We live in hurricane country. Beginning on June 1 and ending November 30 we are on high alert when storms start brewing in the Atlantic Ocean or in the Gulf of Mexico. Hurricane clean-up is a science in our state. Practically everybody owns a chain saw. My husband, Bret, can use a chain saw as easily as a baseball bat. We are accustomed to seeing huge oak trees lying on their sides across the road, their roots shooting up into the air as high as their branches.
Many trees survive the hurricanes. Palm trees bend in the hurricane-force winds, whereas, pine trees are more likely to snap. The characteristics of these trees make them more or less resilient to harsh weather. In a similar manner, a person’s characteristics or character traits make them resilient when the storms of life blow their way.
Persons who handle life’s storms effectively are “emotionally resilient.” Resilience is a personality trait like humility, honesty, dependability. It is not something you can buy at the pharmacy, “Please fill my prescription for emotional resilience.” Emotionally resilient is what someone is, it is part of their personality.
Some researchers believe that, like other personality traits, we are born emotionally resilient, or we are not; it is fixed from birth. I disagree, I believe emotional resilience is something that, in addition to being part of a person’s nature, can also be developed.
Some of the characteristics of resilient trees that survive the hurricanes in my state of Florida can help us discern the characteristics of a resilient human being.
A Solid Anchor
The roots of a palm tree are different from most other trees. Instead of spreading out in a spindly manner, they are all bunched up in a ball. The heavy root ball of a palm tree acts like an anchor during a storm. Winds may blow and rain can pelt, but the tree stays rooted where it is planted.
What is it that grounds a young person? (I don’t mean punitive parents who ground him to his room!) What serves as his root ball, preventing him from “blowing with every wind of doctrine?”
The knowledge that he is a child of a loving Heavenly Father is a fail-safe root ball. No matter what happens, whether his friends turn against him, whether he fails an important test, even if he gets injured or faces a health crisis, he’s not going to give up and topple over.
When he was a teenager our second son played football on very successful football team. His team won game after game and eventually qualified to play in the city championship. The championship game was scheduled on a Sunday and Spencer decided he was not going to play. He was a starting middle-linebacker and a critical player to the team’s success.
Upon hearing this decision Spencer’s coach was furious. “You’re letting all your team mates down. Everyone will be angry with you,” he said. “You’re letting me down, after all I have sacrificed for this team.” The coach began to attack Spencer’s religion, ridiculing him for taking the Sabbath Day so seriously. Bret and I sat back and held our breath. We wanted Spencer to make his own decision so he wouldn’t resent us for forcing him to do one thing or another.
Spencer stuck to his beliefs and sent his team off to the playoffs without him. They didn’t win and they were angry with him. However, he didn’t cower, didn’t isolate from his friends, and didn’t apologize. He was anchored in his beliefs. He knew what he stood for, and it didn’t matter what elements combined to try and topple him.
Flexible Trunk
The trunk of a pine or oak tree grows in a radial pattern; the annual rings effectively make a series of hollow cylinders inside each other, while the stem of a palm tree is made of many small bundles of woody material, like the bundles of wires inside a telephone cable.
Because there are a lot of different strands that make up this trunk it is flexible and can bend. Our adolescents can be flexible in a storm when they see the many valuable parts of themselves. If one dream dies, they have many more to take its place.
A young man in our ward who is from Latin America is a gifted soccer player. He started on the varsity team as a freshman and his team made it to the state championship. He planned to play soccer professionally when he graduated from high school and then he tore his ACL. He recently shared his experience in a stake conference. “I have always seen myself as an athlete first and foremost. I could not see myself as anything but a soccer player. After the accident I realized that soccer is what I do. It is not who I am.”
A resilient young person is well-rounded. They realize they have a lot going for them, not just one thing. We can help adolescents become well-rounded when we reinforce a number of different talents, or character traits. We don’t want to “label” a child. First of all, labeling makes them feel like they don’t have the freedom to be anything else and second, if something happens to threaten that label, they may feel they no longer have value. When a young person puts “all her eggs in one basket,” she is vulnerable to tripping and spilling the basket.
Drop the Fronds
Another reason palm trees do relatively well in a storm is because they have the ability to shed those large palm fronds that provide the canopy. A large canopy can turn into a sail during a storm, dragging a tree up by its roots. A palm tree will readily drop palm fronds, saving it from being blown away (and leaving quite a mess for us to clean up after the storm!)
People “drop leaves” when they avoid giving undue importance to what is not all that important. For example, when Bret and I served as mission leaders in the Dominican Republic we noticed it was practically impossible for a sister missionary to be a fashionista. If a sister came to the mission with hair and make-up and clothing as a priority, she quickly changed her priorities. The heavy humidity would put curl in strait hair or straighten curly hair. Our sisters had to wear their hair braided or up in a bun so the children didn’t touch it and possibly give them lice. Carefully applied make up would drip off their faces. No amount of polishing could protect their shoes from the muddy streets. Fashion became irrelevant. Most sisters left the clothes they brought on their missions in their apartments when they returned home. When Covid-19 came to the mission we had to clean out many vacant apartments. We crammed two entire rooms at the stake center full of clothing, shoes, towels, bedding, accessories, and toiletries and invited everybody we knew to come take whatever they wanted.
Dropping fronds means when the storm comes a young person can let go of what does not matter. Emotionally resilient youth will say things like,
“Oh well, life goes on.”
“There are more important things than…..”
“At least I still ……”
“Things could be worse.”
“That’s life.”
“This too shall pass.”
Regular Pruning
Trees that are diseased or have dead branches or have been improperly pruned are likely to topple over in a hurricane. When we prune a tree, cutting off the dead branches, and making sure the canopy is not so full that it becomes top-heavy, it is more likely to survive a storm.
Emotionally resilient people regularly prune their souls. Pruning the soul involves letting go of sins. Carrying around anger or resentment is like a tree that holds on to dead branches.
Repentance and forgiveness are ideal ways to prune those diseased or dead branches. Carrying around sin takes a lot of effort. A youth may feel compelled to “fake good” all the time, which can be exhausting. The guilt is always at the back of his mind distracting him, and he has to struggle mightily to concentrate on other things. Then when the storm comes, such as when someone attacks his beliefs, or when doused with bad luck, he breaks. Without that extra baggage (the dead and diseased limbs) a young person can better weather the storms of life.
Living in Florida has lots of advantages. We enjoy vast sandy beaches, warm summer surf, sunny skies and greenery all around. However, we are always aware of the potential for hurricanes. Therefore, we don’t wait until June 1st to trim our trees. Keeping the trees free of dead and diseased branches is a top priority.
