Line upon Line

At age eighteen, I longed to serve a mission; however, at that point in time women were instructed that if marriage was a possibility, it should be their priority. I obeyed the counsel of the brethren, and at 20 years of age, I married Bret. My husband is a saint, and in the 43 years we have been married, I have never once regretted marrying Bret; however, I have regretted not serving a mission as a young girl, especially when Bret and I served together as mission leaders. In this role, I witnessed how sisters serving missions not only benefits the mission but benefits the young women themselves. Why then, when sisters serving has such positive results, were the young women who wanted to serve required to wait longer than the young men?

At the time that young men could leave at for their mission at age 19, young women couldn’t leave until they were 21 years old. When the age for young men to serve was lowered to age 18, missionary service for women was then lowered to age 19. Why are both elders and sisters now given the option of serving at age 18?

Priority: Marriage

During the years 70’s and 80’s, when the Equal Rights Amendment was being debated in Washington, D.C., the young women of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints were taught that their “mission” was to become wives and mothers. At that time, the average age for women to marry was 20 years of age. While it was possible to do both (serve at age 21 and marry after a mission), women were less inclined to postpone marriage until age 23 or older. In fact, at that time, less than 10% of the mission force were women. When the age for women to serve changed to 19, the percentage of young women serving rose to 35%.

The focus on marriage does not seem to be keeping young women from serving missions today. Today, the average age for women to marry is 28. In this day and age, nobody is perceived as an “old maid” if they are still single well into their 20’s. Today, young women today are encouraged to get all the education they can and are not considered disobedient if that means delaying marriage. Young women can in good conscience serve a mission and marry upon return.

More importantly, the church is now relying more on principle-centered learning, rather than practice-centered learning. Rather than having life’s decisions specified, young women are now encouraged to make their choices prayerfully, including when to serve and when to marry.

Lock your Heart

Many returned missionaries will remember the powerful “Lock Your Heart” talk that President Spencer W. Kimball gave on a Latin American Tour in 1968.

Remember you promised you’d do all the things the brethren request of you, to live the commandments. That’s one of the commandments when you go into the mission field: “Thou shalt not flirt! Thou shalt not associate with young women in the mission field – or anyone else for that matter – on any other basis than the proselyting basis. 

“You will not permit any impression, no romantic thought or impression in your mind. For two years you have given yourself to the Lord, totally, to teach the Gospel to the world.”

In consideration of this counsel, it’s possible that prohibiting young women from serving until they were 21 years, while young men could serve at age 19, reduced the likelihood of in-mission romances. Romance between elders and sisters was, and still is, not appropriate during a full-time mission. An in-mission romance distracts not only the couple who may focus more on their relationship than on teaching the gospel, but the drama can also distract the other missionaries. Although some missionaries meet their future spouse while on their mission, a focused missionary does not attempt to court the object of their desire while still on a mission.

In the United States, men are, on average, two years older than their wives. Because it was, and still is, less likely for a young man to be romantically interested in a young woman two years his senior, it was likely assumed that in-mission romances could be reduced with this large age gap.

However, we have learned that the likelihood of in-mission romances will more often be reduced with the trend toward principle-centered learning. Instead of creating a lengthy list of rules to keep elders and sisters from becoming romantically involved, leaders teach missionaries to focus on their purpose as missionaries, to believe in their purpose, and to choose to do everything possible not to become distracted from that purpose.

Since early marriages are not emphasized like they once were, and a focus on principles rather than practices reduces the likelihood of in-mission romances, it’s possible the age-gap between young men and young women serving was abolished simply because it no longer made sense.

The Blessing of Serving Sooner

Mission Leaders and missionaries alike will testify that sisters are a tremendous blessing in a mission. We found that with sisters in the mission, the elders act more mature, and they seem to seem to work harder. On top of that, there are friends the sisters can reach that the elders cannot. Clearly, sisters can effectively bring souls to Christ. But what about the sisters themselves? How does serving at a younger age bless the sisters?

Whatever the church’s reason for lowering the age when elders can serve to age 18 certainly applies to sisters. Many speculate that lowering the age when young people can serve eliminates the “gap year” that often occurs between high school and a mission. During this year, some young people choose to attend college. Some choose to stay home and earn money. Some may choose to travel, volunteer, or experience being away from home in some other way. At this time of life, it is natural for a young person to crave some independence because, technically, at age 18, they are adults. Their parents can’t legally tell them what to do. However, some young people dive into this newfound freedom recklessly and find themselves headfirst into a pile of trouble.

Young people who use their newfound freedom irresponsibly can find themselves faced with a grueling repentance process. Although repentance is real and highly recommended, sinning is certainly not the smoothest path to follow. A mission is a good way for a young person to be out from under the influence of his parents, yet still be surrounded by good influences that help him make responsible decisions.

A Ripe Old Age

When we were serving as mission leaders, our Area President gave us some counsel that greatly improved our success as a mission. He taught that young adults are at an impressionable time of life when they are deciding what to believe and who they want to become. It is an ideal time to introduce them to the person God intends them to become.

This truth applies to missionaries who have already chosen to live the gospel but perhaps are still seeking how well they want to live it. Perhaps they haven’t decided how righteous they want to be. Perhaps they haven’t decided to live their covenants completely, and to give their all to The Lord. At this vulnerable time of life, it is ideal to be within the influence of loving mission leaders who will guide them through the process of finding or solidifying their testimony. On a mission, they will have a variety of spiritual experiences that will strengthen their testimonies. The earlier in life this happens, the better.

The sooner a young person can make the decision about who he is and whose he is, the better his life will be. Ideally, this will happen well before he leaves on a mission; however, if a young person has a nascent testimony at age 18, a mission is the ideal place to solidify that testimony so that nothing can shake it.

Not only were the young friends our missionaries taught open-minded and seeking, but they had not yet made decisions that would preclude their baptism. For example, missionaries can only baptize people who are living the law of chastity. In many countries, couples choose to live together without getting married. To be worthy of baptism, an individual must live the law of chastity. If an individual wants to be baptized, they must be married. If an individual wants to marry so they are worthy for baptism, but the person they are living with doesn’t want to get married, that can rob them of the privilege of baptism. The alternative–leaving such a relationship– can be difficult if there are financial considerations or children involved. Therefore, if missionaries can find and teach a young person before they get themselves into a situation that restricts their choices, that person will be worthy of baptism.

This principle is true for the young people in the church. The brethren have warned that youth can get off the covenant path with “alarming rapidity.” When they choose to keep their covenants at a young age, they will not be in a position that makes it exceedingly difficult to be worthy of a mission. Assuring that they have every opportunity to be with holy people and in holy places can save their spiritual lives.

JeaNette Goates Smith is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the author of four books on family relationships. She and her husband, Bret, served as mission leaders in the Dominican Republic from 2017-2020. More information can be found at www.smithfamilytherapy.org