Recently I was asked to teach a group of Christian moms on the topic of personal well-being. I have studied personal well-being extensively and have created many programs on that subject for the universities where I have worked. When I teach the path to greater well-being, I often use five recommendations from Martin Seligman who has done significant research in the field and reported his findings in the book, Authentic Happiness.

Dr. Seligman’s first recommendation in achieving happiness is to be more intentional about savoring the positive aspects of our lives. People of faith would phrase that as savoring the many blessings we are given each day. Typically, I might begin a workshop with that concept.

But as I prepared to speak with the group of moms, I felt drawn toward another concept. I realized I wanted to discuss the spiritual perspective we ought to bring to our successes and failures.

When we take too much credit for our successes and too much (or too little) blame for our failures, it makes it more difficult for us to get our journey through life right. And that detracts from our sense of personal well-being.

Sometimes we define ourselves by our successes or failures. We come to see our essential nature as related to successes and failures. When we feel good about our accomplishments, we feel good about ourselves and our capabilities. When we feel like we have not achieved what we hoped for or made a mess of something, we become disappointed in ourselves and feel like a failure. This is an unhealthy way of defining ourselves.

What is the Lord’s way of dealing with successes and failures? Think of a scriptural character blessed by remarkable success. How did they respond to that success?

When Jesus was called “Good Master,” He immediately responded, “Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God” (Matthew 19:17, see also Mark 10:18 and Luke 18:19).

Jesus did not define Himself by His abundant successes but by His relationship with God.

Among ordinary mortals, Ammon is among the best for dealing with success.

But Ammon said unto him: I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.

Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever. (Alma 26:11-12)

Like Ammon, we can decline to take personal credit for our successes. We can acknowledge the many blessings we were granted by God that allowed us to be successful. We can see our natural skills and talents as gifts from Him. We can be grateful for God enabling us through His strength. We can balance enjoying our achievements with a recognition of God’s graciousness.

Ammon’s example of giving all credit to God is well worth following. It helps us to lean into relationship with Him with thankfulness and rejoicing. It allows us to stop feeling like we are constantly on a treadmill, left to our own devices to achieve accomplishments and perfection in our roles in life in order to feel good about ourselves.

When we trust God with our lives, we enjoy a special kind of well-being.

then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God (D&C 121:45).

This is different from self-confidence. This is the extraordinary kind of confidence that comes from completely trusting God!

How should we deal with our failures?

Whether it was King David, Alma, Nephi, the blind man, or the brother of Jared, the pattern is the same.

Have mercy upon me, O Lord; for I am weak: O Lord, heal me; for my bones are vexed. (Psalms 6:2).

When we have fallen short, we call out for mercy from Him who is mighty to save. It is He who can remove our sins and change our hearts. It is He who can cleanse our past and give us a new future.

We should be honest with ourselves and acknowledge our failures and poor choices. But we must not wallow in them or define ourselves by them. We turn to God and avail ourselves of the gift of repentance. We accept His gracious gift of forgiveness. We ask Him to change our hearts. When we find ourselves on a path we don’t want to be on, we call on Him to rescue and change us.

Our earnest cry for mercy is a powerful expression of faith. We develop the kind of confidence that is strong because we feel the presence and love of God. We no longer have to define ourselves by our failures. Instead, we remember to define ourselves by our relationship with Him—infused with the inherent dignity of being His beloved daughter or son.

You might ask, “Is there no place for agency in our successes and failures?” My answer: Yes! We can choose to recognize God’s amazing gifts to us. We can choose to draw on the power that can redeem us. By making those choices, we become His disciples.

When I talked about dealing with successes and failures in this way with the mothers’ group, one wise mama talked about Dante’s Inferno and that one area of hell was reserved for those who try to get from others what can only come from God. She told about trying to get her husband to buy her flowers when God was already filling her yard and world with flowers. We are wise to praise and honor God in all things.

The youth themes get it just right:

“I am a beloved daughter of heavenly parents, with a divine nature and eternal destiny. As a disciple of Jesus Christ, I strive to become like Him.”

“I am a beloved son of God, and He has a work for me to do. With all my heart, might, mind, and strength, I will love God, keep my covenants, and use His priesthood to serve others, beginning in my own home.”

The same theme can be in our hearts.

“Because of His great goodness, my sins can be removed, and my nature can be changed. I can become a disciple of Jesus Christ.”

Getting our relationship with Jesus Christ right is the foundation of all well-being. He is the rock upon which we can build our happiness.

Invitation: Would you like to learn how to apply the Gospel of Jesus Christ and good research to enrich and strengthen your marriage? Join me for a marriage retreat on February 15 in Alpine, Utah. Only $199 per couple. To get more information and register for the retreat, go to: drwally.com

 

Thanks to Barbara Keil for her substantive additions to this article.