Believe it or not, I have a black wooden coffin in my attic. That’s right—a full-size coffin! My husband made it for a roadshow we were producing years ago. We would have thrown it away by now, but every Halloween one of our grandkids wants to use it for their ward’s Trunk-or-Treat, so we’ve hung onto it.
As an early-morning seminary teacher, one day I arrived at the church early with my coffin in tow. I set it up between two chairs (covered with black cloth to make them look like a stand of sorts), decorated around it with all my silk flower arrangements from home, then turned down the lights and added some somber music.
As the students entered the room laughing and chattering as usual, they immediately became somber themselves. I welcomed them to the funeral of a dear friend. After the opening prayer I invited them to come up one at a time and silently look into the casket (which had its lid raised part way), to see their newly departed friend. They clearly thought this felt a bit freaky.
Inside the casket I had placed a mirror. Now they were totally freaked out.
I told them I would like them to write a eulogy for the person in the casket. One kid remonstrated, “But I’m not dead yet!”
“Well, in that case, write what you hope could to be said about the person in the casket at their funeral.” With some reluctance they all went to work. Within 20 minutes they had written their own eulogy—or at least, what they hoped would be their eulogy.
I asked them to take out a fresh piece of paper. “What would have to start happening now for that to be your eulogy when you die?” Slowly but surely, goals began to emerge. As they looked at their lists, I asked them to critique their own lists and decide if their goals were reasonable. Almost uniformly, they decided their goals were achievable.
“Okay, start today!”
Years ago, Diana Ross released a song that caught the attention of the entire world. It was an immediate hit, even being nominated for an Academy Award. Here are some of the lyrics:
Do you know where you’re goin’ to?
Do you like the things that life is showin’ you?
Where are you goin’ to? Do you know?
Do you get what you’re hopin’ for?
When you look behind you, there’s no open doors
What are you hopin’ for? Do you know?
Now looking back at all we’ve planned
We let so many dreams just slip through our hands.
Why must we wait so long before we see
How sad the answers to those questions can be?
Why the huge response? Because it made everyone think about where they were on their own path of life. Were they where they wanted to be by this time in their lives? Did their lives have meaning? Were they achieving their dreams?
In life, it seems it’s very easy to let our priorities give way to things that seem urgent or expected of us. Some things we have to do, like going to work or school, but we still all have some amount of discretionary time. The way we choose to spend it will determine what we become in this life—and the next!
I have a friend who teaches that we should set three goals for each day—things that are our priority for that day. He insists: don’t set more than three, because if you do, you probably won’t achieve them, and the very word priority assumes choosing the very best.
Without priorities, it’s easy to spend our personal time just scrolling and reading about other people living their lives, instead of truly living our own life. What a waste of life!
I have a son who has been a personal trainer and keeps very fit himself. It is a priority of his. In fact, he goes to bed in his exercise clothes at night! That way, he can get up and start exercising. He’s ready to go. He doesn’t have to decide if he wants to do something else. He’s already determined he is going to exercise before work.
Whatever your priorities are, you can also intentionally make your decisions in advance. I would hope, that for most of us a priority would be to develop a true relationship with our Savior and our Heavenly Father. We vaguely think we’re on the right path. We go to church, right? We generally keep the commandments—at least most of them. I personally believe there is a big difference, though, between just going to Church and developing a close relationship with God.
I remember reading a book about a woman who had died, had an after-death experience, then was resuscitated. One comment she made was that, although she had thought she prayed a lot, when she watched her life as it was played back to her in the spirit world, she remarked that she was surprised at how little she had actually prayed.
President Jeffrey Holland had a similar experience after he had a near-death experience. He shared with us in his conference talk in April 2024, The Motions of a Hidden Fire, how this experience drove home to him, among other things, the power and necessity of constant prayer. My guess is that Elder Holland prayed a lot before this experience! But he passionately encouraged all of us to turn to God more diligently through prayer and establish a relationship with Him, witnessing:
“This is an urgent matter for all of us, lest we ever hear with devastating regret: ‘I never knew you,’ or, as Joseph Smith translated that phrase, ‘[You] never knew me.’ ”
I few years ago, I had the opportunity to travel to Bergen, Norway. Upon arriving at the airport, I was excited to see the name of the airport spelled out in large free-standing letters. B E R G E N. but to my astonishment, after the last letter was a question mark. So, the sign read BERGEN?
Hopefully, we will not be like this—wondering where we are! Hopefully, we will be confident and know where we are in our path of life and our desire to constantly draw closer to Christ.
When we look back on our lives, I hope we will not think: I meant to . . .
- study the scriptures daily
- spend more time with my spouse or kids, instead of chasing success in the business world
- make more true friends
- do more to serve others
- make temple worship a more constant presence in my life
- write my personal history
- start a little garden
- get my education, or develop my artistic talent, or whatever my personal dreams and aspirations might be.
Look at your own list. What have you accomplished and what had you hoped to have accomplished by now? Is it time to maybe re-evaluate some of the items on your bucket list? How important are they really? Will I look back with regret that I didn’t attempt to accomplish bigger, more meaningful things?
Last week my sister Diana graduated from college at the tender young age of 66. It had taken her 40 years to achieve this goal. Bravo! She never gave up. Once she made it a priority, it happened. Fun fact: her daughter and granddaughter also graduated from the same college at the same graduation ceremony (a fact noted by both Fox News and People Magazine, to her surprise!)
How many of our goals are just waiting to be prioritized? It it takes more energy to overcome inertia than it does to continue in motion. It takes more gas to make a car begin to move from a standing stop than for it to continue down the road. Once you take the first step, the second is much easier.
It’s time for action! Got inertia? Let’s prioritize and get started. Getting started is the hardest part. Hopefully, we will be intentionally moving towards our goal of a meaningful earthly life and an incredible eternal life. With our goal in mind, we won’t need any question marks as we look at where we are!
In the Church, we have a huge advantage. We know where we want to go when all is done, to live with our Heavenly Parents and their Son in the celestial kingdom. What we tend to lose track of is how we are traveling as we make that journey. We get a bit lost along the way. The ultimate goal requires that we achieve a number of intermediate goals, each of which requires our attention and diligence. If we lose sight of those intermediate steps, we lose sight of that ultimate goal. The song is a reminder to each of us to never forget where we are going, and to be purposeful about getting there.
