She was chirpy and friendly, a tourist from Wales who got out of her car at the same time we parked by her in a small village in northern England. We asked each other the usual, “Where are you from?” and, when she learned we were from Utah, she almost jumped for excitement.

“Are you Mormons?” she said, “I know all about you. I learned about you on TV. My favorite series are the ‘Secret Lives of Mormon Wives” and “Sister Wives.”

When we explained these were certainly not representations of our faith, she was polite, but not convinced. After all, she had gathered her information with all the authority of slick production and manipulated emotion on television. And, after all, can’t you trust television?

If she had decided to look further, she could have easily found a march of programming on Latter-day Saints that has played a role in falsely shaping public perception and emboldening disdain. From movies to docuseries, the stuff easily comes to mind: “Heretic”, “American Primeval”, “Under the ‘Banner of Heaven”, “The Book of Mormon Musical”, “Secret Lives of Mormon Wives”, “Surviving Mormonism”, and more.

As Latter-day Saints, we look at this list and wonder who these productions are portraying because things are so skewed that nothing looks familiar. It’s like asking to identify yourselves in a fun house mirror that twists and mutilates reality. These are presentations from major media companies like Hulu and Bravo, which guessed shrewdly that they could get a hit and make a lot of money by focusing on “Mormons.”

In part because our population is only a small percentage of the nation and our beliefs in things like revelation and healings seem so strange to a world set on materialism, we are easy to marginalize, to portray as the “other.” Our past seems exotic. Our commandments are too strict in a world of secular sex.

In some shows, Latter-day Saints are portrayed as either dangerously zealous, secretive, or psychologically oppressed. Some portrayals, framed as historical dramas or exposés, blur the line between fact and fiction, and rarely provide viewers with enough context to differentiate between fringe sects and mainstream belief today.

Nothing seems less real to the faith than reality shows like “Secret Lives of Mormon Wives.” This is a show born out of a scandal about women that peddles a form of sexual “liberation”. Holly Hamilton-Bleakley, writing in Square Two Journal, notes that there is a “malevolence” in its rebellion. “It is clear that this is a show meant to shock and meant to ‘punch back’ against family, friends, and Church leaders. The Church—or, at least Church culture—is constantly brought up in show, usually as the thing to blame, or the thing to mock, and the thing against which to rebel. Whether or not these women are in any way sincere in claiming a ‘Mormon identity’ seems to me to be beside the point, and a question meant to distract the viewer from the totally obvious: that there is almost nothing here that can be squared with the teachings of Jesus.”

To the average viewer unfamiliar with Church history or doctrine, these series become the primary lens through which they understand “Mormonism.” When “Mormon” equals “cult,” “oppressor,” or “threat,” the ground is laid for mockery, dehumanization — and, in some cases, verbal violence.

Does this consistent message about Latter-day Saints affect what is happening at our athletic events, as we have seen recently? Perhaps. Is a boiler-plate apology from an athletic director, coach, or college president enough, or do more people in authority need to be better awakened to the trouble they cause to a whole group of people, all the Latter-day Saints, when they let this disdain continue?

When opposing fans chant “’Expletive’ the Mormons” at college athletes — as they have at schools like Cincinnati, Colorado, Arizona State, and others — it’s not just poor sportsmanship. It reflects something deeper: a cultural permission slip granted by popular narratives that frame Latter-day Saints as either laughable or loathsome. In the age of prestige streaming, it’s no longer edgy or controversial to deride Mormons — it’s mainstream.

This matters. Because when BYU fans and players — often young, devout, and representing a unique religious community — walk into opposing stadiums, they are not just competitors. They are symbols. And when the prevailing narrative says their faith is backwards, dangerous, criminal, or rich and corrupt, it becomes easier for others to treat them with contempt.

Long before the abuse at the latest athletic event, the Church was already about compassion and peacemaking, as it always is, including sending $27,000, the largest donation ever received, to the food pantry at the University of Cincinnati. As BYU alumni have come to do, they have pre-game tailgate parties to contribute to local charities.

From putting ads in the playbills of the Book of Mormon musical that read “You’ve seen the play…now read the book” to billion-dollar humanitarian outreach, the church demonstrates the kind of values of charity, long-suffering, and turning the other cheek that you’d expect from The Church of Jesus Christ. This is done for pure motives of helping others, not to appease critics. It’s a stunning example of how to negotiate a sometimes hostile world.

Another solution to the athletic fans and mainstream media’s mocking must be our own storytelling — fair, nuanced, contextual storytelling that includes voices of believers, historians, and all of us. It’s editorial courage in blogs, podcasts, and LDS YouTube channels to dissect media portrayals and educate both the Latter-day Saint community and the broader public.

That’s why Brandi Hicken’s letter so deeply impressed us and why we share it in whole here. When Thomas Sanford picked up a gun and headed for the Latter-day Saint church in Michigan, his motive was hatred of Latter-day Saints, and he would kill four people and wound 9 more, including Brandi and her family.

She heard an unfortunate echo of that hatred at the Cincinnati sports event and decided to speak up about it. Her letter carries moral weight precisely because it speaks from real pain.

Jared and Brandi Hicken at the football game in Ohio between Brigham Young University and the University of Cincinnati (photo shared publicly by Brandi Hicken)

“Jared and I got to sneak away this weekend for a much-needed date night. We went to the BYU vs. Cincinnati football game. This is us trying to move on from the attack on our church two months ago. Trying to do something fun where the attack is not at the forefront of our minds for once. This is us at the game before all the heaviness and fear still found a way to creep in and overtake my emotions and thoughts the next few days as the Cincinnati fans chanted hateful words directed towards us. This has got to stop.

“I emailed the University of Cincinnati athletic director and assistant athletic director yesterday and shared my thoughts with them. I am going to share that email here as well, in hopes the message can extend farther than just this incident because it happens at a lot of football games. It is unacceptable.”

“Dear Mr. Cunningham,

“I am writing to you from my heart as a disheartened college football fan. More specifically, as a BYU football fan and member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, commonly known as “the Mormons.”

“As a BYU alumni and huge fans of college football, my husband and I took the opportunity to travel 4.5 hours from our little city in Grand Blanc, Michigan, to come spectate and enjoy our favorite pastime at the BYU vs. Cincinnati football game at Nippert Stadium last night.

“I want to provide a little bit of background for you in order to portray the strength and courage it took for us to travel to this event and really try to enjoy ourselves.

You see, just eight short weeks ago, while attending church, we were attacked at our place of worship simply for being “Mormon.”

“Someone with hatred in their heart rammed their truck into the front of our church building, entered the chapel, and began shooting us and setting our church on fire while many people were still hiding inside. As my family (me, my husband, and our three young children), ran for our lives, my husband and my 5-year-old daughter were both shot. I was also running with my 15-month-old baby and my 3-year-old in my arms as I was struck in my back with shrapnel. I will spare you any further details about the nightmare we lived through that day and the recovery that has followed, but miraculously, me and my family all made it out alive.

“The anxiety and fear we have felt since that day has been debilitating. We have put in a lot of work in that short 8 weeks so we can try to feel some sort of safety and normalcy again and enjoy the things we used to, including football games.

“We had been planning to come see this game for months as we don’t get the opportunity to see many BYU games in person since we moved across the country for my husband’s medical training. We almost didn’t come because it felt scary and overwhelming since the attack on our church. However, we know we cannot live in fear and we need to enjoy the things that used to make us happy. We decided to come and that took a lot for us both mentally and physically. I was nervous putting on my BYU fan gear that day because I knew it would identify me as one of ”the Mormons.” I did it anyway.

“I was apprehensive when I walked down to my seat and saw that the nearest exit was pretty far from me. I continued to my seat anyway. We came. We smiled. We cheered. We enjoyed ourselves….Until the University of Cincinnati fans began to chant “F*** the Mormons.”

“This is not a new chant. This is not a chant that is specific to your university. This is a chant I’ve heard before while enjoying a football game whether in-person or on tv. It’s always disheartening to hear. However, now that we Mormons have been quite literally targeted, attacked, chased, shot at, and some of us have been killed simply for being “Mormon,” this chant is no longer just disheartening. It’s crippling. It’s personal. It’s unacceptable. Period.

“While I did hear the announcer give a warning over the speakers at the game that such chants will not be tolerated, it was simply just that- a warning. It was not just a few fans, it was tens, possibly hundreds of the university’s student fans chanting “F*** the Mormons.”

“Please, Mr. Cunningham, do not tolerate it. Remove them from the game. Don’t let them come back. Educate them on the seriousness of their actions. Set that standard and expectation moving forward and enforce it. We are hurting. Badly. We just want to enjoy the things that make us happy again without the fear of being targeted and attacked for our religious beliefs.

“I know you have no control over the Cincy fans on the shuttle after the game ranting about Mormons and how awful we are and how we must have just paid off the refs because we’re corrupt and evil. I don’t get it, but I am used to it. It’s not new to me to hear this stuff and these huge misconceptions about my faith. But now it is personal. Now it is me fearing for my life everywhere I go because someone decided to take it there. Someone tried to kill me, my kids, and my husband. Someone killed 4 of my friends. Now the chanting means something more than it used to.

“I know you can’t control the actions and words of the fans on the bus. However, I do believe you have the ability to get control of the students’ hurtful and hateful chanting.

If you made it this far, thank you for listening. If I am mistaken about any actions that were or were not taken as a result of the chanting, please feel free to correct me.

I would welcome the reassurance.

“Sincerely,

Brandi Hicken

A fellow college football fan

A Mormon

A Christian

A mass casualty hate crime survivor

A human deserving of respect”