My husband was recently called to serve as the president of our stake.  He is 65 years old and has already served as a mission president, a bishop (twice), a branch president, in a stake presidency, among numerous other callings.  We learned that it is unusual for someone to be called to lead a stake at this “advanced” age.  The brethren usually seek younger men to serve as stake presidents.  We noticed something even more unusual than the fact that Bret was called to serve as stake president when he was, as he says, “well past his expiration date.”  We found the responses to his calling fascinating.

Nobody even blinked an eye about Bret’s age, even in jest.  He is in excellent health, and is physically active.   Rather than comment on his age we heard comments such as, “Boy, you can’t catch a break, can you?” or “Congratulations….I mean condolences.”

In pondering these comments, I recall expressing the same sentiment to friends of ours as they were called to responsible positions.  I didn’t consider the consequences of such an attitude until we were called to serve as mission leaders.

When we were serving as mission leaders, we had a missionary in the mission who began to spread rumors that being called as a zone leader or a district leader was not a privilege but a burden.  This missionary was very charismatic and began to solicit other missionaries to share his opinion.   When we invited the missionaries in a leadership position, they began to refuse to accept the calling.  We had to call an emergency leadership meeting to help the missionaries understand covenants and their relationship of covenants with faithful service.  The missionaries soon recognized the charismatic missionary felt slighted because he had not been called to a leadership position and he wanted to change the perception of the calling.  The missionaries repented and began to accept their callings with humility and they served effectively.

Condolences in times of Tragedy

When we offer “condolences” to someone who receives a calling, we insinuate that something bad has happened.  We offer condolences when someone had lost a loved one.  It is what we say when we feel sorry for someone.  Offering condolences when someone is called to serve in the Church implies that accepting a calling is a burden.  How can anyone begin church service with enthusiasm and joy when they are being told that their service is a burden, and they deserve sympathy for accepting the calling?

Consider what would happen throughout the church if people jumped on the “callings are a burden” bandwagon and started refusing callings?  The Lord’s work would be seriously hindered.  The Lord has designed his restored church to be directed by people who volunteer their service.  The plan benefits those of us who serve, and those who are being served.

The Doctrine and Covenants says that if we are called to the work we should serve with our might, mind, heart and strength that we may stand blameless before God at the last day (D&C 4:2). Imagine how The Lord feels when we serve Him with the attitude that our calling is a burden.  We may be giving a gift, but we are giving it grudgingly.  Consider how you would feel if you received a gift that was given grudgingly.  You would probably prefer not to have received the gift at all.  The gifts we give The Lord through our service should be gifts given with full purpose of heart.  We want them to be gifts from the heart, not grudgingly given, but sincerely given.

Congratulations, You Won!

The other sentiment that is often expressed when someone receives a calling is far more appropriate than condolences but can still be misleading.  “Congratulations” implies that we have somehow earned an honor.  It sounds like we won a contest or won a sporting competition.   We offer congratulations when someone graduates from college.    We offer congratulations when someone gets married or has a baby.  These are achievements that merit recognition.

The idea that being called to a leadership position in the church merits congratulations may come from the knowledge that leaders must be worthy in order to serve.  The person offering congratulations may believe that the new leader “earned” his position by his obedience.  Leaders don’t “earn” their callings, nor do they compete for their callings.  Therefore, congratulations may be an outdated salutation.

Thank You for Your Service

One of my friends from our resident ward responded to my husband’s calling in a way that warmed my heart.  We had not attended our resident ward for eight years.  For eight years our callings had required us to serve elsewhere.  My friend knew that we had sacrificed in order to serve, and that we would continue to do so.  When she learned that Bret would serve as stake president and may do so until he was 75 years old, she thought it appropriate to say, “Thank you.”  Sincerely, with her hands over her heart she said, “Thank you so much for being willing to serve.  We have been so blessed by your service in the past, and we are so grateful that you are still willing to serve.”

Of course we are willing to serve.  Almost sixty years ago Bret and I made a covenant that we would do the Lord’s work.  At baptism we covenanted that we would take Christ’s name upon us, that we would always remember him (Moroni 4:3).  We covenanted that we would mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, that we would be witnesses of God at all times (Mosiah 18:9).  There was never a doubt that we would serve wherever The Lord needed us to serve.  We are touched when members thank us for being willing to serve.  However, we daily thank The Lord that we have the capacity to serve.  There is nothing more fulfilling in this life than bringing souls unto Christ.

JeaNette Goates Smith is the author of Side by Side:  Supporting a Spouse in Church Service, Deseret Book, 2004.  She and her husband, Bret, served as mission leaders in the Dominican Republic from 2017 to 2020.