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Iāve told you in a previous article that Iāve been diagnosed with breast cancer and, in fact, today is my surgery day. Iām confident and optimistic, filled with faith after wonderful Priesthood blessings.
But⦠heading to Nauvoo last month, where I was honored to speak at the Mega Singlesā Conference with Scot and Maurine Proctor, Al Fox Carraway, Brad Wilcox, Area Seventy Rulon Stacey, and others, my surgeon called. She said the MRI Iād just had revealed a spot on the other side, which would now need a biopsy. Yes, as Ziggy said, āSome days youāre the pigeon and some days youāre the statue.ā Hey, Iām just grateful such technology exists, because consider the alternative of not knowing and not addressing it.
But there was another benefit to going in for that MRI. When I first arrived and sat down in the waiting room, an older gentleman was a few seats away. He struck up a conversation with me and I learned heās retired and finally wants to write that book thatās been kicking around in his head. I teach college extension courses on this and was thrilled to share some tips with him. As I looked around at half a dozen other people in the room, I noticed they were all quietly staring at their cell phones. This man and I were the only people actually talking to one another.
Soon I was ushered into the area where you put your belongings in a locker and wear a robe, awaiting your turn to be x-rayed. You wear the locker key on a stretchy, coiled wristband, but otherwise you have nothing in your hands. I sat by a woman and we began to chat. It turns out sheās a historian and loves family history. What a thrill to talk about the vast internet help the Church offers online. She shared exciting information about her ancestors and I shared the sketchy background of my āmadameā in England (for whom the neighbors once burned an effigy!). On the other hand, my husband can trace his line to General Thomas Sumter and castles sprinkled all through Great Britain. We agreed that the fun of this research is finding real people, warts and all. Helen Keller once said weāre all related to kings and slaves. The more you search your family tree, the more variety you find.
I was called away for my procedure, then after was asked to wait for a CD to give to my surgeon. This time I began visiting with another woman there. As we talked I discovered sheās an avid gardener, just like me. This common ground (no pun intended) got us both excited. We began buzzing (again, no pun intended) about organic pest control, varieties of roses (she has 135!), seed companies, and correct soils for various plants. Soon a nurse came to get her and another delivered my CD, so it was time to go home.
I marveled at what had just happened. Not the x-ray, but the sharing, the talking. I felt invigorated. Three people had opened their heartsāfour, if you count meāand connections were made. All because we had set aside our cell phones and gone back to what used to be common: Chatting with strangers. What a flashback to a simpler time. As I walked through the first waiting room I saw another group of people glued to their phone screens and I felt a pang of sorrow, realizing how disconnected we all have become. Yes, weāre communicating online, but we arenāt always available to reach out physically to lift someone who could be battling a challenge.
We rarely laugh out loud when we read texts and posts. We may say LOL back, but itās a cold evaluation of something funny. When you see people staring at their cell phones, you donāt see them laughing. In fact, you donāt see any emotion at all. There are no hugs, no squeezed hands, no smiles of true caring.
Experts tell us we need these real, human connections. They point to the absence of social interactions as one cause of loneliness and depression. When the Savior told us to love and serve one another, I truly cannot believe he meant it to be exclusively through electronic means.
What might happen if we set aside our phones? Think of the people you love most. Maybe it would be good to have a Family Screen-Free Evening once a week. Or for one hour every night. Recapture the joy of easy conversationānot chatting about what time you have to be somewhere, but just hearing each otherās thoughts and ideas. Play together. Read together. Just be present without being distracted.
We can do the same thing when weāre out in public. We can look for a friendly faceāor be that friendly face! We can strike up a conversation that could lead to one of those life-changing moments when someone without hopeāand it could be youā finds it.
Hiltonās LDS novel, Golden, is available in paperback and on Kindle. All her books and YouTubeMom videos can be found on her website. She currently serves as an Interfaith Specialist for Public Affairs.
Jay SNovember 8, 2018
I wish you were there when I did my MRI a couple of weeks ago. You lift everyone you are near. Best of all for you
Anne PrattNovember 8, 2018
I'm so sorry that you have to go through all of this, but you're faithful and fearless, and we can all learn so much from you. Thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts.