While counseling men in prison and teaching the importance of emotional intelligence, emotions were often combined into three groups: feeling glad, sad, or mad. Many simply did not want to feel emotion or show emotion. They did not want to be perceived as being “weak.” As they progressed in sessions of group therapy, finally they got angry or they would break down and cry. That show of emotion was typically a turning point to making progress in dealing with their issues. Other group members who had been in therapy longer and gone through similar emotional experiences would congratulate those men for reaching that important step in their lives.

How often do we hide our emotions? How often do we stuff them away so people won’t think we are weak? How often do we hide our true emotional vulnerability behind the defense mechanism of anger? How often do we use emotions to control what people think about us out of fear of rejection?

[Note: It is important to recognize that sometimes medication is necessary to address anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.]

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland told of his struggle as a young married man with major depressive disorder. Elder Holland counseled “So how do you best respond when mental or emotional challenges confront you or those you love? Above all, never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than you can comprehend. As President Monson said to the Relief Society sisters so movingly last Saturday evening: “That love never changes. … It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it]. It is simply always there.” Never, ever doubt that, and never harden your heart.” (Like a Broken Vessel, General Conference, October 2013.)

After angelic visits and divine guidance, Laman and Lemuel were “past feeling” that they could not feel the words of the Lord. (1 Nephi 17:45). How much do murmuring and disobedience affect not only our sensitivity to the spirit, but also our ability to feel any emotions? Ask the men in prison.

How can we return to feeling emotions? Here are some suggestions:

  • Elder Holland said, “When you face “depletion depression,” make the requisite adjustments. Fatigue is the common enemy of us all—so slow down, rest up, replenish, and refill.”
  • President Russell M. Nelson taught that we can find joy. “When the focus of our lives is on Jesus Christ and His gospel, we can feel joy regardless of what is happening—or not happening—in our lives.” (Joy and Spiritual Survival, General Conference, October 2016.)
  • President Thomas S. Monson counseled us to find peace by expressing gratitude. (An Attitude of Gratitude, General Conference, April 1992.)
  • Elder Holland counseled: “If things continue to be debilitating, seek the advice of reputable people with certified training, professional skills, and good values.”

One last experience from prison. A group of men were challenged to give 10 hours of service during the week. This was a medium security facility where 64 men lived in a dorm filled with bunks and many had individual cubicles. Some inmates with artistic talent made greeting cards for others to send to their families. Some helped others with educational homework or translating documents. Some helped clean the dorm or deliver laundry, and on and on. They gave service without expectation of recognition, reward, or recompense. They did it just because it was the right thing to do.

When these men returned, they reported to the group of feeling something they had never felt before … a warm feeling inside. We know they were feeling the Spirit. If you are past feeling, give service. They were simply following the counsel in Mosiah 2:17 “And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.”

Please don’t misunderstand. It’s okay to feel sad, disappointed, upset, frustrated, etc. We just don’t need to remain there. Those emotions do give us experience and help us gain a greater appreciation for how good we can feel. If there was no rain, how could we enjoy the sunshine? And we can learn to dance in the rain!

May the Lord bless us to feel … joy, gladness, peace, gratitude, and love, especially the feelings of His love.