I agree with Kate's comment. I also wonder the true intentions behind your daughter's wanting to give this woman advice about her child. Do you and your daughter really believe that this advice would have been helpful to this woman in the store? It is rare that unsolicited advice is received well. Now, when it came to the woman that approached you in the store when your child was crying, she approached you with kind words, compassion, and empathy, not advice. Your daughter's words are written as an essay with none of these components. The best thing your daughter did to help this woman in the store, was to not open her mouth.
RobynOctober 9, 2015
Yes, meltdowns will still happen, and advice is rarely helpful in the heat of the moment. But that's not what the article is about. This is a 17-year old girl, who, because of her own practice in learning to govern herself, has learned what a benefit it is to families. All parents have been in this situation; sometimes we handle it well, and sometimes we don't. The point is that the skills, when learned and practiced BEFORE the heat of the moment, will benefit both parents and children, by either preventing a meltdown, or teaching parents how to handle it when it does. Having learned and practiced these skills a little with my own children, I can tell you it works (but it does take patience and practice!).
SusanOctober 9, 2015
I agree with what Kate said. As a mother of we several sons with asd, the thing that would have helped me the most would have been for the young woman to offer to ring things up for me (since they were in the self check out aisle) while I took care of the tantrum. That is wonderful advice that you and she have to teach, but for me the most help would have been to allow me to work with my child without holding others up.
SharonOctober 8, 2015
I completely agree with the comment from Kate !
MaryOctober 8, 2015
Lol! I have to agree with the comment by Kate. This strategy seems like it would be excellent for prevention of tantrums, but not so effective as an intervention. It is definitely worthwhile for parents to learn about...I guess you could say I am all for peaceful parenting. Kudos to your daughter for learning the importance of choosing to remain calm.
MaryOctober 8, 2015
I agree with the post left by Kate. If a 17 year old came up to me in that situation I surely would have felt judged, criticized and indignant. As well "coached" as any 17 year old may be, the truth is she hasn't had day after day of child rearing stress and lunches and dinners to make so she has never been there. This is obnoxious. We all can do better and real supper is not "advice" in a moment of crisis, where all involved are operating out of their Limbic system.
Nadine AndertonOctober 8, 2015
I agree with Kate's comment. Learning these skills is a process, and I, as a 70-year-old great grandmother - remembering my own young children's grocery-store tantrums - have a difficult time understanding how these skills can be easily understood by young children without working on them over a period of time. When my children misbehaved, I got a lot of glaring, angry looks from other customers. The kind help from the woman who understood your angst was the most helpful!
kateOctober 8, 2015
Good thing your daughter decided to hold her tongue. This advice would not have helped at all in that situation, and would likely have exacerbated it. Maybe it could have helped sometime in the future, when mom & child had learned the technique, but not right then. Too bad she didn't give the mom a big, accepting smile and say something friendly. That might have helped the mom to calm herself, much like the woman gave to you when your newborn was screaming.
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CarolOctober 9, 2015
I agree with Kate's comment. I also wonder the true intentions behind your daughter's wanting to give this woman advice about her child. Do you and your daughter really believe that this advice would have been helpful to this woman in the store? It is rare that unsolicited advice is received well. Now, when it came to the woman that approached you in the store when your child was crying, she approached you with kind words, compassion, and empathy, not advice. Your daughter's words are written as an essay with none of these components. The best thing your daughter did to help this woman in the store, was to not open her mouth.
RobynOctober 9, 2015
Yes, meltdowns will still happen, and advice is rarely helpful in the heat of the moment. But that's not what the article is about. This is a 17-year old girl, who, because of her own practice in learning to govern herself, has learned what a benefit it is to families. All parents have been in this situation; sometimes we handle it well, and sometimes we don't. The point is that the skills, when learned and practiced BEFORE the heat of the moment, will benefit both parents and children, by either preventing a meltdown, or teaching parents how to handle it when it does. Having learned and practiced these skills a little with my own children, I can tell you it works (but it does take patience and practice!).
SusanOctober 9, 2015
I agree with what Kate said. As a mother of we several sons with asd, the thing that would have helped me the most would have been for the young woman to offer to ring things up for me (since they were in the self check out aisle) while I took care of the tantrum. That is wonderful advice that you and she have to teach, but for me the most help would have been to allow me to work with my child without holding others up.
SharonOctober 8, 2015
I completely agree with the comment from Kate !
MaryOctober 8, 2015
Lol! I have to agree with the comment by Kate. This strategy seems like it would be excellent for prevention of tantrums, but not so effective as an intervention. It is definitely worthwhile for parents to learn about...I guess you could say I am all for peaceful parenting. Kudos to your daughter for learning the importance of choosing to remain calm.
MaryOctober 8, 2015
I agree with the post left by Kate. If a 17 year old came up to me in that situation I surely would have felt judged, criticized and indignant. As well "coached" as any 17 year old may be, the truth is she hasn't had day after day of child rearing stress and lunches and dinners to make so she has never been there. This is obnoxious. We all can do better and real supper is not "advice" in a moment of crisis, where all involved are operating out of their Limbic system.
Nadine AndertonOctober 8, 2015
I agree with Kate's comment. Learning these skills is a process, and I, as a 70-year-old great grandmother - remembering my own young children's grocery-store tantrums - have a difficult time understanding how these skills can be easily understood by young children without working on them over a period of time. When my children misbehaved, I got a lot of glaring, angry looks from other customers. The kind help from the woman who understood your angst was the most helpful!
kateOctober 8, 2015
Good thing your daughter decided to hold her tongue. This advice would not have helped at all in that situation, and would likely have exacerbated it. Maybe it could have helped sometime in the future, when mom & child had learned the technique, but not right then. Too bad she didn't give the mom a big, accepting smile and say something friendly. That might have helped the mom to calm herself, much like the woman gave to you when your newborn was screaming.
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