It is not uncommon to hear reservations, and even complaints, about the Proclamation on the Family. Published by the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve in 1995, the Proclamation is well-known but not universally embraced. This is not surprising, since it clearly swims against the current of today’s cultural fashions, from the nature of marriage to the nature of human sexuality.
In 2017, Dallin H. Oaks reminded us that, among other truths, this statement teaches (a) that sexual expression is to be employed “only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife,” (b) that “children are entitled . . . to be reared by a father and a mother,” and (c) that “gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.”[1] In a later discourse, President Oaks added that Satan “seeks to oppose progress toward exaltation by distorting marriage, discouraging childbearing, or confusing gender.” He also stated that “the Lord has required His restored Church to oppose social and legal pressures to retreat from His doctrine of marriage between a man and a woman, to oppose changes that homogenize the differences between men and women or confuse or alter gender.”[2] And President Oaks emphasized the family proclamation again in his most recent General Conference address of October 2023.[3]
Because so many today fail to live in line with these truths, to some it seems unloving to crystallize and emphasize such doctrines. Not only on social media, but even in Church classes and family gatherings, one can sometimes hear worries that the Proclamation is fundamentally uncompassionate and even outdated. It is suggested that the truth about divine realities and the Lord’s attitude cannot really be what the Proclamation says it is, since, in our enlightened age, surely we have moved beyond its constricted view of marriage and family and its simplistic, binary categories regarding sexuality. Because it is wrong in these ways—because it is so exclusionary in nature—it is insufficiently compassionate.
A Reminder of the Plan
The problem with all this, though, is that the Proclamation is nothing more than a reminder that our divine Father has a Plan for us, and that this Plan consists of eternal truths and principles for living. Since that is so, it is difficult to see how a summary of these could ever be “outdated.” Indeed, President Oaks recently reiterated what he had taught earlier—namely, that the Proclamation is not just “a changeable statement of policy” but instead is “founded on irrevocable doctrine.”[4] As an expression of divine truths, it cannot be outdated.
It is also hard to see how it could ever be “uncompassionate” for prophets to remind us of these doctrines and principles. Prophets cannot help others find happiness by withholding from them the very truths and principles that their Father has established for their happiness. To do that would be to embrace a naïve and false compassion—which is to say, an attitude that, in the end, is not compassion at all.
It might seem otherwise in the moment, but ultimately it cannot help those who are violating the Plan to pretend that there isn’t a Plan. It is no help to tell them things that are not true. We actually love and help individuals best when our love includes the truth, not when it excludes it.
This is why President Oaks could describe the Proclamation as “uniquely valuable” in helping us “prepare for eternal life.”[5] And it is why he could also insist, as already seen, that the Proclamation is not “a changeable statement of policy,” but instead is “founded on irrevocable doctrine.” Indeed, he bore witness of the Proclamation, stating that it is “essential” to “guide mortal preparation for exaltation,” and declaring: “I testify of the truth and eternal importance of the family proclamation, revealed by the Lord Jesus Christ to His Apostles for the exaltation of the children of God.”[6]
An Act of Compassion
All of this is why drawing attention to the Proclamation on the Family—far from being uncompassionate—is a quintessential act of compassion. As mentioned, it is simply a reminder of our Father’s Plan, and we actually love and help individuals best when we help them discover and live according to this Plan—not when we ignore or minimize it.
Paul foretold a time such as ours when he said that “after their own lusts” people will “heap to themselves teachers,” and that they will turn away from truth and, instead, “be turned unto fables” (2 Timothy 4:3, 4).
Surely, we live in a day of false teachers and of prominent and utter fables. Indeed, even before current popular views (about sexual identity, for example) became common, President Thomas S. Monson observed that the world was “saturated in the sophistries of Satan.”[7] And, as a member of the Twelve, Russell M. Nelson warned us to be “very careful about whose counsel you follow.” Why? Because “the somber reality is that there are ‘servants of Satan’ embedded throughout society.”[8] And surely it has only gotten worse since these two leaders spoke. As a reminder of the divine Plan, the Proclamation on the Family is a central part of the antidote the Lord has provided to combat the servants of Satan and the onrush of worldly fables.
Naturally, we love all people, regardless of the worldly fables they have embraced or of how serious, as a result, their struggles might be with one part or another of the Plan. All of us struggle to live the gospel fully. But, by the same token, this means we cannot be tolerant of the hellish worldly fables that lie behind those struggles. To accept such fictions is, again, to exercise a naïve and false form of compassion that, rather than helping anyone, actively and seriously harms them.
Responding to Loved Ones
So, how might we respond to loved ones who (a) have fallen prey to a prominent fable like changing one’s gender, and (b) who ask us to embrace that and to address and treat them accordingly? Well, because there are different kinds of circumstances, there can be different kinds of right answers to this question. It is hard to imagine that there is only one right path. In this spirit, one grandparent came up with this approach for at least some circumstances:
I love you; and I also know you have a Heavenly Father who loves you. He really is your Father, and you lived with Him and your Heavenly Mother before this life. He sent you here for a purpose. He has a divine Plan, centered in our Savior (and divine Brother) Jesus Christ, and that Plan will bless you with a sublime, sacred, and joyful life throughout eternity if you follow it. Now, precisely because I love you, how could I ever do anything that would help lead you from that? That would not be love. So, instead, I will do all I can to help you understand and love our Heavenly Father’s Plan—and what it means for you. I will also continue to see you and speak of you just as your loving Heavenly Parents do—as Their beloved son [or daughter]. That is your eternal nature. Heavenly Father sees you that way, and so will I. That is an expression of His love for you, and it is an expression of my love for you. And it is a love that isn’t going to change. I will do everything I can to help you appreciate and come to love Heavenly Father’s Plan and your part in it. It is for you!
No doubt others can think of different ways than this to respond lovingly to family members. Circumstances vary widely, from differences in individuals’ personalities and understanding of the gospel, to differences in the types of relationships family members have with one another. Such wide variety suggests that there is not really a one-size-fits-all answer. Nevertheless, in one way or another, the gospel provides the framework for responding to our loved ones’ needs—whatever our specific response is, and regardless of what those specific needs might be.
Standing Firm
The world at large has no understanding of God’s Plan for His children. As a result, holding true to the revealed doctrines of the gospel in the public square is not always easy. As a member of the Twelve, Elder Oaks thus quoted a statement from President Ezra Taft Benson that “every generation has its tests and its chance to stand and prove itself.” Elder Oaks added that “I believe our attitude toward and use of the family proclamation is one of those tests for this generation. I pray for all Latter-day Saints to stand firm in that test.”[9]
The Proclamation seems outdated and wrong when measured against worldly standards, of course. The good news, though, is that we do not care about worldly standards, because we know who inspires them. Instead, taught by the Spirit, we simply embrace the distillation of doctrines and principles found in the Proclamation and see it for what it is: “a statement of eternal truth” that is “the will of the Lord for His children who seek eternal life.”[10]
The Short Answer
So, then, is the Proclamation on the Family uncompassionate? The short answer: No! As a reminder of the Father’s Plan, it is the very essence of compassion.
The truth is, once we reach the next life no one will look back on mortality and think that it would have been compassionate to hide, or even to minimize, the truth about the Father’s Plan. Indeed, embracing the Proclamation’s truths, not resisting or hiding them, is an indispensable part of the way we combat the false ideas of the world and provide genuine help to each other as we journey through mortality together.
*****
Duane Boyce is co-author, with his daughter Kimberly White, of the recent book, The Last Safe Place: Seven Principles for Standing with the Prophets in Troubled Times.
Click here to learn more [Amazon link]
[1] Dallin H. Oaks, “The Plan and the Proclamation,” General Conference, October 2017, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2017/10/the-plan-and-the-proclamation?lang=eng. He emphasized the point that “gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose” in his most recent talk as well. See his “Kingdoms of Glory,” General Conference, April 2023, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2023/10/17oaks?lang=eng.
[2] Dallin H. Oaks, “Divine Love in the Father’s Plan,” General Conference, April 2022, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2022/04/51oaks?lang=eng.
[3] “Kingdoms of Glory,” op. cit.
[4] See both his, “Kingdoms of Glory,” op. cit., and his “Divine Love in the Father’s Plan,” op. cit.
[5] Dallin H. Oaks, “Divine Love in the Father’s Plan,” op. cit.
[6] Dallin H. Oaks, “The Plan and the Proclamation,” op. cit.
[7] Thomas S. Monson, cited by Dallin H. Oaks, in “As He Thinketh in His Heart,” CES devotional, February 8, 2013, https://www.lds.org/prophets-and-apostles/unto-all-the-world/as-he-thinketh-in-his-heart- ?lang=eng.
[8] Russell M. Nelson, “Becoming True Millennials,” January 10, 2016, Young Adult Broadcast. https://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/worldwide-devotionals/2016/01/becoming-true-millennials?lang=eng.
[9] Dallin H. Oaks, “The Plan and the Proclamation,” op. cit.
[10] Ibid.
Sasha KwapinskiNovember 6, 2023
Marriage is either a moral construct with a moral definition or, for all practical purposes, it become a non-construct with no definition -- basically just a random lifestyle option among many. Moral standards are, by definition, discriminatory, differentiating between various patterns of choice, action, and behavior. To remove the moral definition from marriage is essentially to confuse love with relativism.
Chuck NielsenNovember 6, 2023
“every generation has its tests and its chance to stand and prove itself“ This quote by President Ezra Taft Benson that Duane included is, in my opinion, the clarion call to all followers of Christ to stand up, speak up and lovingly declare the only way to fight evil is to establish homes where the Master can reside. As the family goes so goes humanity. Thank you Duane for addressing one of the biggest criticisms the Church has right now. The war on families is real and that war has landed on the shores of the Latter Day Saints.