Have you ever had a day when everything went crazy? You hit your knee on the shower door. You put your shirt on inside out. You ran a load of laundry and forgot the detergent. You dropped your keys in the dog’s water bowl, and you spent ten minutes looking for your sunglasses, which were on top of your head.

Folks, this is how it is for me EVERY day. I have dyspraxia, which used to be called Clumsy Child Syndrome. I also have ADHD. One of our sons and I share this lucky set of traits, and make jokes about playing a sport or dancing. (Except they’re true stories.)

I used to give a talk called “Becoming an Imperfectionist.” For me it’s easy because it’s unavoidable. The thought of expecting a flawless performance at anything is, well, hilarious. My husband jokes that I should have a cooking show called, “Oh, It’ll Be Fine.”

So, I’m probably not the right person to identify with people who push themselves to the limit of sanity trying to be perfect at everything. It’s simply out of the question for me. However, I also find the humor in mistakes, then write a blog about it. I figure either things go right, or it’s material.

But I am exactly the person to tell you that you do not need to be perfect to be happy. I have proven—dare I say thousands of times—that you can mess up and the world will still keep spinning. People will still like you, the sun will still rise, and life will go on. In fact, I am easily more cheerful than my friends who have to wear full makeup to the car wash.

Here’s the key: You don’t find satisfaction or joy in being the worldly kind of perfect; you find it in Christ. That might sound like a quick gospel answer, but it’s honestly true. Let’s break it down.

For years I made a living as a magazine writer, and I talked to some of the nation’s top experts and psychiatrists on this very topic, for a piece on perfectionism for a national women’s magazine. And here’s what I learned. See if any of this fits:

  1. It can come from a huge need for control. Due to instability in the environment they grew up in, many people fear an out-of-control life. It can also come from fear of shame or disapproval.
  2. The media and our celebrity culture exacerbate this, creating comparisons and competition.
  3. Perfectionists often think in “all or nothing” terms. Either they got the lead role in the play, were the best player on the team, got the biggest promotion—or their efforts counted for nothing. It’s straight As or complete failure. There’s no acceptable gray area.
  4. Perfectionists often ignore their positive traits or performances. They hold one set of lenient standards for the world, and a strict—or even impossible—standard for themselves.
  5. They feel defeated easily, and overgeneralize. They make one tiny error and mutter, “I can never do anything right.” Really?  Never?
  6. They use “should” language (also must and ought). This self-criticism guards against poor performance. They try to compensate for low self-esteem by constantly over-achieving.
  7. The finish line keeps moving. No matter how hard they try, the goal line is always somewhere out near the horizon.
  8. This is the fast track to mental illness. If you want to be depressed, angry, stressed, anxious, or have an eating disorder, choose perfectionism to get there.

BUT… there are solutions. There’s help.

First, counseling is always a great idea. I wish our society would see therapy check-ups as necessary for everyone, just like medical check-ups.

Second, here’s what else you can do:  Lower the bar. Deliberately do something imperfectly.  I know, I know, that’s next to impossible for some people. But pick something that doesn’t matter that much. Leave a stack of papers un-straightened. Toss your purse onto a chair. Go jogging in grubbies. Make a cake that tastes great but looks a little wonky. You’ll see that no one came to arrest you, no one made a big deal of this.

Third, be your real self. Don’t create a façade to gain acceptance. Controlling everything to look perfect in the outside world doesn’t mean you’re perfect inside. And it’s okay to let that show. Discover that people care about you anyway, and even want to help.

Fourth, let the world in. Realize that a household with young children is going to mean crooked bath towels, toys on the floor, mistakes made and stuff spilled. Take a breath and count your blessings. You don’t have to clean everything up as you go.

Fifth, ask your loved ones what it’s like living with a perfectionist. Ask them if they would rather you relax a bit. Oh, boy, wait until you hear what they say. Perfectionism is often passed down in a family, and this is your chance to break the chain and let acceptance in.

Sixth, admit the truth—our frailties, or jealousies, our need to compete are making you miserable. Realize how much happiness this has cost, and take steps to get rid of these feelings of unworthiness. See Satan’s hand in how you’ve been feeling, and kick him to the curb.

Seventh, redefine success. Go for excellence. Instead of perfection, seek perfectly fine.

Eighth, keep a sense of humor. As I mentioned, this is my main weapon of choice. When you can laugh at yourself, or the predicaments of life, you automatically feel more peace, more enjoyment in living.

Ninth, take advantage of our church’s online information. We are so blessed to have access to ChurchofJesusChrist.org—there’s even help for perfectionists on there! Click on Libraries, then Life Help, then Mental and Emotional Health. From here, click on Help for Me, then scroll down and ta-da!  There’s this question: “What’s the difference between perfectionism and wanting to be worthy?”

Tenth, and I’ve saved the best for last, bring the Savior into your life. Talk to Him about your feelings, the drive you feel to be flawless, the misery and angst it has woven into your life. Ask Him if he loves you with all your weaknesses and shortcomings. You will love His answer!

When Christ said, “Be ye therefore perfect,” He knew not one of us would attain absolute perfection in this lifetime. That’s exactly why He suffered for us and gave His life for us–  His glorious grace makes up for all of it If we sincerely repent, stay on the covenant path, and try our best to serve Him and others. That’s worthy!  That’s a gold star on your forehead!  That’s being able to face Him in the next life and know that you’ve made it home again.

Perfect is a tricky word. Satan wants us to think of it as “flawless.” But really, it means “complete.”  We’ve repented, we’ve tried our best, and we’ve accepted Christ’s phenomenal atoning sacrifice, which makes us able to do what President Nelson says: “Gain eternal life—the kind of life that God lives.”  We do this through Christ, who completes us.

President Gordon B. Hinckley said, “None of us will become perfect in a day or a month or a year. We will not accomplish it in a lifetime, but we can begin now, starting with our more obvious weaknesses and gradually converting them into strengths.”

Be on the right track, facing the right direction. You don’t have to do more than is humanly possible.

I like what Becky Craven, former Second Counselor in the Young Women General Presidency, said: “It’s impossible to live a perfect life. Only one man was able to live perfectly while dwelling on this telestial planet. That was Jesus Christ. Although we may not be perfect, brothers and sisters, we can be worthy: worthy to partake of the sacrament, worthy of temple blessings, and worthy to receive personal revelation.”  I think her sentiment is, well, perfect, don’t you?

Joni Hilton is a Latter-day Saint author, Seminary teacher, and shares life hacks at https://m.youtube.com/c/jonihilton. Her novel, Golden, is now an Amazon audiobook. Perfect for Mother’s Day!