Codependency (excessive reliance on relationships) tends to be learned in childhood and passed on from one generation to the next. Yet we know that we can break free from codependent patterns, just as we can move beyond relationship failures and start learning from a successful new companionship. In fact, we can move beyond any unhealthy relationship pattern to prevent it from being transmitted to the next generation of our families.
Generational shifting requires courage and bravery—something that many of us are called to in this life. The decisions we make and intentional efforts we put into our own personal growth and development can have profound effects on our posterity. Carlfred Broderick, a groundbreaking marriage and family scholar at the University of Southern California, coined the term “transitional character” and described it as follows:
“A transitional character is one who, in a single generation, changes the entire course of a lineage. The changes might be for good or ill, but the most noteworthy examples are those individuals who grow up in an abusive, emotionally destructive environment and who somehow find a way to metabolize the poison and refuse to pass it on to their children. They break the mold. They refute the observation that abused children become abusive parents, that children of alcoholics become alcoholic adults, that ‘the sins of the fathers are visited upon the heads of children to the third and fourth generation.’ Their contribution to humanity is to filter the destructiveness out of their own lineage so that the generations downstream will have a supportive foundation upon which to build productive lives.”
What is the single most important factor in predicting whether a child becomes a transitional character? At some moment, they all realize that there is something fundamentally unhealthy about the way they were, and they firmly resolve that it will never be the same in the families they raise. In other words, they are intentional.
Transitional characters exercise their agency in a very deliberate way. If you came from a background where family life was turbulent, unhealthy, and abusive, you do not have to continue those patterns in the family you build. If your former marriage was filled with those things, you do not have to continue the abuse in another marriage. The most important thing is that you make a very intentional decision to do things differently when you have the chance. With the power of intention, you can taken the broken pieces of your life and create something truly beautiful and pure and powerful.
Happy Pioneer Day from Utah to all our brave readers who are becoming “Generational Shifting Pioneers.” Keep up the good work!
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About the Author
Jeff Teichert, and his wife Cathy Butler Teichert, are the founders of “Love in Later Years,” which ministers to Latter-day Saint single adults seeking peace, healing, and more joyful relationships. They are co-authors of the Amazon bestseller Intentional Courtship: A Mid-Singles Guide to Peace, Progress and Pairing Up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Jeff and Cathy each spent nearly a decade in the mid-singles community and they use that experience to provide counsel and hope to mid-singles and later married couples through written articles, podcasts, and videos. Jeff and Cathy are both Advanced Certified Life Coaches and have university degrees in Family & Human Development. They are the parents of a blended family that includes four handsome sons, one lovely daughter-in-law, and a sweet baby granddaughter.
Purchase Jeff & Cathy’s book Intentional Courtship:
Discover 6-Steps to recover from divorce and design a life you love with Jeff & Cathy’s “Life Design After Divorce” 12-week COURSE. Register here: lilywebinars.com/order-page
Connect with Jeff & Cathy:
Website: http://www.loveinlateryears.com/
Podcast: https://anchor.fm/loveinlateryears
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/loveinlateryears
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/LoveInLaterYears
Instagram: http://instagram.com/loveinlateryears/
Email:
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