Books

Editor’s Note:  Meridian is pleased to offer some sneak peeks into Richard Eyre’s new grandparenting book The Grandparenting Bluebook which, as of this week is available online and in bookstores.  This is the fourth and final set of samples from the book. (See article 1 here article 2 here article 3 here) Today’s excerpts are from the “more advanced” Life-Secrets section of the book—aimed at adolescent grandkids—and they include candid reactions from several of Richard’s grandkids. 

Author’s Note: I love sharing excerpts from this book which will always be one of my favorites since I was able to write it with my grandkids.  The book is now available at a discount on Amazon, but for Meridian readers, please get my larger author’s discount, at https://familius.com/book/the-grandparenting-blueprint/ where you can use coupon code EYREFRIEND

Welcome back for the last set of excerpts here in Meridian.  I hope you have enjoyed these (and I hope you will enjoy the whole book soon…

Today, lets just look at samples from one of the later chapters in the book which is about one of the two secrets given to grandkids in their older teens.

The “grandkids comments” at the end are from some of my older grandkids looking back at what this secret meant to them as they moved from their teens to adulthood.

Secret Ten: THE RING OF TRUTH:  “Truth is light, and your spirit can feel it. Seek truth everywhere and learn to recognize and receive its resonance and to reject the discord of its counterfeits. This is the gift of discernment, which comes from the Holy Ghost, and it both enlightens and protects.”

Once again, this secret has some spiritual elements to it, but please read on even if it does not all align with your beliefs or position.  Because is there any gift we want more for our grandkids than the kind of discernment that will help them decipher truth from lies? That will give them authenticity in this world where every level of deception comes at them—from advertising… to social media… to various cons… to AI?  

That discernment won’t always be available from analysis or arithmetic or even advice.  But it can often come from what some call conscience or promptings or impressions, and others call the Holy Spirit.

In my case, I believe that there is a Spirit of Truth—a spiritual connection that can warn kids of danger and deception, and that can also point them toward the good and the genuine and the authentic.  I want to teach them as much as I can about this Spirit and about this connection, and about how it feels, because they are growing up in a world where they are confronted daily by masterful deceptions, and they will need all the help they can get to avoid or negotiate these and to steer clear of the confusion and loss of confidence that can result.

But it is not only the protective aspect that I want for them.  This same gift of discernment and recognition of light and truth can enhance and magnify their joy in the good and beautiful things in their lives and fine tune their sense of appreciation and grateful humility.

For me, this is a core belief that manifests itself in most every segment of my life.  And since I am connecting to you right now through writing, let me use that as my example.  There are times while I am writing, when I feel completely on my own.  Anything that goes down on the page comes solely out of my brain.  But there are other times, often, because I have asked sincerely for it, when thoughts come into my brain from somewhere else.  And I am sure in those moments that their origin is external not internal.  Without comparison, these are my best moments as a writer—these are times when I am learning as I try to teach, when there is some connection between my mind and a greater mind.  I have names for the source and the connection, but for here, in a book that will be read by people with all levels and varieties of belief, I want to focus on the very basics—namely that I believe we can all connect to something higher.

And in this secret, helping our grandkids to teel that, and to tap into it, is the key to helping them feel less alone and more potent in sorting things out and knowing and discerning the right from the wrong in all its meanings. 

Story

Grandkids, 

Do you even know how different the world was when I was your age? Try to imagine a world where no one had a smart phone or a computer or the internet.  There was no social media—and not even any personal electronics. If you wanted to read a book or a magazine you had to buy it or get it at the library, and if you wanted to research something you went to the library and looked in these big files called card catalogs to look things up so you could go back in the library shelves and find the book it was in.  We had typewriters but if you needed a copy of what you typed, you had to use something called carbon paper. There was no GPS so if you needed to find something, you had to get the right paper map and try to follow it.  There was no social media, so the only way to keep up with your friends was to go see them or call them on phones that were hooked onto the wall and had long curly cords.  There was no email or texting or voicemail or video calls or facetime, so you actually wrote letters with a pen and put them in an envelope with a stamp on and then dropped them in a mailbox and the other person would get them in a few days. Since there were no video games, we played board games or went outside and played hide-and-seek or kick the can.

Can you imagine?  Ask me if we had some other things and let’s see what I am leaving out on that list of what you have now that we didn’t have then…

The main thing that we had more of then was pretty important though:  We had more time.  We spent more time outside.  We hung out with friends not on screens but in real life.  We made up games.  We probably had more freedom to just go around the neighborhood or take a hike in the mountains or just stay out until dark playing with friends or talking. 

But as different as things were back when I was a kid, the most important things were exactly the same as they are now.  Family was the most important thing.  Being honest and respectful mattered.  All these secrets worked as well then as they do now.  And I really think my grandpa loved me almost as much as I love you!

Now here’s a question for you.  Do you think I would want it to still be like it was when I was your age?  Do you think I would want you to have the same kind of childhood and adolescence that I did?  Do you think that was a better time to live?  (Discussion)

Well guess what.  I happen to believe that now is the best time in history to grow up!  I actually envy you and the awareness and access you have today that I never imagined when I was your age.  In fact, I almost wish I could be a kid again and live these times with you.

Yes, you face problems and concerns and challenges that can be crazy hard.  It’s hard not to compare yourself to others on social media and the difference between what is real and what is made-up can be so hard to see.  But you can be 100 times as aware and in touch with the larger world and you can get answers and explore so many worlds so easily—from the physical world to the world of ideas to the worlds of art or science or anything you can imagine. Your opportunities are truly endless while mine were much more limited.

But how do you keep it all in perspective and in priority?  How do you tell the difference between true and fake?  How do you stay calm and centered when so many things make you feel anxious or depressed?

That is what this secret is about.

You can calm yourself through meditation or deep breathing and by just going into nature or someplace beautiful, and you can pray and ask God to give you His calming spirit to help you see what is right and what is wrong, and what is real and what is fake, and what is good and what is bad.  It seems simple, just to pray and ask for that, but I promise you it works, and I promise you that you have a Heavenly Father that loves you even more than I do, and that is a LOT!

Discussion and Case studies

Start a discussion by asking kids if they have ever felt a little nudge inside telling them to do something or not to do something.  Have they ever just known something without knowing how they knew it?  Has there been a time when they got a good idea that just seemed to come out of nowhere?  Do they think that could come from God’s Spirit, or the Holy Spirit, or a Higher Intelligence (pick your wording)?  Take the discussion as far as it will go on its own and then use these case studies to keep it going.

(Case Studies and discussion outlines follow here….and then the chapter concludes with  comments from older grandkids looking back on what this secret has meant to them…)

Grandkids Comments

Grace, 21

In this day and age, with information at your fingertips at all times, it is so easy to fall for the “fake news” or edited pictures you see of people on your phones. Social media can be such a scary place and can seriously damage mental health. AI can make it even more real and scary.

I am someone who consumes a lot of media throughout the day. While there are so many amazing uses for social media, scrolling on Instagram, a lot of the time, makes me feel sad, fatigued, lonely, bad about myself, and so many more negative feelings. One day, I caught myself feeling like this, so I decided to silence my phone and put it out of sight and I reached for my scriptures and journal instead. I realized that as I reflected in my journal and read my scriptures, I felt a different feeling than I had been feeling scrolling through Instagram. I understood that this is what GF is getting at in this secret. There was light and I could feel that the light felt different. I was able to decern the difference between what made me feel light and what made me feel dark and differentiate that truth brings light.

Elle, 24

Wow, boy have I been thinking about this concept a lot in my life right now. The Ring of Truth is such an adaptable, curious, & seeking journey for everyone individually. There is often an intuitive sense of clarity or peace that accompanies genuine truth that I have felt, yet sometimes it just feels like your mind is a compass that is just trying to lock in on that “true north” truth & direction. I swear there is not a more confusing time than now in trying to figure out the truths in all aspects, big & small. There are so many opinions, research, & information right in front of us & it is definitely a process to sort through & decipher what the truth is for you. On the smaller end scale, I was trying to seek out the best diet to help with heart health. I would listen to one doctor’s opinion on a podcast, & then later find out that the studies he was linking were only pertaining to the male’s body type (I am a female). Then I will listen to another doctor & will learn that she has a bias one way & has only researched the studies based on that bias. The list goes on & you try to rummage through the information to find the truth. 

Luckily, as this secret helps us remember, we are blessed with this ‘gift of discernment’. I have felt that research & really yearning to find answers to truths with the information that we do have, has been very helpful to me. This has been helpful in the big decisions in my life so that I can study what is at hand and come roughly to a conclusion based on the research I can gather. The journey to this discernment involves active seeking and a willingness to remain open to new information while also being vigilant against misleading appearances.

From there though, I have to be able to tap into this gift of discernment. How truly do I feel about this truth or decision at hand? Do I feel at peace with this? Is this bringing me joy and leading me in a positive place in life? I have found that I like to do this at the end of my yoga practice. I don’t think I am great at meditation, but this is something that comes close as I am one with myself and my thoughts after movement of my body. I am able to clear my mind a little better and think on the truths I am searching for. Once I can answer these questions, & feel a sense of self, I am not finished, but I am able to build upon that & continue seeking, as it is a lifelong journey to figure out!

Camden, 20

Truth is a difficult thing. What is truth? Is there anything we can know for certain? As a Harvard student studying psychology, truth can be especially hard to pin down. One thing about psychology (and many other academic disciplines) that I both love and hate is that things are never certain. When you are writing psychological research papers, you are never allowed to say, “this proves that…” or “this shows…”. You are never allowed to assume something is absolutely true. This is the case because we really can’t prove any psychological concepts for certain. It is always possible that the results of a study were achieved just by chance, that the research group was not a good representative sample of the entire population, that the methods were flawed, or other variables account for the results found. This is an important part of the discipline of psychology. To further our understanding of the brain and mind, we need to first accept that everything we think we know could be wrong.

I find that in life, not just in psychological research, this is often the experience of truth. Rather than knowing things for sure, most of what we know is just our best guess. Am I getting a headache because I’m not drinking enough water? Probably, but it could be something else. Should I wash my car or is it going to rain tomorrow? The forecast says it will be sunny, but who knows? Is the answer on this exam question A or C? Both seem to be correct, but which am I more confident in? So, when do we know something for certain? You can’t trust news outlets or social media, because facts are often distorted or made up. You can’t trust others, because they carry biases and preconceived notions. Our senses are usually pretty trustworthy sources of truth, but really the way you experience senses is just your brain’s reconstruction of electrical currents being fed to it by your body. Psychologists have known for a long time that memories are never perfect recollections of the past, so we can’t use them as a source of truth. It can be frustrating. What is true?!

My Grandfather proposes something else, an undeniable and trustworthy source of truth, and I agree with him and with this secret. Undeniable truth, I would argue, is a feeling. It’s hard to explain, but you’ll know it when you feel it. I think everyone experiences this a little differently (I wouldn’t know, I’ve only ever been me), but for me, knowledge of the truth comes in fleeting moments of comfort and certainty. These moments are rare for me, but most recently I remember sitting in a cemetery in the rain by myself with the strong, undeniable feeling that, among other things, everything was going to be okay. I’m not sure if this feeling came from me or from some higher power, but in that moment I knew it was true, without a doubt. I wish I could give you some logical explanation for why this source of truth is perfect and impervious to evidence to the contrary, unlike all other sources of truth, but I can’t. Once you feel it, you know. Seek these experiences. Ask questions. Doubt things. When the time is right, things will be made known.

Claire, 19

I love the word “truth” and recently it has become so much more powerful to me. Gaining truths for myself by using my best discernment “will both enlighten and protect me.” This past summer, I had the amazing privilege to do a study abroad in London, England. While I was studying, we had great opportunities to experience many different cathedrals and worship services. One in particular really stood out to me. We sat there in this beautiful architecture, filled with the most magnificent paintings and statues. The music from the choir filled my ears as they were singing about Christ. At this time I was preparing to serve a mission for the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I looked around at everyone’s faces, so much diversity, but all enthralled by the music that was being sung, all there to worship their savior Jesus Christ. I thought to myself, “all these people have their own truths, their own perspectives, and all here for the right reasons, so why on earth am I going to go on a mission to tell them that we have the true church?” This weighed heavy on my mind for a while until I opened up to my mother about it. I will never forget the conversation we had. Everyone is searching for truths in this world, religious or not. And how we find those truths is through the Spirit, that’s the most beautiful part! We can’t rely on others or our parents for truths, we have to find them ourselves, and the process of it is the best part! Serving my mission isn’t about telling people the truths, its about helping everyone find the truths for themselves, enlightening their minds!!! Everybody has their own journey in this life, finding truths is part of it. 

Josh, 23

While serving my mission in Samoa I often referenced Alma 5:40. This scripture not only helped me simply explain many commandments to the children and adults alike, but it also laid a foundation and granted a simple litmus test for future promptings as well as temptations that would present themselves. As I have continued to build upon what I learned, I have found it increasingly important to keep my thoughts and actions “good” in order to recognize and exercise the gift of discernment.

The formula is pretty simple: “For I say unto you that whatsoever is good cometh from God and whatsoever is evil cometh from the devil.  

Richard Eyre is a #1 New York Times Bestselling author, and was a Mission President in London. You are welcome to comment here or to send a comment directly to Richard at [email protected].