Cathy and I have each been divorced twice. But today we are in the sixth year of a wonderful marriage that we approach with intention and a level of emotional maturity we were simply not capable of in earlier marriages in our twenties.
We recently attended the sealing of a remarried LILY couple with a blended family of nine children. It hasn’t been an easy road for them but they, too, say it IS worth it. Building a new marriage relationship later in life comes with complications too. Co-parenting with former spouses, dealing with the trauma and reactions of your children, dealing with our own trauma from prior failed relationships, and combining a lifetime of separate households can be a daunting task. Depending on which statistics you look at, divorce rates for second marriages are over 60 percent, and over 70 percent for third marriages. So why do we do it? Because when it’s a good thing, it really is worth it! It is possible to experience a level of passion, love, and security that you have never known before.
How can we beat the odds and build a marriage to last after previous failures? In a word, the answer is intention. This means entering a marriage with a series of agreements and commitments about how you are going to govern your marriage—and sticking to those agreements faithfully. If you govern your marriage with intention, you can avoid the major pitfalls and build a strong relationship by choice. If you govern your relationship with emotion, it is going to be filled with drama and pain. So, it is vital to marry a self-reflective person who is willing and able to evaluate his or her own behavior and thoughts and choose wisely how to show up.
It is even more vital to become such a person. It is essential that a couple be able to look back on an emotionally difficult moment and thoughtfully ask: “How did that happen? What fear was driving my part in the problem? What can I do better in the future to deepen my relationship instead of damage it?” Then pat yourselves on the back for doing the hard work, even when it isn’t perfect and feels messy.
The gospel of Jesus Christ is a message of second chances. Getting another chance at love can be one of the most redeeming and life-affirming blessings one can experience. Cathy and I consider it the greatest blessing of our lives. When marriage is entered with wisdom and plenty of intentional healing and growth before and throughout the new marriage, we can witness a miraculous transformation. Showing up better than we did in previous relationships, we have the unique opportunity for richer and deeper love. We appreciate the opportunity to love and be loved more when we have lost that opportunity previously and been granted that chance again by the grace of God.
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About the Author
Jeff Teichert, and his wife Cathy Butler Teichert, are the founders of “Love in Later Years,” which ministers to Latter-day Saint single adults seeking peace, healing, and more joyful relationships. They are co-authors of the Amazon bestseller Intentional Courtship: A Mid-Singles Guide to Peace, Progress and Pairing Up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Jeff and Cathy each spent nearly a decade in the mid-singles community and they use that experience to provide counsel and hope to mid-singles and later married couples through written articles, podcasts, and videos. Jeff and Cathy are both Advanced Certified Life Coaches and have university degrees in Family & Human Development. They are the parents of a blended family that includes four handsome sons, one lovely daughter-in-law, and a sweet baby granddaughter.
Purchase Jeff & Cathy’s book Intentional Courtship:
Discover 6-Steps to recover from divorce and design a life you love with Jeff & Cathy’s “Life Design After Divorce” 12-week COURSE. Register here: lilywebinars.com/order-page
Connect with Jeff & Cathy:
Website: http://www.loveinlateryears.com/
Podcast: https://anchor.fm/loveinlateryears
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/loveinlateryears
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/LoveInLaterYears
Instagram: http://instagram.com/loveinlateryears/
Email:
lo**************@gm***.com
