in Christ, separate ourselves from the cares of the world, and decide to follow Christ and his prophet.  These principles protect us.

Elder Bednar said, “Learning, understanding, and living gospel principles strengthen our faith in the Savior, deepen our devotion to Him, and invite a multitude of blessings and spiritual gifts into our lives. Principles of righteousness also help us to look beyond our personal preferences and self-centered desires by providing the precious perspective of eternal truth as we navigate the different circumstances, challenges, decisions, and experiences of mortality.”[x]

So, as you read D&C 37-40, think about your own decision making and remember that when we anchor our lives, we gain power to look beyond our self-centered desires and make better decisions.

---

[i] Doug Robinson, Sheri Dew: Living the unexpected life, Deseret News, Oct 28, 2002.

[ii] Richard G. Scott, Making the Right Decisions, General Conference, April 1991.

[iii] Russell M. Nelson, Let God Prevail, Liahona, November 2020.

[iv] Ether 12:4.

[v] Kendra Cherry, How Anchoring Bias Psychology Affects Decision Making, VeryWellMind.com.

[vi] Gathering to Ohio, Church History in the Fullness of Times Student Manual, p. 89.

[vii] Dallin H. Oaks, Revelation, New Era, Sept 1982.

[viii] Dallin H. Oaks, Push Back Against the World, BYU-Hawaii commencement, Feb 2017.

[ix] Ibid.

[x] David A. Bednar, The Principles of My Gospel, General Conference, April 2021.

When God Says ‘Go’: Faith-Filled Guidance from a BYU Devotional

In his Tuesday morning devotional at the Marriott Center, Brother Gabriel W. Reid spoke about trusting God’s plan and actively participating in His work. He emphasized that revelation is essential in this process.

“Once you receive and recognize revelation, the questions arise: What will you do with it? How will you respond?” he said.

Brother Reid, Second Counselor in the Sunday School General Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, emphasized the importance of faith-driven action. He encouraged listeners to “go to work and build,” drawing on a phrase found in Ether 2:16, in the Book of Mormon.

“These three words resonate deeply with me, and I believe they can serve as a pattern for the way we respond to revelation and guidance from the Lord,” he said.

Brother Reid taught that this includes going where the Lord calls, working diligently and allowing God to shape and build your life. 

“When the Lord commands us to ‘go,’ it is always with a purpose,” Brother Reid said. “His direction is intentional, leading us toward growth, greater faith and blessings — even though sometimes the destination is unknown to us.”

Brother Reid reflected on his personal experience as a freshman at BYU, initially hesitant about serving a mission but ultimately following divine promptings. He decided to “go in faith.”

He taught that working diligently is “at times seen as something to avoid, but the gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us that work is a blessing!”

Brother Reid emphasized that through challenges, sacrifices and unexpected detours, he and his family learned that God was preparing them for a greater purpose.

“Trust that the Lord has a plan,” Brother Reid said. “He knows your desires, your goals, your hopes. If He prompts you to move forward in faith, go with courage. Work at it with all your heart, mind and strength. Trust that the Lord is building you.”

VIDEO: Is There Any Hope Left in the World?

Life can feel heavy, and the path ahead may seem unclear, but you are never walking it alone. God sees you.

He knows the silent battles you fight and the dreams you hold close to your heart. He is there, guiding you forward, giving you the strength to rise. Move forward with faith, trusting in Him. There is so much more ahead than you can see right now.

“Even when you might feel you are alone, you are not. Because he is always there, you are not alone.” —Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf

VIDEO: Jesus Christ Knows Your Pain

Even in the face of overwhelming pain, there is peace in Christ. Christ’s love is infinite, and His understanding of our struggles is perfect. In Him, we can find healing, hope, and strength to carry on. No matter what we face, turning to Him allows us to feel His peace and see His hand in our lives. His guidance transforms our perspective and fills us with light.

“Knowing that all of these things—all of the pain, all of the heartache, all of the struggle—He really knows. Because He knows, He can give us comfort during those really hard times.” — Emilee Pehrson

What’s Your Joy Level?

It is easy to get swallowed up in bad news. There are abundant opportunities to be gloomy. Ingrown toenails. Lack of rain. National contention. Family challenges. Inflation. Egg shortages. There is plenty to worry and fret about. We can start living in a cloud of anxiety.

I don’t want to dismiss legitimate concerns. In this world, we are all besieged by aches, pains, disappointments, and tragedies. Yet I would like to put our lives in perspective.

Imagine that you are walking the dusty trails of Palestine with Jesus as your companion. As you walk along with aching feet and gnawing hunger, you know that life is good because you are with Him. He can answer the treacherous questions of the local Pharisees, heal the pleading leper, calm the troubled seas, and even raise the dead. He can even feed the 5,000. Life is truly good with Him.

He still can. He still does.

Another way to put our lives in perspective: Almost everyone who reads this article enjoys better shelter than kings of past centuries as well as more abundant and better food than almost anyone in the history of the world. While food prices have recently risen painfully, we now spend about 11% of our disposable income on food compared to 40% in 1900. For large parts of human history, the bulk of every day was spent finding enough food to survive. And many people were still hungry and malnourished.

Compare our transportation in cars and airplanes with travel of previous eras.

We complain about the cost or availability of medical care, yet many of us are alive today because of modern medicine.

Of course, a focus on comfort and convenience misses the point. While we arguably have better lives than 90-something percent of the people who have lived on this planet, we have something far more important. We live with purpose. We have a deep assurance that God loves us and has prepared an eternal life for us that is beyond imagination! He is our Father and fully intends to bless us with all the blessings we are willing to receive.

Maybe we are like lottery winners who complain that we must drive all the way to the bank to deposit our winnings.

Why aren’t we rejoicing every minute of every day? It is easy to be so absorbed with mortal irritations that we forget to rejoice.

Neal Maxwell quoted Malcolm Muggeridge.

I feel so strongly at the end of my life that nothing can happen to us in any circumstance that is not a part of God’s purpose for us.  Therefore we have nothing to fear, nothing to worry about except that we should rebel against His purpose and that we should fail to detect His purpose in things and fail to establish a relationship with Him.  On that basis there can be no black despair, no throwing in of our hand.

You know it’s a funny thing but when you are old as I am there are all sorts of extremely pleasant things that happen to you.  The pleasantest thing of all is that you wake up in the night at about, say, 3 a.m. and you find that you are half in and half out of your battered old carcass.  It seems quite a toss up whether you go back and resume full occupancy of your mortal body or make off toward the bright glow you see in the sky, the lights of the city of God.  In this limbo between life and death you know beyond any shadow of doubt that as an infinitesimal particle of God’s creation you are a participant in God’s purpose and that His purpose is loving not hating, is creative not destructive, is everlasting and not temporal, is universal and not particular.  With this certainty comes an extraordinary sense of comfort and joy.  Nothing that happens in this world need shake that feeling.  All the happenings in this world including the most terrible disasters and suffering will be seen in eternity as in some mysterious way a blessing, as a part of God’s love.  We ourselves are a part of that love and only insofar as we belong to that scene does our existence have any meaning at all.  The necessity of life is to know God.  Otherwise our mortal existence is no more than a night in a second class hotel.

“The necessity of life is to know God.” Yes! When we are friends with our beloved Father and His faithful Son, we feel profound reassurance. We feel a peace that passes understanding. We feel a confidence that waxes strong.

President Howard W. Hunter challenged us.

Doom, and Discouragement are not an acceptable view of life for a Latter-day Saint. However high on the charts they are on the hit parade of contemporary news, we must not walk on our lower lip every time a few difficult moments happen to confront us.

I want to say to all within the sound of my voice tonight that you have every reason in this world to be happy and to be optimistic and to be confident. Every generation since time began has had some things to overcome and some problems to work out. Furthermore, every individual person has a particular set of challenges that sometimes seem to be earmarked for us individually. We understood that in our premortal existence. Prophets and apostles of the Church have faced some of those personal difficulties. I acknowledge that I have faced a few, and you will undoubtedly face some of your own now and later in your life. When these experiences humble us and refine us and teach us and bless us, they can be powerful instruments in the hands of God to make us better people, to make us more grateful and more loving, to make us more considerate of other people in their own times of difficulty. Yes, we all have difficult moments individually and collectively, but even in the most severe of times, anciently or modern, those problems and prophecies were never intended to do anything but bless the righteous and help those who are less righteous move toward repentance. God loves us and the scriptures tell us he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. [John 3:16–17]

When our friendship with Jesus is such that we feel we are walking the dusty trails of life with Him at our side, we feel peace.

Henry Ward Beecher observed that “the test of Christian character should be that a man is a joy-bearing agent to the world.” May we be so filled with Jesus and His good news that we radiate joy to all the world!

Invitation: Nancy and I continue to serve a Syrian refugee family here in Cache County. Mom and Dad are working hard to support their four children. But they are burdened by dental and medical needs from the poor care they received for ten years while in Jordan after fleeing the war in Syria. If you would like to make a difference for an amazing family with big challenges, we welcome your donations. Every penny you donate will be used to help this dear family. Venmo: @HWallace-Goddard

What is Radical Dependence on God?

As a missionary serving in Adelaide in the mid-1990s, it often felt like trials were significant. While not common, physical confrontations occurred. Several companions were pushed off porches, we were occasionally threatened with physical violence, and we had eggs thrown at us, helmets smashed, or even – in one case – a companion was spat on by a passer-by.

The days were hot. The work was hard. In some areas there were few meals provided for us. For 19-year-olds, the trials felt significant. We regularly leant on a scripture for comfort – one familiar to Latter-day Saints everywhere.

While imprisoned in the ironically named ‘Liberty Jail’, the Lord spoke to Joseph Smith and enumerated unbearable trials. He concluded:

And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

“Shall be for thy good.” With our limited view, these things do not look like they are for our good. Nietzsche’s “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is our world’s secular equivalent of Jesus’ gentle rebuke of Joseph Smith’s complaining as he suffered in prison. The scriptures repeat this theme:

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God.

D&C 90: 24 Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another.

“All things work together for your good.”

Missionary trials seemed big at the time, but I could see how those things could work together for my good. Yet as I’ve lived my life, I’ve encountered challenges and struggles where this is hard to comprehend. And so have those I love.

• Some years ago, a daughter chose to vacate covenants and abdicate our faith. Kylie (my wife) and I grieved profoundly and found her decision to be one of the hardest things we had experienced in our lives to that point. (We are grateful that after many years, she returned to faith and activity.)
• All five of my siblings turned their backs on the Gospel and the Church.
• Some years ago, a business deal that went poorly cost me a large sum of money and several years of both growth and earnings – setting me back as much as a decade in terms of financial earnings and security. And I have watched several people I care for lose their livelihoods as businesses have gone under, jobs lost, and financial resources obliterated.
• Several friends and relatives experienced abuse and/or painful relationship challenges, resulting in divorce – and broken hearts and trauma for them and their children.
• A beloved friend of mine and his wife had 20 miscarriages in their efforts to have a child.
• And last year, on November 6, my nephew, Logan – aged 20 – took his own life.

“All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good”?

“All things work together for good to them that love God”?

These things don’t feel good. They are undoubtedly giving me (and all of us who face challenges) experience. That part – no argument. But working together for our good?

It can sound a touch tone-deaf to suggest to someone going through these trials that “all these things shall give thee experience and shall be for they good.” Mention it on the wrong day – with the very best of intentions – and it could rupture your relationship with the person you’re trying to console.

How does a suicide work together for my good? Or for the good of my parents – Logan’s grandparents – who found him on that dreadful morning. Or for my daughters – his cousins – struggling to understand that he is not with us anymore?

Yet the promise from the King of the Universe is that the billowing surge or the jaws of hell opening up in our face is working “for our good”? That’s the promise.

As I have struggled and wrestled with both life and this idea, I offer two answers that may provide comfort. And if you’re struggling as I have (and do), I hope they do provide comfort. But I recognise that in times of deep pain, they may not.

1. Experiment on radical dependence 

Consider Laura Story’s song, Blessings.

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep.
We pray for healing, for prosperity.
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

My friend whose wife grieved 20 miscarriages explained the revelation he experienced. It was a simple question: “Do I trust God?”

So, do we? Trust God? When things are awful and terrible, do we throw ourselves on the merits of Him who is mighty to save?

Or do we become embittered, shaking our fist at Heaven and screaming “why?”

Do we turn away from Jesus – Sweet Jesus, our Saviour… the one who saves us?

Alma the younger was going about to “destroy the Church of God”. An angel appeared and told him to repent, or he would be destroyed. He collapsed and was near death for three days. At this time of great alarm, he remembered his Father’s teaching about our dependence on Jesus and his “mind caught upon this thought” and he cried within his heart in Alma 36:

O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.

And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.

And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!

Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy. (Alma 36:18-21)

We can experiment on radical dependence. In our western psychological traditions, we prize independence rather than dependence, particularly as we mature. We want to be self-reliant. We want to have self-esteem. We chase self-discovery and self-actualisation. We believe in self-expression. We’re big on self-improvement.

These things are often in opposition to dependence. The great irony is that as we experiment on radical dependence on God, we will likely gain every one of those things.

In the Church we often use the phrase “spiritual self-reliance”. My not-so-subtle response to that is to chafe. To me it’s a lie. It’s a misunderstanding. Self, self, self. We’re obsessed with self and our abilities. But Jesus wants us to let go of self and lean on Him. The economy of Heaven is that as we lose our lives and let go of self, we find our lives – and our self.

I know some people will say “I prayed. Nothing happened. My family still left the Church. Or I still lost my job. Or my marriage still broke down.”

Perhaps you’ve spent long hours on your knees. You’ve petitioned Heaven. “God help me”. And there’s been no revelation like Section 122. But consider what happened with Alma. In his pleading there was no vision. Rather,

…my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!

Yea, I say unto you… that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you… that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.

Perhaps you’ve also had that moment, in your pleading, where – seemingly out of nowhere, and even though you’ve had no idea what you’re supposed to do – you’ve had a different kind of revelation; the kind that speaks peace to your soul. Perhaps you’ve felt that warmth, comfort, assurance. After all, He is the Prince of Peace.

Jesus went through everything any of us every went through – and he didn’t do it for His good. He did it for our good. He descended below all. Him and Him alone. Forsaken. Left alone. And He did it. Our pains are for a short time. Our sorrows won’t last. And we have hope because of – and through – Him! How grateful I am for Him!

2. One step enough

We are here to learn to become like God. Hard things teach us this in ways that an easy life cannot. Learning to love and forgive those who do us harm. None of us want that PhD—the one in darkness, sorrow, and pain. Yet this is the demand of discipleship.

As we become better disciples through our hardship, we learn to have compassion. Alma 7:11-12 describes how Jesus didn’t just suffer for our sins, but for “the pains and sicknesses of his people”.

Joseph Smith taught: “The nearer we get to our Heavenly Father, the more are we disposed to look with compassion on perishing souls— we feel that we want to take them upon our shoulders and cast their sins behind our backs.”

Our suffering can make us better disciples. More compassionate. More willing to see others’ suffering and desire to “mourn with those that mourn, comfort those who stand in need of comfort” (Mosiah 18:8-9).

Lead Kindly Light is a hymn by John Henry Newman – one that has brought profound peace to me through the years, and it describes the epitome of discipleship. Newman was an English priest on a pilgrimage of sorts. As he travelled through Italy he began questioning his Catholic faith. This caused anxiety about his career and his relationships. Around this time, he also became ill and determined that he should return home. His illness progressed. He was concerned he would die. And then… the ship he was traveling on was becalmed. He was almost certain death would visit him imminently. In that gloomy circumstance, he wrote:

Lead kindly light ‘mid the encircling gloom. Lead thou me on

The night is dark, and I am far from home. Lead thou me on.

We too are far from home. The dark night of the soul can feel oppressive. Suffocating. All-encompassing.

Newman experimented on dependence. He threw himself on the grace and goodness of Jesus. “Lead thou me on.”

Keep thou my feet. I do not ask to see the distant scene.

One step enough for me.

And then he asked only that God’s light would illuminate his next step. The one step, he assured God, would be enough for him to stay on the path. Seeing the distant scene became unnecessary. His faith would sustain him if only he knew the way he should go.

This is radical dependence. And this is what the “one step enough” principle teaches us.

As I trace the trauma and adversity that life’s crucible has served me, I have found that I don’t always have answers to “why?”. But I know that experimenting on dependence and not asking to see the distant scene have – in time – given me experience and worked together for my good.

I still don’t know the distant scene. I read about it. I sing about it. Our worship points to it. Our theology and doctrine make promises about it. I have faith in its celestial beauty because of my hope in a Saviour who will literally make all things new, who is the high priest of good things to come, who will save me in my sorrow and pain, and who will ultimately redeem. And so, I trust that one step is enough for me – and hope you’ll take that one next step on the pathway Home too.

Dr. Justin Coulson is a family scholar and a member of the Sunshine Coast Australia Stake. He and his wife, Kylie, are the parents of six daughters and one granddaughter. You can hear him at: https://www.ldsliving.com/all-in/justin-coulson-how-might-jesus-parent-summer

How Faith can Overcome Fear

Growing up in the church I was taught that faith and fear cannot coexist.  “Fear and faith cannot coexist in our hearts at the same time,” said Elder Neil L. Andersen (“You know Enough” Oct. Conference 2008). As a result of this teaching, I was ashamed when I felt fear.  I worried that if I felt fear it must mean that I didn’t have enough faith.  I worked hard to dismiss my fears, forcing myself to do lots of scary things.  I jumped off of 40-foot cliffs at Lake Powell, gave a talk in front of thousands of people and played the piano in front of members of the quorum of the twelve apostles.

As an adult, dismissing my fears has become more difficult.  Perhaps it’s easier to have faith when you’re a child because you haven’t yet seen a lot of bad things happen.  You are still in that adolescent stage of “I’m invincible—bad things can’t happen to me.”

As we grow older, we experience lots of scary things–family members getting hit by a car, dying of cancer, leaving the church.  It’s a lot harder to have the faith of a child when you have personally experienced life’s tragedies.  The realization becomes, “I am not invincible.  Bad things can happen to me.”

When we have genuine reason to fear, such as when a loved one faces a surgery that they may or may not survive, does that mean we lack faith?  Does that mean we are unfaithful?  Should I be ashamed because in such a situation I’m scared?  I still have a testimony.  I believe God is in charge and knows what He’s doing.  However, along with the faith that has sustained me since I was a child, I now recognize some fear.

In an effort to reconcile the faith vs. fear dichotomy I have learned some principles that have helped me feel worthy despite my fears.

Faith on a Continuum

I agree with Boyd K. Packer who said, “faith is the opposite of fear.”  I see faith at one end of a continuum and fear at the other, and I believe that depending on the circumstance we move along that continuum.  Sometimes we are closer to the fear end of the continuum and sometimes we are closer to the faith end of the continuum.  One philosopher said, regarding faith and fear that “one gives way to the other.”

I believe we can move closer to the faith end of the continuum when we ask ourselves two questions,

-what do I fear and

-whom do I fear?

If I fear speaking in front of a crowd, or if I fear playing the piano in public, perhaps the things I fear are the judgments of men.  I’m afraid they will ridicule my performance or disagree with what I say.  If I fear bearing my testimony or posting an inspirational quote online, once again, I probably fear the judgments of men.

We can move closer to the faith end of the continuum, chasing the fear from our hearts, if we choose to be more concerned about the judgments of God than the judgments of men.  God is generally more merciful than man anyway.  He knows when we are giving our best effort, and He is extremely compassionate when we make mistakes.  God’s judgments are right on-target whereas men’s judgments may be influenced by any number of prejudices.

When we disobey a commandment, more often than not, it is because we fear the judgments of men more than we trust the judgments of God.  We may fear disappointing someone we care about, or we fear they will “un-friend” us and therefore we end up disappointing God.  We can move closer to faith when we choose to care about God’s judgments more than man’s.

Faith in Ourselves

Moving towards faith becomes more challenging when, even though we trust God, we fear what God has in store for us.  We may have faith that God is in charge, and that he loves us and he wants the best for us.  However, we fear that the challenges he puts in our path will be too great for us to endure.

Consider families who have lost their mother, leaving a houseful of children motherless.  Consider an athlete who endures an accident, leaving him unable to perform, or even walk.  In such instances we might fear that we can’t cope with such extreme challenges.  We may fear that God expects more of us than we have the capacity to endure.

However, we demonstrate faith in God through our continued obedience, refusing to curse God as Job’s wife encouraged him to do (Job 2:9).  Our faith in our own ability to endure extreme trials grows when we rely on God to help us through.

The Savior, who experienced the greatest trial in the history of mankind, may have feared His abilities to complete the atonement, yet He trusted God’s plan (Luke 22:42). He had faith that His Father knew what He was doing.  With the help of the angel who was sent to bear Him up, Christ completed the most difficult task ever known (Luke 22:43).

Fear as a Part of Faith

One of my favorite images of faith comes from an Indiana Jones movie when Harrison Ford is standing at the edge of a cliff and he has to step off the cliff into what looks like an endless chasm below.  He has faith that there will be a path in front of him, one he can’t see at the moment, but one that will appear if he exercises faith.  Nevertheless, he doesn’t run out across the chasm with the certain knowledge that he won’t die.  He hesitates.  There is a chance he might be wrong.  His fear is manifest.  Maybe he’s 90% certain the path exists.  Maybe he’s 99% certain the path exists, but there’s always that nagging fear that he could be wrong.

This doesn’t mean he doesn’t have faith.  It means he doesn’t have knowledge.  He has moved far enough away from the fear end of the continuum that he is willing to step into the abyss, even though fear is still on the continuum.  Unless we have perfect knowledge we will all experience a little bit of fear even when we exercise faith.  There are some things about which we can gain a perfect knowledge, but lacking a perfect knowledge we must exercise faith, which comes with a percentage of fear.  If fear weren’t part of faith it would be called knowledge.

JeaNette Goates Smith is the author of four books on family relationships that can be accessed at www.smithfamilytherapy.org.  She and her husband, Bret, learned to exercise extraordinary faith while serving as mission leaders in the Dominican Republic from 2017 to 2020.

Eternal Thanks, Dear Stranger(s), for your Messy Garage

Every time I drive past anyone’s messy garage, Dear Sister-Out-There-Somewhere, I think of your simple story from more than a decade ago that has changed all of my prayers since. Oh how I needed your mention of your messy garage! Forgive me that I can’t remember your name, or where you spoke, or what your main topic was.

(From BYU? Women’s Conference? Internet Friends, can you help me find this source?)

As near as I can remember, you said something like this:

My garage has been a mess for many months now and it’s driving me crazy. I know how to clean it, and I’m dying to clean it.  But every morning when I wake up, I ask God: “What’s the most important thing to do today?” 

And so far, He’s never said, “Clean your garage!” 

I don’t remember anything else you said.  My brain that day immediately left on a tangent that went something like this:

I thought, “Wow!  You ask God every single morning to name the priority!?”

I want to do that.

For a long time, I pondered my own prayer patterns. I didn’t feel like my prayers were overly basic like the pattern we teach new members: just thanking and asking. I had many times pleaded for answers, for direction, for healing, and for help. I had poured out my frustrations to God, maybe even promising extra good behavior if only a certain blessing could arrive. On my mission of course we prayed daily to be led to receptive people.

But since leaving the mission field, especially as a young mother, I’m not sure how often I had laid down my endless to-do list and asked to be shown His priorities for my day. How often had I simply reported for duty and asked for marching orders?

“What is the most important way I can serve Thee today?”

“Who can I lift today?”

“Which child needs my attention the most today?”

“What is the order of operations today so that I focus on what matters most?”

So, in the many weeks and years since your talk, Dear Blessed Sister-Out-There-Somewhere, I’ve been trying to pray like that. Asking for God’s priority each morning has kept me from making drastic errors in my time use, my money expenditures, and my life focus. God almost always points to the people around me and then I see the tasks in the context of who cares most about them, and who is helped most by them.

To be clear, there actually have been many times that the Spirit has told me to prioritize housework. He has very frequently instructed me to stop scrolling on my phone and go do the dishes and laundry so that our home can function smoothly and my family can feel the Spirit instead of chaos. There have been quite a few times when cleaning out the garage WAS the most important thing to do that day—so that our kids could use their bikes; or so that we could park the cars inside before the snow came; or so that we could make room for the belongings of our departing missionary.

Some days my own garage just stays messy too, and I appreciate your solidarity with me in this. But another side of me actually loves to clean out the garage, and that’s the side of me that needed to hear you the most.

When I’m totally honest with myself, I know there are days when I hide behind respectable tasks like cleaning and organizing and home improvement. Completing those tasks feels measurable, and tangible. When they’re finished, I feel fresh, organized, and put together. I often clean or organize things that don’t matter to anyone else except me. (Let’s be honest, does anyone else even see fingerprints? Or the dust on the blinds? Or the back of my storage closet?)  And sometimes, I do those things when they really shouldn’t be the priority. With your simple story, Dear Sister, you gave me permission as a mother to leave tasks undone so that I can focus on more important things—namely the precious souls around me.

Sometimes it’s easier to tend my luxuries than to get out of my comfort zone and comfort someone else. Sometimes it’s easier to clean out the garage than it is to go ministering to new sisters. Sometimes it’s easier to clean out a kid’s closet than it is to nurture his heart. Sometimes it’s easier to wipe down the fridge than it is to volunteer to make a meal for someone. Sometimes it’s easier to declutter the toys than it is to get down and play pretend with the toddlers.

Dear Sister-Out-There-Somewhere, the neatest thing about your story is that you followed through!  You IGNORED what you wanted to do because you hearkened to the message that He needed you to do something else even more. You didn’t care if your neighbors would think less of you. You didn’t care if you personally would suffer inconvenience from the hassle of finding things later in the garage. You assigned yourself God’s errand.

I want to do that.

Thank you for this long lasting example which has taught me two other things as well.

First, when I see someone’s messy garage (or front room, or car, or office) I’m much more likely now to assume that they were working on God’s priorities. I don’t judge their organizational ability when I remember that maybe their “hearken-ability” exceeds my own. So thank you to all my readers today who put down their own organizing tasks (like garage cleaning) to staff Church callings, temple shifts, PTA projects, and other service opportunities that trickle back to bless me and my family.

Secondly, Dear Lady, you should know that I’ve quoted you to my kids, to my sisters, to my mom, to my neighbors, and to my ministering sisters at church. You’re a great example of how just being yourself (your consecrated self) was enough to impact strangers for generations.

As I’ve reflected on the impact of your 4-5 sentences in my life, my courage has grown about fulfilling my own Church callings.  Now when I give a lesson or talk, I know that it’s okay if my examples aren’t extraordinary, like seeing someone raised from the dead.  When I’m speaking in Church, most of the moms in the congregation aren’t even looking in my direction because they’re fishing under the bench for a lost puzzle piece or fruit snack wrapper—But that’s okay! Perhaps all they need is 4-5 sentences in which I describe my own efforts: that I’m imperfectly messy like everyone else, but that I’m trying to report for duty and follow God’s priorities for my life.

Thank you, Dear Sister-Out-There-Somewhere, for leaving your garage a mess and telling me about it.  And thank you to all other Friends out there with messy garages—because you were probably doing what God wanted most, and you left me that garage to remind me of what’s most important too.