The kindest thing we can do in a relationship is to speak truth in a compassionate yet assertive way. However, most of us tend to avoid or delay hard conversations and the discomfort and unknown repercussions that can come with them. The following four scenarios are examples of why we tend to avoid hard conversations and why that avoidance can be detrimental and worse than choosing to have those hard conversations.
We personally know someone who recently lost his job and felt so humiliated and fearful of how his wife would respond that he hid himself in the public library everyday — hoping to find a new job before she found out his predicament. He told himself he was protecting her from the anxiety she would feel if she knew he had lost his job. Yet what will happen when she inevitably finds out that he is no longer making money and he has kept that truth from her? Ultimately, he had to tell her the truth and a significant amount of trust was lost because he had not told her when the problem first arose.
We all know people in the mid-singles community who just disappear and ghost someone rather than having a difficult breakup conversation. Yet how bewildering does that feel for the person left wondering what happened or whether they did something to offend?
A dating couple may be so fearful of losing each other that they fail to have an important conversation that both are afraid may be a deal breaker. Yet do any of us really want to continue in a relationship with potential deal breaker issues that have never been explored – and constantly have to “keep up appearances” to avoid losing the relationship?
The same can happen in a marriage where a couple simply avoids a sensitive topic and tries to work around each other rather than dealing honestly and straightforwardly. Yet do any marriage partners really want to walk on eggshells and ignore an “elephant in the room” for years on end?
Many know these scenarios are not healthy but collude in them anyway. It requires courage to give someone you care about bad news or have conversations you know may cause conflict. Living in integrity with our values requires hard conversations even though we are afraid and the consequences may be painful. Honesty is essential to building and maintaining trust in a relationship. Telling falsehoods or failing to have necessary conversations for a long period of time causes a breach of trust that jeopardizes the relationship.
NEW PODCAST & VIDEOS
This week continues our “REJECTION” series on LILY Pod so you can become a master at dealing with this inevitable part of life and relationships. Last week was “Rejection is Along for the Single Ride.” This week we narrowed the focus to “Giving Rejection Well” and next week we will finish the series with “Receiving Rejection with Grace.” Enjoy the following related content and have a great week!
LILY Pod: Giving Rejection Well
LILY Tube: The 4 Scariest Words in a Relationship
LILY Short: What Do You Really Want?
About the Author
Jeff Teichert, and his wife Cathy Butler Teichert, are the founders of “Love in Later Years,” which ministers to Latter-day Saint single adults seeking peace, healing, and more joyful relationships. They are co-authors of the Amazon bestseller Intentional Courtship: A Mid-Singles Guide to Peace, Progress and Pairing Up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Jeff and Cathy each spent nearly a decade in the mid-singles community and they use that experience to provide counsel and hope to mid-singles and later married couples through written articles, podcasts, and videos. Jeff and Cathy are both Advanced Certified Life Coaches and have university degrees in Family & Human Development. They are the parents of a blended family that includes four handsome sons, one lovely daughter-in-law, and a baby granddaughter.
Purchase Jeff & Cathy’s book Intentional Courtship:
Discover 6-Steps to recover from divorce and design a life you love with Jeff & Cathy’s “Life Design After Divorce” 12-week COURSE. Register here: lilywebinars.com/order-page
Connect with Jeff & Cathy:
Website: http://www.loveinlateryears.com/
Podcast: https://anchor.fm/loveinlateryears
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/loveinlateryears
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/LoveInLaterYears
Instagram: http://instagram.com/loveinlateryears/
Email:
lo**************@gm***.com
