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There were twenty-six of them: thoughtfully chosen New Year’s resolutions, painstakingly typed on pristine white paper, then meticulously proofread. I taped this impressive list inside the cupboard next to my bed, so I could review it daily. By the end of the year, after having kept each resolution perfectly, I would be a spiritual giant, in remarkable physical condition, the sweetest wife, the most patient mother, and the world’s most dependable visiting teacher. And of course, every nook and cranny of my house would be completely de-junked and organized.

Several days later, with tears on my cheeks, I ripped the list from the cupboard door and tore it into shreds. Why? Because I hadn’t met all twenty-six goals every day since I posted them. Despite similar experiences in previous years, I’d managed to convince myself that this year would be different—if I just worded my goals more precisely, if I just studied them faithfully every day, if I just pushed harder, if I just willed myself to be better. Looking back, I’m troubled to recall how much pressure I put on myself, and how demoralizing it was each time I failed to live up to impossible expectations.

Perfection or Perfectionism

Many years later, after gradually recognizing my toxic perfectionism for what it was, I wrote, “If I added up all of the hours from my past which were consumed by fear, guilt, and worry over my lack of perfection, I have no doubt the sum would equal years—years of my life wasted due to a faulty understanding of the Atonement, including the misconception that Heavenly Father demanded perfection of me immediately. On countless occasions I stressed over the fact that my life could end at any time and I would die without having repented of every speck of sin and certainly without having attained a perfect state.” (1)

I appreciate the following insights of religious educator Allen D. Rau: “… it is… vital to shed light on how a perfectionist paradigm distorts the doctrine of perfection. When doctrine is misunderstood, spiritual and emotional problems can follow… Perfectionism corrupts the doctrine of perfection and creates unnecessary burdens in the lives of those who seek perfection through a perfectionist paradigm.

“The problem with perfectionism is not striving for godliness; it is striving for godliness without “relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save” (2 Nephi 31:20). Put simply, perfectionism is not what the Lord was asking for when he commanded us to be perfect.” (2)  

Perfectionism takes Jesus out of the equation. My most effective tool in fighting toxic perfectionism, is studying earnestly about the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I highly recommend reading “The Infinite Atonement” by Tad R. Callister. (3) Reading Elder Callister’s scripture-centered writings on the Savior’s Atonement had a liberating effect on me. As I increased in understanding of what Jesus Christ has done and what He offers, the more clearly I saw that even my grandest mortal efforts could never save me. What a relief it was to have the burden of my salvation lifted from my feeble shoulders.

Trajectory

I have come to appreciate a simple visual aid I saw in a long-ago Sunday school lesson. First, the instructor drew an arrow horizontally from left to right across the chalkboard. Next, he drew a second arrow that began at the same spot as the first but pointed just a few degrees higher. Though the two lines started at the same point, by the time the second arrow reached the other side of the chalkboard, it was several inches higher than the original line. The instructor emphasized that if those two lines kept going indefinitely, they would continue to grow further and further apart.

A diagram of two lines starting from the same point but diverging slightly, representing how small changes in spiritual trajectory lead to significant long-term progress.

“Even a slight adjustment in our spiritual trajectory can lead to profound transformation over time.”

This was a lightbulb moment for me. Two simple lines illustrated how raising our spiritual trajectory by even a small amount can eventually yield significant—even Celestial—results. In my earlier years of perfectionism, I had been aiming my arrow straight up. I wanted immediate perfection, but that’s not how the plan of salvation works. Now, when thoughts of attaining perfection overwhelm me, I focus on the word progression instead.

The Atonement of Jesus Christ altered the trajectory of every woman and man who will ever live on the earth. Even those who choose not to accept Him as their Savior benefit from His victory over death, which gifted all humankind the resurrection from the dead. Through His Atonement, Jesus also offers eternal life to all who are willing to choose a spiritual trajectory that leads back to His holy presence.

Inching Toward God

As Elder Neal A. Maxwell wrote: “Paced progress not only is acceptable to the Lord but also is recommended by Him… Just as divine disclosure usually occurs line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little, so likewise we will achieve our spiritual progress gradually.” (4)

On a camping trip decades ago, my husband and I took our children hiking. There were towering pines and aspen trees in that beautiful mountain forest, but what captured my attention that day was actually the smallest creature we encountered: a tiny green inchworm, no longer than the tip of my finger. I’m not certain how we even spotted the worm as it made its way up a tree branch. We were fascinated by its movements.

A close-up of an inchworm arching its body while moving along a tree branch, demonstrating the process of patient and steady growth.

True growth happens gradually—one small step at a time.”

Because inchworms have tiny legs at the front and back of their bodies, but not the middle section, they move by extending their front end, then pulling their rear end forward. As they draw their hind legs up, their body forms a loop. (5) It seems like a terribly inefficient way to travel, but the little worm my family observed persisted until its slow, steady “inching” carried it the length of the long branch.

More times than I can count through the years, the image of a pale green inchworm has come to my mind as I’ve battled a tendency toward perfectionism. Picturing the steady progress of that little creature has been a clear reminder that God plays the long game. He values the line upon line approach.

Elder David A. Bednar has taught the importance of small and simple things: “… if you and I are focused and frequent in receiving consistent drops of spiritual nourishment, then gospel roots can sink deep into our soul, can become firmly established and grounded, and can produce extraordinary and delicious fruit.” (6)

This is why the basic “Sunday school answers” such as praying, pondering, and studying the scriptures are so impactful when done thoughtfully and consistently: they sustain a healthy spiritual trajectory.

I’ve written previously about a pattern observed in nature which symbolizes inching toward God: “Each December, we northern-hemisphere-dwellers experience the shortest day of the year, when the sun takes its lowest path across the sky. But the very next day, a quiet phenomenon occurs while most of us aren’t paying attention: gradually, in tiny increments, the days begin to lengthen. By the spring equinox, our sunsets will be noticeably later, and toward the end of June it will seem that the sun is content to hang in the sky indefinitely.

“As mortals dealing daily with the effects of the Fall… we grapple hourly with our weaknesses and suffer the shame that comes with sinning. But no matter how far gone we think we are, change will begin as we reach out to the Savior for help and grace. Because our initial attempts to improve are so incremental, we will likely not even notice a change at first. But one day, awareness will begin to dawn: the light is changing, increasing. This is the beautiful process of perfection. Change and improvement come slowly, but they will come.” (7)

A stifling burden is lifted from our spirits when we abandon toxic perfectionism and embrace the truth that change and improvement will occur as we trust in the Atonement of Jesus Christ and develop a healthy spiritual trajectory by inching toward God.

Notes:

  1. Lynne Perry Christofferson, Sisters, Arise! 103, Covenant Communications.
  2. Allan D. Rau, “Be Ye Therefore Perfect”: Beyond the Perfectionist Paradigm,” Religious Educator 12, no. 3 (2011): 37-57.
  3. Tad R. Callister, The Infinite Atonement, Deseret Book Co.
  4. Neal A. Maxwell, Men and Women of Christ, p. 23, Deseret Book Co.
  5. https://www.google.com/search?q=what+is+an+inchworm https://www.perplexity.ai/search/how-does-an-inchworm-move
  6. David A. Bednar, “By Small and Simple Things Are Great Things Brought to Pass,” address given Friday, April 29, 2011 at the BYU Women’s Conference. Page 5 of transcript.
  7. Lynne Perry Christofferson, Sisters, Arise! 109, Covenant Communications.